Saturday, October 31, 2009
When I sleep, my brain probably has a field day going over and over again all the things that are hurting me. For when I wake up in the morning, I feel so mournful that I feel like I can never get out of bed again. I just want to hug my bolster and go back to sleep. It seems like all the hurt has been amplified exponentially from the night before. And it's really really scary, to wake up and be so sad, so scared. Also going through a cycle of self blame, when I know it's of no use. I wish so much that I did not have these feelings. I just want to hug someone right now, but I'm all alone.
I went off @
11:35 PM
My fourth floorball street challenge in ntu, and I played like a total piece of shit. Can't score long range goals, can't connect with passes, can't make nice passes, don't have vision, can't hassle, can't hold the ball, can't control the ball, can't shoot on target, can't run into space. It seems like I don't know how to play floorball all over again and it scares me. Couldn't even score one goal and freaking useless. Let in the first goal in the semis due to miscontrol. Don't even know what is wrong with me.
But I've really had very good luck in such things, thank goodness for my teammates, we still managed to make it through to the semis and got a 3rd :) Huge credit must be given to them, because I was totally, seriously useless. Except for the penalty shootout.
Made my way back to my room in the evening and realised that I couldn't find my door key. Had to get the hall fellow to open my room for me with the master key and then rush out to night safari without bathing. Luckily I know where my door key is now, dropped it in yips car in that stupor this morning. The queuing to enter the night safari halloween event was absolutely deplorable, but well it was a unique event and I found out that it doesn't scare me despite being very worried that it would. Supper after that was good too, love dimsum and the charsiew rice, especially cos its after a whole long day on breakfast set and bananas.
Feel rather happy with my day but very demoralised about my floorball... sigh...
Trying to tell myself I'm ok but I know that something's bothering me...
sometimes it's so hard for us to appreciate or even notice
the flower sitting soft and warm in the palm of their hands
I went off @
12:13 PM
But I've really had very good luck in such things, thank goodness for my teammates, we still managed to make it through to the semis and got a 3rd :) Huge credit must be given to them, because I was totally, seriously useless. Except for the penalty shootout.
Made my way back to my room in the evening and realised that I couldn't find my door key. Had to get the hall fellow to open my room for me with the master key and then rush out to night safari without bathing. Luckily I know where my door key is now, dropped it in yips car in that stupor this morning. The queuing to enter the night safari halloween event was absolutely deplorable, but well it was a unique event and I found out that it doesn't scare me despite being very worried that it would. Supper after that was good too, love dimsum and the charsiew rice, especially cos its after a whole long day on breakfast set and bananas.
Feel rather happy with my day but very demoralised about my floorball... sigh...
Trying to tell myself I'm ok but I know that something's bothering me...
sometimes it's so hard for us to appreciate or even notice
the flower sitting soft and warm in the palm of their hands
Friday, October 30, 2009
I can't decide if its a privilege or a burden. I know I wouldn't be able to get by without it, but with it comes a whole new set of responsiblities. Things that I need to bear the weight of and am not allowed to dissipate. Things that hurt me but I can't let anyone see those wounds. I try not to think and I try not to care, but as the rain pours down tonight, I can see everything there is in a darkened room.
We have no right to judge why others do the things that they do, for there is no guarantee we wouldn't do the same if we were put in exactly the same situation. There are no good and bad people, only circumstances and appearances. And well it's interesting to find out more about others' personalities, why they are the way they are, and what lies beneath the surface. Fun to slowly find out more and let your initial judgments undergo sort of a moderation.
The teacher in JC who introduced the cohort to literature said that 'if you like thinking about why people do the things they do, this subject is for you'. I was hooked by that sentence and never looked back. Though I was an ultimate slacker and black sheep in JC, it didn't hurt my self esteem, instead it built it. That same literature teacher cornered me in the concourse one day and said 'i know you doodle all the time in my class, but i know you're a thinker'. Another one of the lit teachers just allowed students to skip his classes, saying that if you sleep or talk then you'd better not come. And I just skipped all the science lectures cos there was no attendance taken. It's this freedom and my taking advantage of it that led to my confidence but probably also complacence and laziness. I miss the JC days not because I had a damn good time or anything like that. But I had true friends, and I liked training for softball, and I just liked the whole aura of being in that place, and hell the uniform was nice haha. It was a darn good remedy, an amazingly magical potion for the damage my secondary school did to me. And all of a sudden I feel so indebted and lucky to have been from VJ.
It's Street Challenge day tomorrow and for all the mahjong that I rejected, for all the claims of needing to sleep more, I managed to mope around in front of my computer doing nothing of substance till its three in the morning. It's like I can do nothing except think and write and think and write. Meiyin you're so right, neighbour-telepathy. Should really scoot off and try to sleep soon.
Before I go, thank you so much wanying for talking to me on msn that day when it appeared that I was very down. I was, and thank you for caring, you made me miss you alot alot that day. Live up your expat life haha, bring back some kickass muscles from gymming over there and help me beat up those people who offend me ok. haha!
I went off @
11:33 AM
We have no right to judge why others do the things that they do, for there is no guarantee we wouldn't do the same if we were put in exactly the same situation. There are no good and bad people, only circumstances and appearances. And well it's interesting to find out more about others' personalities, why they are the way they are, and what lies beneath the surface. Fun to slowly find out more and let your initial judgments undergo sort of a moderation.
The teacher in JC who introduced the cohort to literature said that 'if you like thinking about why people do the things they do, this subject is for you'. I was hooked by that sentence and never looked back. Though I was an ultimate slacker and black sheep in JC, it didn't hurt my self esteem, instead it built it. That same literature teacher cornered me in the concourse one day and said 'i know you doodle all the time in my class, but i know you're a thinker'. Another one of the lit teachers just allowed students to skip his classes, saying that if you sleep or talk then you'd better not come. And I just skipped all the science lectures cos there was no attendance taken. It's this freedom and my taking advantage of it that led to my confidence but probably also complacence and laziness. I miss the JC days not because I had a damn good time or anything like that. But I had true friends, and I liked training for softball, and I just liked the whole aura of being in that place, and hell the uniform was nice haha. It was a darn good remedy, an amazingly magical potion for the damage my secondary school did to me. And all of a sudden I feel so indebted and lucky to have been from VJ.
It's Street Challenge day tomorrow and for all the mahjong that I rejected, for all the claims of needing to sleep more, I managed to mope around in front of my computer doing nothing of substance till its three in the morning. It's like I can do nothing except think and write and think and write. Meiyin you're so right, neighbour-telepathy. Should really scoot off and try to sleep soon.
Before I go, thank you so much wanying for talking to me on msn that day when it appeared that I was very down. I was, and thank you for caring, you made me miss you alot alot that day. Live up your expat life haha, bring back some kickass muscles from gymming over there and help me beat up those people who offend me ok. haha!
Is it better to play with fire, enjoy the warmth and colours it brings, and then get burnt, or to not light a fire at all, and contend with being cold, dark and alone.
I went off @
11:18 AM
It used to be a peaceful place. With them came different plants, different animals, different flavours. The tranquility of the past was snatched from the villagers' lives. There were some who were minding their own business, there were some who sought these pleasures, and then there were some who mated with these new species. For better for worse, this place will never be the same again.
I went off @
10:02 AM
Friday afternoon I stumble out of bed. Had quite a good time with my lovely bolster the night before, rather good and long sleep. But disconcerting dreams =x Not been well the entire day, tired and head hurts. Can't get down to doing any work and I just feel like sleeping soon. Was a good decision to go watch pol-ite though, exciting games! Very worried about schoolwork but still looking forward to street challenge tomorrow, not sure how well I'll do this year but there's always a pressure to live up to my own expectations. Night safari halloween thingy after that too, should be interesting. Have to make sure I do work in school on sunday then. Let's go.
I went off @
8:22 AM
When you're nearing the end, you start to imagine how life would be after it. You start to reminisce even if you're still here. You think of a time in the past when you could only imagine, and now you've had it all and its almost over. I don't even understand what I'm saying, maybe only the rain does.
I went off @
8:14 AM
Thursday, October 29, 2009
you can't hide your lying eyes
and your smile is a thin disguise
i thought by now you'd realise
there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes
I went off @
11:53 PM
and your smile is a thin disguise
i thought by now you'd realise
there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes
can 5
smartaleck
fruitjuicelycheesyrup
prawnpastechicken
waffle
redbull
floorball
deflectedgoal
redjersey
unsatisfactoryplay
bakchormee
telepathy
missed179
longwalkback
tempeststormtempeststormtempeststorm
pesscorpcommpesscorpcommpesscorpcomm
fypcorpcommmgmtprwritingmalaymedialaw
happy simple things in life, but complex questions and pressing problems.
am i happy?
yes i am!
I went off @
1:27 PM
smartaleck
fruitjuicelycheesyrup
prawnpastechicken
waffle
redbull
floorball
deflectedgoal
redjersey
unsatisfactoryplay
bakchormee
telepathy
missed179
longwalkback
tempeststormtempeststormtempeststorm
pesscorpcommpesscorpcommpesscorpcomm
fypcorpcommmgmtprwritingmalaymedialaw
happy simple things in life, but complex questions and pressing problems.
am i happy?
yes i am!
As I sat in old can A and did my work over the night, till the sun rose.. something in me clicked, or snapped. There are no reasons and I don't even know how to explain it, but something just made me feel better and more composed. More accepting of situations. Still not the best I can be, but getting there, getting there.
I must have puked more than 10 times last night. There's always this tipping point. Once you get past it, you're totally gone. Nartz and I are similar in the way that we know the shit in our path, but we frequently ignore it and find ways to escape from it. Like it's always at the back of your mind but you refuse to put it at the forefront unless someone brings it up. Drink and dance to push it away. When I get high, I just like to laugh, but it's a kind of laugh that could easily become a cry if it passes that tipping point. There's something very wrong with my life and me, and I'm just escaping from it. Maybe that's why I like to drink so much, I'm hoping that I can lose myself and never find myself back again.
revelations
can they alter my directions?
I went off @
2:29 AM
I must have puked more than 10 times last night. There's always this tipping point. Once you get past it, you're totally gone. Nartz and I are similar in the way that we know the shit in our path, but we frequently ignore it and find ways to escape from it. Like it's always at the back of your mind but you refuse to put it at the forefront unless someone brings it up. Drink and dance to push it away. When I get high, I just like to laugh, but it's a kind of laugh that could easily become a cry if it passes that tipping point. There's something very wrong with my life and me, and I'm just escaping from it. Maybe that's why I like to drink so much, I'm hoping that I can lose myself and never find myself back again.
revelations
can they alter my directions?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I am haunted by how much younger, redder, happier I looked a few years ago. Just a result of the natural passage of time, or has something else aged me. It's not that there are added lines to my face, there's just this aged feeling when I see myself in pictures these days, like I am no longer young, carefree and innocent. I have robbed it away from myself. The browns from my eyes, the red from my skin, the glint in my smile, they have abandoned me.
I went off @
9:18 PM
Monday, October 26, 2009
laughing myself to sleep
waking up lonely...
i was dancing in the dark with strangers
no love around me...
I went off @
7:21 AM
waking up lonely...
i was dancing in the dark with strangers
no love around me...
you would never ask me why
my heart is so disguised
... than to ever make you cry
I went off @
7:05 AM
my heart is so disguised
... than to ever make you cry
Sunday, October 25, 2009
chocolate for breakfast
sleep for lunch
and hopefully a good dinner
I went off @
7:33 PM
sleep for lunch
and hopefully a good dinner
It's at this moment, I am up to my neck in fyp, more than ever. The nicest coincidence happened this afternoon, the library database underwent restructuring when I wanted to chiong finish my lit review by evening. Hell, so its dragging again. I promised to do it by morning today, but I'm too tired to produce the best that I can. Our meeting with prof is on tuesday so its only best that it should be in by this evening latest. But I can't skip lesson today cos I have a presentation... And I don't know how early I can leave the lesson to go back to nap and chiong finish by evening. Skipping malay has already become a given... there's no choice. The thought of having to rush then scares me but that's the least of the concerns, I'm so scared, so scared of the big picture and the scoldings and the guilt...
Haha.. why did I go screw up my academic life like that. Why didn't I just have the motivation and interest to get this lit review done sooner. I don't give a damn about my results but of course the unhappiness from the prof and groupmate sucks. I keep telling myself and her we'll do our best from now on, after we get the lit review out... but things just seem so bleak and rushed. Like the whole world is spinning inside out and there are a thousand ghouls waiting to scold me. I am so damn stressed and scared and just want to scream and cry...
It's my fault I know... why the hell did I land myself in this shithole ...
My body seems to be shivering in fear all day and my stomach and chest hurts... this is getting crazy and all you wanna do is just run away...
I went off @
12:23 PM
Haha.. why did I go screw up my academic life like that. Why didn't I just have the motivation and interest to get this lit review done sooner. I don't give a damn about my results but of course the unhappiness from the prof and groupmate sucks. I keep telling myself and her we'll do our best from now on, after we get the lit review out... but things just seem so bleak and rushed. Like the whole world is spinning inside out and there are a thousand ghouls waiting to scold me. I am so damn stressed and scared and just want to scream and cry...
It's my fault I know... why the hell did I land myself in this shithole ...
My body seems to be shivering in fear all day and my stomach and chest hurts... this is getting crazy and all you wanna do is just run away...
red sun peering at me from an almond shaped hollow of cloudy grey sky
a mirror of an all seeing eye
I went off @
3:42 AM
a mirror of an all seeing eye
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Before I embark on my schoolwork, let's see...
I only slept from 7 to 10 this morning and that's with great difficulty sleeping and I probably woke up 10000 times. Had a weird dream, that my parents shifted houses all of a sudden and bought new stuff and my brother and me suspected that they won 4D or toto. Somehow in that same scene, I found that my slippers suddenly were badly cui-ed and I wanted to ask them to buy me a new pair.
I have been in and out of the toilet with stomach pains since last night. Still have the morning nauseous feeling now. Tired but can't drink coffee cos it'll worsen it.
I've to complete three deadlines. Consolidate a literature review, do a powerpoint and submit an online case analysis which I didn't bring back the textbook for.
Haha an online dream interpretation site says that a dream about footwear is usually connected to a woman's love life. And I dreamt of cui-ed slippers. Go figure. Isn't it lovely when nasty coincidences make you feel even better.
... ok I've about 6 hours to do all my shitwork before I can go watch the hurricanes match this evening.
Sometimes whining just feels so good...
But well time to gear up and bulldoze through this shit!!! Do what I do best and complete everything on time :))
I went off @
7:42 PM
I only slept from 7 to 10 this morning and that's with great difficulty sleeping and I probably woke up 10000 times. Had a weird dream, that my parents shifted houses all of a sudden and bought new stuff and my brother and me suspected that they won 4D or toto. Somehow in that same scene, I found that my slippers suddenly were badly cui-ed and I wanted to ask them to buy me a new pair.
I have been in and out of the toilet with stomach pains since last night. Still have the morning nauseous feeling now. Tired but can't drink coffee cos it'll worsen it.
I've to complete three deadlines. Consolidate a literature review, do a powerpoint and submit an online case analysis which I didn't bring back the textbook for.
Haha an online dream interpretation site says that a dream about footwear is usually connected to a woman's love life. And I dreamt of cui-ed slippers. Go figure. Isn't it lovely when nasty coincidences make you feel even better.
... ok I've about 6 hours to do all my shitwork before I can go watch the hurricanes match this evening.
Sometimes whining just feels so good...
But well time to gear up and bulldoze through this shit!!! Do what I do best and complete everything on time :))
I hope the worst of what I'm gonna feel is over. At least, I think it is :) The necessary hours of pain and reflection are done and I'm gonna be better from now on. Singing ktv really helped alot, thank you cheryl and carmen!
keep on walking slow and steady
no shortcuts and no rights
.just walk.
I went off @
2:36 PM
keep on walking slow and steady
no shortcuts and no rights
.just walk.
Friday, October 23, 2009
what will be, will be
I went off @
11:58 AM
joke's on you so spread it out
I went off @
11:58 AM
missing those days...
You made my day just a little bit better. Your wagging tail, your bouncy enthusiasm, your warm licks. It's as if you know it when I'm feeling down. You always give me that extra lick, snuggle up closer to me when I'm at my saddest. I don't even live here, I don't feed you nor clean up after you nor give you daily grooming and hugs. But you love me all the same.
Thank you.
I love you.
I went off @
10:39 AM
Thank you.
I love you.
I hate going about my day with a black face, with diminished motivations and confidence.
I hate walking into the lift and drooping my head and slouching my shoulders the twelve storeys up.
I hate not being able to do my schoolwork when I'm supposed to.
I hate that I'm considering some help to get to sleep.
I hate that I'm so afraid of my own bed.
I went off @
10:27 AM
I hate walking into the lift and drooping my head and slouching my shoulders the twelve storeys up.
I hate not being able to do my schoolwork when I'm supposed to.
I hate that I'm considering some help to get to sleep.
I hate that I'm so afraid of my own bed.
if you can control it
it's not love
I went off @
10:07 AM
it's not love
out of all the pebbles
i see your smiling face
it's not at me
I went off @
9:39 AM
i see your smiling face
it's not at me
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The main hurdle to happiness is a thinking mind. One that thinks too much, comes up with too many fanciful untruths and therefore hopes too much. If only we could ignore the possibilities, and face the fucking truth. In that way, healing would be a lot simpler. Maybe sometimes we don't even want to heal. We don't want to be happy. We'd rather continue flying on our magic carpet even if the price to pay was a crash and burn.
Sometimes, just sometimes, the view from that magic carpet may not be unreal...
if it makes you happy
it can't be that bad
if it makes you happy
then why the hell am I so sad
my failure. my inadequacy. my foolishness.
I went off @
1:28 PM
Sometimes, just sometimes, the view from that magic carpet may not be unreal...
if it makes you happy
it can't be that bad
if it makes you happy
then why the hell am I so sad
my failure. my inadequacy. my foolishness.
fuck i just hate myself
I went off @
10:28 AM
It's that familiar friendly feeling again. The one that washes all over you like the summer rain. It robs you of the fire in your heart, your very being, where you sit and slouch and imagine all is gone. That cold, slimy feeling of uselessness. Of weakness. There's something stirring in your chest, but it's nothing good. An empty feeling that only serves as the catalyst for tears. But the tears are reluctant as well, they do not come when they are called. Why do I have to feel this way again. Do we have to be punished time and again, time and again, for mistakes we made? Wasn't one punishment bad enough? Wasn't the shivering, crying figure in the dark cubicle enough at all? Now I turn to anger, but it does not console me at all. I don't want to be a fool. I know exactly how not to. But my heart will never listen to me no matter how much I appeal.
I wish there was something I could do, I wish the tears would fall. But I'm sitting here stuck in this limbo, unable to move at all.
if only i could fly
if only i were helen of troy
Hello my old friend, knocking on my door again. I wished that I would never meet you again. But here you are in flesh and blood, bringing me a bouquet of black roses again. Black roses that nobody wants, that always end up at my doorstep. You burnt them and smoked them and sent them to me, now, no amount of tears can turn them red again.
I went off @
9:49 AM
I wish there was something I could do, I wish the tears would fall. But I'm sitting here stuck in this limbo, unable to move at all.
if only i could fly
if only i were helen of troy
Hello my old friend, knocking on my door again. I wished that I would never meet you again. But here you are in flesh and blood, bringing me a bouquet of black roses again. Black roses that nobody wants, that always end up at my doorstep. You burnt them and smoked them and sent them to me, now, no amount of tears can turn them red again.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Recently, it's been hard to have good trainings. I'm always feeling a little unwell, something I can't put a finger on, a few times it was diarrhoea, and mostly lack of sleep perhaps. Today it was pretty bad too, already felt quite weak when I went to play recre floorball for fun. This weakness that leads to extreme shortness of breath, stomach and chest pains, and shivering of muscles when I'm sitting still. Hey but coming down to training to sit and rest at the side when you don't know exactly what's wrong with you, isn't really a choice isn't it?
But if you don't rest, then nobody will care and nobody will know what your excuse is. They just know you couldn't execute that drill, you couldn't run fast in the games, you let in that goal...
Weakness just exacerbated my lack of familiarity and skill with the position today, left me worried about it and the chemistry in the partnership, but of course I believe I can improve. Chemistry, hmm I'll try and wait and see.
I went off @
12:22 PM
But if you don't rest, then nobody will care and nobody will know what your excuse is. They just know you couldn't execute that drill, you couldn't run fast in the games, you let in that goal...
Weakness just exacerbated my lack of familiarity and skill with the position today, left me worried about it and the chemistry in the partnership, but of course I believe I can improve. Chemistry, hmm I'll try and wait and see.
the rain is both a mask and a mirror
I went off @
8:38 AM
Monday, October 19, 2009
if i work hard at something
will i succeed?
I went off @
1:58 PM
will i succeed?
2am laundry
3am dementor attack
4am cheap beer
Xam schoolwork done
Not exactly the best, happiest sort of life, but once in a lifetime... in a time in the future, when we're happily settled down into our comfortable homes, with all the appliances and gadgets we want, with the loves of our lives... we'll think back to those hostel days, and recall with a pang, the troubles, the aches, the folly of youth...
Those unfinished schoolwork, those unrequited loves, those uncalled for scoldings... and all the pain and stress they bring...
They're what make life so real, and I'm sure we'll miss them one day...
I wish to live in the present instead of putting myself in such oldie shoes... but I can't stop my mind from wandering...
I guess what I want to tell myself is that though life seems sad and hard... it's still good and special and worth living for... and should be held close to my heart...
I went off @
1:39 PM
3am dementor attack
4am cheap beer
Xam schoolwork done
Not exactly the best, happiest sort of life, but once in a lifetime... in a time in the future, when we're happily settled down into our comfortable homes, with all the appliances and gadgets we want, with the loves of our lives... we'll think back to those hostel days, and recall with a pang, the troubles, the aches, the folly of youth...
Those unfinished schoolwork, those unrequited loves, those uncalled for scoldings... and all the pain and stress they bring...
They're what make life so real, and I'm sure we'll miss them one day...
I wish to live in the present instead of putting myself in such oldie shoes... but I can't stop my mind from wandering...
I guess what I want to tell myself is that though life seems sad and hard... it's still good and special and worth living for... and should be held close to my heart...
would you lean on me forever
and never let go
I went off @
10:05 AM
and never let go
if i couldn't write
i think i would die
I went off @
10:05 AM
i think i would die
i remember when, i remember
i remember when i lost my mind
there was something so pleasant about that place
even your emotions have an echo in so much space
I went off @
9:56 AM
i remember when i lost my mind
there was something so pleasant about that place
even your emotions have an echo in so much space
this october is rushing by like a car ride that you wish would never end...
I went off @
8:20 AM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
i dreamt of that long staircase
and a time in my youth
that wasn't mine
I went off @
10:28 PM
and a time in my youth
that wasn't mine
while i can think
while i can talk
while i can stand
while i can walk
while i can dream
please let my dream
come true
... right now
I went off @
10:17 AM
while i can talk
while i can stand
while i can walk
while i can dream
please let my dream
come true
... right now
In some ways, I feel terribly immature. It's 1 am and I haven't gotten down to doing up a simple project that I was supposed to. I just feel so restless and preoccupied and have no mood to do it.
All I wanna do is write random stuff, surf useless things, or maybe read a book.
There is no motivation to do work...
All I can think about is...
This was one of those nights where I was so afraid to be alone, to lack distractions. I put off going home for the longest time and dreaded it so...
I went off @
9:56 AM
All I wanna do is write random stuff, surf useless things, or maybe read a book.
There is no motivation to do work...
All I can think about is...
This was one of those nights where I was so afraid to be alone, to lack distractions. I put off going home for the longest time and dreaded it so...
in a bowl of soup
the taste of home
I went off @
9:14 AM
the taste of home
if you said goodbye to me tonight
there would still be music left to write
what else could i do
i'm so inspired by you
that hasn't happened for the longest time
I went off @
8:28 AM
there would still be music left to write
what else could i do
i'm so inspired by you
that hasn't happened for the longest time
Friday, October 16, 2009
I have a mortal fear of moths, huge moths. It seems that there has always been people around me to depend on everytime I meet one. This time, I was truly, absolutely alone. It's so bewildering how I can be so afraid of animals, how weak and shaken I become. How I tremble and break out in cold sweat.
I had to wait outside my room for half an hour thinking of what to do, hoping but not believing that it had left my room. Yes it really didn't leave my room even with the door wide open. I had to use slippers and a pole to kill it. It's so garishly horrid to need to kill something, and I hated every moment of it. Goosebumps and shivers throughout :/ But I had to do it or I would never have risked sleeping in my room. Walking over to cheryl's room, knocking on meiyin's room till she woke up, or sleeping in the tv lounge... I would have readily done any of those instead of sleeping in my room without the knowledge that the moth was gone.
That's how afraid I am and I hate that helplessness...
as i stood there alone and invited those tears
they told me they had been waiting
I went off @
2:39 PM
I had to wait outside my room for half an hour thinking of what to do, hoping but not believing that it had left my room. Yes it really didn't leave my room even with the door wide open. I had to use slippers and a pole to kill it. It's so garishly horrid to need to kill something, and I hated every moment of it. Goosebumps and shivers throughout :/ But I had to do it or I would never have risked sleeping in my room. Walking over to cheryl's room, knocking on meiyin's room till she woke up, or sleeping in the tv lounge... I would have readily done any of those instead of sleeping in my room without the knowledge that the moth was gone.
That's how afraid I am and I hate that helplessness...
as i stood there alone and invited those tears
they told me they had been waiting
the hold on me, can i feel it once in my lifetime
just once
I went off @
2:35 PM
just once
seconds, when it could have been minutes
minutes, when it could have been hours
hours, when it could have been days
days, when it could have been weeks
weeks, when it could have been months
wish you were here
but then again
you always are
I went off @
1:23 PM
minutes, when it could have been hours
hours, when it could have been days
days, when it could have been weeks
weeks, when it could have been months
wish you were here
but then again
you always are
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
in my life I've loved them all
in my life I love you more
I went off @
11:48 AM
in my life I love you more
Wonder why three people are not answering my smses. Unlikeable aura day?
...
Wonder why I cannot start doing my schoolwork. Too many things to do?
...
Wonder if it is malice, delusion or innocent ignorance. Mixture of three?
...
Wonder why I feel this way, it's just today.
...
I went off @
11:39 AM
...
Wonder why I cannot start doing my schoolwork. Too many things to do?
...
Wonder if it is malice, delusion or innocent ignorance. Mixture of three?
...
Wonder why I feel this way, it's just today.
...
never get enough
never get enough
never get enough of you
I went off @
10:13 AM
never get enough
never get enough of you
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
+ Communicate and command players from where you can see the play, tell them who to mark and where to run if they're not doing it right, commend if they are.
+ Fakes and turns and abrupt movements to get out of tight spots and make successful runs and passes.
+ Faster passes for direct transition play, with body positioning correct for passing, or look up properly and confidently hold the ball for alternative play.
+ Stay nearer to the back
I went off @
1:21 PM
+ Fakes and turns and abrupt movements to get out of tight spots and make successful runs and passes.
+ Faster passes for direct transition play, with body positioning correct for passing, or look up properly and confidently hold the ball for alternative play.
+ Stay nearer to the back
I don't know why I felt the need to escape from hall thirteen today. I felt like I needed to talk to someone, like I didn't want to be alone. Isn't it weird for me to think that I will be alone in thirteen? Maybe I just want a break from reality, from the norm. To get out of my routine and familiar environment and go somewhere else. I don't even mind sleeping on the floor instead of my comfortable bed. There's just this something that makes me wanna run away.
I feel so alone, and I really miss you GALS.
Feel so scared and helpless when I'm alone in my single room, like I need someone there. I can't fathom why either. Since when have I been so dependent on people.
Then after trying to do work for awhile in cheryl's room, I felt like I needed a break more than ever, and left on a nighttime stroll on impulse. The attraction of exploring new places was too strong and I walked along the corridors and out of the hall despite being *inappropriately dressed*.
The carpark behind hall 4 is to me a lovely place, quiet and desolate at night. I saw a curvy road leading upwards and decided to just follow it. There's always this sense of bravado about me, the need to do pointless and risky things. I thought vaguely of the dangers and horrors it might bring, and went ahead anyway. I told myself I'm strong at heart, and strong in will, and nothing can hurt me. I think I went on this stroll cos I was a little sad and needed some time to think about things. I hate to admit things that I know would hurt me, I hate to admit that I'm vulnerable. But this time I think I admitted it to myself.
There's this sense of hopelessness as always but also a very faint dissenting voice. The dissenting voice that hurts me deepest ultimately. Faced with this what do you do.
Do you walk up the curvy road leading upwards that might hold horrible dangers and horrors? Or do you be prudent and stay where you are.
I think I'll walk up, cos that's how I am, and I can't change that. But I'll hold back the need to drive up.
I still bear some painfully itchy mosquito bites from that nighttime stroll, but they'll fade eventually and it was worth the thrill. The again, they took a part of me with them forever, and it can't ever be returned.
I went off @
12:39 PM
I feel so alone, and I really miss you GALS.
Feel so scared and helpless when I'm alone in my single room, like I need someone there. I can't fathom why either. Since when have I been so dependent on people.
Then after trying to do work for awhile in cheryl's room, I felt like I needed a break more than ever, and left on a nighttime stroll on impulse. The attraction of exploring new places was too strong and I walked along the corridors and out of the hall despite being *inappropriately dressed*.
The carpark behind hall 4 is to me a lovely place, quiet and desolate at night. I saw a curvy road leading upwards and decided to just follow it. There's always this sense of bravado about me, the need to do pointless and risky things. I thought vaguely of the dangers and horrors it might bring, and went ahead anyway. I told myself I'm strong at heart, and strong in will, and nothing can hurt me. I think I went on this stroll cos I was a little sad and needed some time to think about things. I hate to admit things that I know would hurt me, I hate to admit that I'm vulnerable. But this time I think I admitted it to myself.
There's this sense of hopelessness as always but also a very faint dissenting voice. The dissenting voice that hurts me deepest ultimately. Faced with this what do you do.
Do you walk up the curvy road leading upwards that might hold horrible dangers and horrors? Or do you be prudent and stay where you are.
I think I'll walk up, cos that's how I am, and I can't change that. But I'll hold back the need to drive up.
I still bear some painfully itchy mosquito bites from that nighttime stroll, but they'll fade eventually and it was worth the thrill. The again, they took a part of me with them forever, and it can't ever be returned.
the clouds are white tonight
just a hall away
i see them in a different light
I went off @
12:24 PM
just a hall away
i see them in a different light
I DON'T love U
like I did YESTERDAY
there's NO other way
than to SAY goodbye
I went off @
3:12 AM
like I did YESTERDAY
there's NO other way
than to SAY goodbye
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Somehow the topic of studies and careers has surfaced in conversations more than once today. The feelings of unease and regret have been bubbling and flowing through me, threatening to culminate in a pit of self-blame.
Thank goodness there was a form of awakening today, a drive to explore the world and find out what I'm good at (well there has to be something!) instead of following the candied path. I'm just troubled cos I don't know what it is I'm good at right now. That's why life is a journey isn't it, I should go out there and throw myself into the fray and find out. There were a few options which I would seemingly excel at, that I could have held on to in the past, but I did not. That's why there still resides some feelings of regret and blame.
But well as I always hear, everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for the path I took. And I rather like the person I am today, haha! Sometimes, I also think that certain failures and missed chances teach you, render you stronger. Though I missed the super lucrative boat on several occasions and ignored my potential screaming to get out so many times... There's still the chance for me to find the alternatives, things that I could do well at and enjoy just as much.
And perhaps we should look to other avenues in life for 'value and meaning' , perhaps we should just keep the job for intellectual and monetary meaning. haha. It's late and I don't know how else to put this.
When you talk to someone with similar worries and experiences to yours, you tend to dish out the same advice that you should be espousing all along. And it's a good thing.
it's too late to regret but never too late to restrategize
I went off @
11:28 AM
Thank goodness there was a form of awakening today, a drive to explore the world and find out what I'm good at (well there has to be something!) instead of following the candied path. I'm just troubled cos I don't know what it is I'm good at right now. That's why life is a journey isn't it, I should go out there and throw myself into the fray and find out. There were a few options which I would seemingly excel at, that I could have held on to in the past, but I did not. That's why there still resides some feelings of regret and blame.
But well as I always hear, everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for the path I took. And I rather like the person I am today, haha! Sometimes, I also think that certain failures and missed chances teach you, render you stronger. Though I missed the super lucrative boat on several occasions and ignored my potential screaming to get out so many times... There's still the chance for me to find the alternatives, things that I could do well at and enjoy just as much.
And perhaps we should look to other avenues in life for 'value and meaning' , perhaps we should just keep the job for intellectual and monetary meaning. haha. It's late and I don't know how else to put this.
When you talk to someone with similar worries and experiences to yours, you tend to dish out the same advice that you should be espousing all along. And it's a good thing.
it's too late to regret but never too late to restrategize
"Life is full of opportunities and alternatives, and no route leads to a dead end"
I went off @
11:16 AM
Friday, October 9, 2009
If you are too concerned about others, try to help them too much, feel too affected when they are sad; no one is gonna care about you. I have reason to believe it is a causal relationship. When you're too eager to please, it turns people off. It's a subconscious thing but all conscious efforts must be made to alleviate it. Or else you will be the unloved for ever and ever.
I went off @
1:05 PM
It's been a week of skipping lessons and sleeping at five everyday. It's just been... nice. And I know for sure I am more productive when I go out of my room to do work. Gotta build on this and buck up, lots of work to do from now. No more wasting so much time in my room. There's time to work and time to play.
Haven't had a lot of floorball this week. Last played on tuesday but not shiok enough cos my forearms and butt muscles feel very weird, can't perform to my best ability. Still a little painful now, gotta take care not to over-exert tomorrow.
I would like to say what's off the court stays off the court, and what's on the court stays on the court. But it's inevitable that personal relationships and liking affect how well you play with teammates. I sincerely do hope that on-court chemistry can somehow be developed. Let's be professional. I'm enjoying ivp training and appreciate the improvements I can make. From the last friendly, I gotta work on my positioning when supporting (face the play), looking out for a clear path from your teammate's blade to yours and run accordingly, making safer and faster passes (try some that don't hit the board and some to the centre in the middle). On the defensive side, body stronger on the ball, apply more pressure to opponents, kneel down to block shots with more discipline.
Played a little bit of mahjong and went out for dinner today, checked out staff club but they don't even have microphones anymore. cui! Simple but fulfilling night, a good end to the school week :)
i am the eye in the sky
on top of the world
whatever the expression
i am above them
i should shake my legs and enjoy the fruits of heaven
instead of frowning down at them
i wish there was a way to tell you you're an inspiration, some inspire you to not be as f-ed up as them, some inspire you to do things you didn't think you could. either way thank you.
I went off @
12:43 PM
Haven't had a lot of floorball this week. Last played on tuesday but not shiok enough cos my forearms and butt muscles feel very weird, can't perform to my best ability. Still a little painful now, gotta take care not to over-exert tomorrow.
I would like to say what's off the court stays off the court, and what's on the court stays on the court. But it's inevitable that personal relationships and liking affect how well you play with teammates. I sincerely do hope that on-court chemistry can somehow be developed. Let's be professional. I'm enjoying ivp training and appreciate the improvements I can make. From the last friendly, I gotta work on my positioning when supporting (face the play), looking out for a clear path from your teammate's blade to yours and run accordingly, making safer and faster passes (try some that don't hit the board and some to the centre in the middle). On the defensive side, body stronger on the ball, apply more pressure to opponents, kneel down to block shots with more discipline.
Played a little bit of mahjong and went out for dinner today, checked out staff club but they don't even have microphones anymore. cui! Simple but fulfilling night, a good end to the school week :)
i am the eye in the sky
on top of the world
whatever the expression
i am above them
i should shake my legs and enjoy the fruits of heaven
instead of frowning down at them
i wish there was a way to tell you you're an inspiration, some inspire you to not be as f-ed up as them, some inspire you to do things you didn't think you could. either way thank you.
他不爱我
牵手的时候太冷清
拥抱的时候不够靠近
他不爱我
说话的时候不够认真
沈默的时候又太用心
我知道他不爱我
他的眼神说出他的心。。。
他不爱我
尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心。
I went off @
11:59 AM
牵手的时候太冷清
拥抱的时候不够靠近
他不爱我
说话的时候不够认真
沈默的时候又太用心
我知道他不爱我
他的眼神说出他的心。。。
他不爱我
尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心。
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Why is it so hard for humans to be contented? They can have a happy day, but they worry about the future, worry about people not worth worrying about, they think about past losses, they trouble over unanswered questions, they hanker after things they don't have.
Well we have too high a cognitive ability to help it. We can't stop our brains from branching out and thinking too much. We may try to say hey lets appreciate the good and ignore the bad. But before that happens we've already been hit by the thoughts of discontentment.
I've been rather happy but I feel like there's so much on my mind, so much that I can't even consolidate my thoughts. At this moment I'm grateful this semester is so much better than the last, when I was alone in internship. I'm so glad I'm not missing out this time :)
And I'm using certain happenings to add on to my life knowledge and experience base, instead of mulling over them. Fact of life #8771 - Some people are just fucked up, and these people *gasps* actually do get their way, they may hurt you directly or even indirectly. Sincerity and effort actually have a hard time against money and popularity, in some cases, they even lose spectacularly. But you know what, the bottomline is that whatever they do, it shouldn't bother you cos basically what they're doing is wrong. And why bother with such wrong, childish acts that are beneath you.
Anyway, I am obsessed with 'barbie boy', my codename for the youtube guy with the screechyilostmyballs voice. I was creeped out at first but over time I find myself looking at video after video cos it's so damn entertaining! Omg haha.
Hi Barbie.
Hi Ken!
You wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump in!
in a way its good that i didn't have it, or else i would have gone all the way there and made my life just a little more complicated.
I went off @
1:49 PM
Well we have too high a cognitive ability to help it. We can't stop our brains from branching out and thinking too much. We may try to say hey lets appreciate the good and ignore the bad. But before that happens we've already been hit by the thoughts of discontentment.
I've been rather happy but I feel like there's so much on my mind, so much that I can't even consolidate my thoughts. At this moment I'm grateful this semester is so much better than the last, when I was alone in internship. I'm so glad I'm not missing out this time :)
And I'm using certain happenings to add on to my life knowledge and experience base, instead of mulling over them. Fact of life #8771 - Some people are just fucked up, and these people *gasps* actually do get their way, they may hurt you directly or even indirectly. Sincerity and effort actually have a hard time against money and popularity, in some cases, they even lose spectacularly. But you know what, the bottomline is that whatever they do, it shouldn't bother you cos basically what they're doing is wrong. And why bother with such wrong, childish acts that are beneath you.
Anyway, I am obsessed with 'barbie boy', my codename for the youtube guy with the screechyilostmyballs voice. I was creeped out at first but over time I find myself looking at video after video cos it's so damn entertaining! Omg haha.
Hi Barbie.
Hi Ken!
You wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump in!
in a way its good that i didn't have it, or else i would have gone all the way there and made my life just a little more complicated.
Love this song...
Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
You said "hello" and I turned to go
But something in your eyes left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find
That you were gone.
Whenever you are, I fear that I might
Have lost you forever like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again after a long, long while
I've loved again.
Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you
Hmm, beautiful girl
- Beautiful Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdxaClJD7-o
I went off @
1:17 PM
Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
You said "hello" and I turned to go
But something in your eyes left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find
That you were gone.
Whenever you are, I fear that I might
Have lost you forever like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again after a long, long while
I've loved again.
Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you
Hmm, beautiful girl
- Beautiful Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdxaClJD7-o
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
love is when you're sad when it's sad
love is when you're happy when it's happy
love is when you can be sad for yourself but happy for it
I went off @
12:37 PM
love is when you're happy when it's happy
love is when you can be sad for yourself but happy for it
HCMemories
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
It was cloudy the day we first descended onto Ho Chi Minh City. Even from the plane, the vibrant character and colours of the city stood out. The excitement of being in a foreign land buzzed amongst the group of three travelers.
We decided to board a bus, the most humble and direct form of transport from Tan Son Nhat International Airport to our hostel in the backpackers’ area, Pham Ngu Lao. It was a journey that perfectly introduced this unique city to us. The sheer number of scooters fighting for space on the roads, the incessant honking, the number of pagodas we passed along the way. This was it. This was Ho Chi Minh City.
With its warm yellow bricks, clean environment and friendly staff, a warm feeling was apparent from our hostel, Hong Han Guesthouse, from the very start. Putting our backpacks into our room, and trying our best to ignore the comfortable looking beds, we geared up to explore the city on foot.
A visit to Ho Chi Minh City would not be complete without a taste of its political and military past. The War Remnants Museum, with its collection of war machines, vehicles, photos and stories, would be a good start. The halls of the simple building are one marked by a solemn, quietly respectful nature. There is also a slight tingling of mourning in the air, a feeling of horror emanating from the viewers of its galleries. This portrayal of the atrocities of the Vietnam War is definitely not one for the faint hearted.
It was still drizzling as we set off from the museum, and with the rain, more of the city’s resilient character came to life. The roads never seemed to mind the rain; they never slowed down, never lost its life. Scooter riders all appeared in unison in dark green or blue raincoats, and it wasn’t uncommon to find the pillion riders sharing the same raincoat, often hiding their whole bodies under it in the process. It was a rather comical yet wondrous sight to behold.
For a further delve into Vietnam’s political history, visit the Reunification Palace. It was the site of the handover of power from South to North Vietnam in 1975, and remained the presidential palace for some years thereafter. Today, it is an extravagantly restored, chandelier filled tourist attraction. Guided tours are provided within the building itself.
Architecturally, perhaps the most famous building in Ho Chi Minh City is the Central Post Office. Designed by Gustave Eiffel in the 19th century, it is a piece of French colonial style right smack in a South East Asian city. As you enter the building, intricate designs above and beneath you jostle for the attention of your senses. Both the ceiling and the flooring boast colourful patterns and a huge portrait of the father of Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh, is present in the middle of the building.
Just across the street from the Post Office, near a road charmingly named Cong Xa Paris, is the Notre Dame Cathedral. Officially called the Saigon Notre Dame Cathedral Bascilica, it is another French legacy still standing in the city. The deep red bricks were imported directly from Marseilles in France, and the church built in a Neo-Romanesque facade with gothic elements. This place of worship for the Catholics residing in the city is indeed one of the most outstanding and beautiful buildings in it.
After a day of architectural and historical appreciation, the time to satisfy hunger pangs finally arrived. Roadside stalls, local eateries, and western restaurants are all readily available and affordable options. We decided to seek out a particular eatery that serves Vietnamese beef noodle soup at 260C Pasteur Street, from a friend’s and travel guide recommendations. Little did we know that because of the lack of details in the map, we would have to walk on and on not knowing where our destination was for one hour before we would finally reach it! We started our journey from around the middle of this incredibly long Pasteur Street and thank goodness we chanced upon the right direction. Our luck definitely served us better than the map because it sure did not indicate where 260C was!
After a long hard day of walking and a famished and uncertain last hour of searching, the feeling when we finally got our huge steaming bowls of noodles was truly once in a lifetime. The fragrant garnishes, smooth noodles, tender chunks of beef were gladly devoured. It was like nothing we had tasted before.
The next morning, we were greeted by another quintessentially Vietnamese food experience; breakfast on our open-air guesthouse terrace. The local traffic ploughed on along the street below us as we lazed in the terrace soaking up the warm Vietnamese sunshine. Breakfast provided includes egg with capsicum and French loaf with jam. The French loaves are one of the best things about this city!
For short guided tours out of the main city centre, one can make a booking with a local travel agency at low prices. Two popular tours are the Cu Chi Tunnel tour and the Mekong Delta tour.
The Cu Chi area hides an immense network of tunnels that were the Viet Cong’s base of operations during the Vietnam War. A portion of it has been preserved by the government and turned into a tourist attraction. The Cu Chi Tunnels provide another peek into Vietnam’s stormy war past. There are many booby traps on display, and tourists are invited to crawl through some of the tunnel systems. Tourists can also try their hand at shooting a selection of rifles for a few US dollars per bullet.
The Mekong Delta guided tour is a comprehensive and enjoyable one day tour. To get around the region, you get to have a taste of three modes of transportation: motor boat, row boat and pony-drawn carriages. That’s something you don’t get everyday, in the span of a day! Tourists will also be introduced to the local produce such as coconut candies, rice paper, fruits and bee-produced honey. For western tourists who are not familiar with tropical fruits, the array of papaya, jackfruit, banana, longan and dragonfruit is indeed an assault to their senses. As a Canadian tourist put it, “this is a paradise!”
These guided tours are not for the independent traveler who does not enjoy following a guide and being shown local products after local products. It is indeed a little repetitive and forced at times, but a good break from the city and good insight into Vietnamese livelihood.
Back in the city centre, the avenues for some shopping and leisure are aplenty. Night markets and shopping centres are chock full of vendors selling tourist goods and clothes. Bargaining is a tricky business though, as vendors tend to be savvy and reluctant to lower prices. Still, it is possible to make away with reasonably priced fashion and fun buys like sunglasses.
For massage services, head on over to the Blind Association of Ho Chi Minh City. Provided by blind masseurs, a decent rub-down only costs about US$3 per hour. Not only will your tired body be getting a well-deserved reprieve, you’ll be providing the blind folk with a livelihood, which is always a good thing. The surroundings are spartan and it could be a little difficult communicating with the blind masseurs if you have requests. So it is best to equip oneself with very basic Vietnamese!
The backpackers’ area, Pham Ngu Lao, teems with life when the sun sets, with bars on every other street corner. Bars with their distinct characters scream out to passers-by, drawing them in. The bigger nightclubs send out eloquent young workers who try their hardest to charm tourists into their clubs. Drinks are cheap in Ho Chi Minh City and there is a sizeable array of beers to choose from, but of course one should try the local beer, Bia Saigon.
We settled in the largest, newest nightclub in town, Crazy Buffalo, on our last night there. The inside of the bar could be like any other in the world, with its basic interior, football playing on an LCD screen, and sea of westerners having a drink and smoke. The music though, is clearly pirated and the drinks and cigarettes are too cheap to make you mistaken you’re anywhere but here.
Ho Chi Minh City hardly seems to sleep. Shops stay open way past nightfall, scooters buzz down the streets at any time of the day. The park opposite the popular tourist market, Ben Thanh Market, is just a passing route in the day, but a flurry of people at night. Lovers embracing on their scooters, families playing badminton or capteh, groups of middle-aged people sitting and talking, it is a scene that could come from anywhere in the world. It reminds us that while we are all the same, our cultures are so incredibly uniquely different.
Our final day in Ho Chi Minh City was spent making some last minute buys and having a last taste of Vietnam. We said goodbye to the place we called home for the last five days, and off to the airport and up on the plane we went. And in just two hours we were back home. Two months on, the essence of the city still resonates in me.
I went off @
10:42 AM
We decided to board a bus, the most humble and direct form of transport from Tan Son Nhat International Airport to our hostel in the backpackers’ area, Pham Ngu Lao. It was a journey that perfectly introduced this unique city to us. The sheer number of scooters fighting for space on the roads, the incessant honking, the number of pagodas we passed along the way. This was it. This was Ho Chi Minh City.
With its warm yellow bricks, clean environment and friendly staff, a warm feeling was apparent from our hostel, Hong Han Guesthouse, from the very start. Putting our backpacks into our room, and trying our best to ignore the comfortable looking beds, we geared up to explore the city on foot.
A visit to Ho Chi Minh City would not be complete without a taste of its political and military past. The War Remnants Museum, with its collection of war machines, vehicles, photos and stories, would be a good start. The halls of the simple building are one marked by a solemn, quietly respectful nature. There is also a slight tingling of mourning in the air, a feeling of horror emanating from the viewers of its galleries. This portrayal of the atrocities of the Vietnam War is definitely not one for the faint hearted.
It was still drizzling as we set off from the museum, and with the rain, more of the city’s resilient character came to life. The roads never seemed to mind the rain; they never slowed down, never lost its life. Scooter riders all appeared in unison in dark green or blue raincoats, and it wasn’t uncommon to find the pillion riders sharing the same raincoat, often hiding their whole bodies under it in the process. It was a rather comical yet wondrous sight to behold.
For a further delve into Vietnam’s political history, visit the Reunification Palace. It was the site of the handover of power from South to North Vietnam in 1975, and remained the presidential palace for some years thereafter. Today, it is an extravagantly restored, chandelier filled tourist attraction. Guided tours are provided within the building itself.
Architecturally, perhaps the most famous building in Ho Chi Minh City is the Central Post Office. Designed by Gustave Eiffel in the 19th century, it is a piece of French colonial style right smack in a South East Asian city. As you enter the building, intricate designs above and beneath you jostle for the attention of your senses. Both the ceiling and the flooring boast colourful patterns and a huge portrait of the father of Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh, is present in the middle of the building.
Just across the street from the Post Office, near a road charmingly named Cong Xa Paris, is the Notre Dame Cathedral. Officially called the Saigon Notre Dame Cathedral Bascilica, it is another French legacy still standing in the city. The deep red bricks were imported directly from Marseilles in France, and the church built in a Neo-Romanesque facade with gothic elements. This place of worship for the Catholics residing in the city is indeed one of the most outstanding and beautiful buildings in it.
After a day of architectural and historical appreciation, the time to satisfy hunger pangs finally arrived. Roadside stalls, local eateries, and western restaurants are all readily available and affordable options. We decided to seek out a particular eatery that serves Vietnamese beef noodle soup at 260C Pasteur Street, from a friend’s and travel guide recommendations. Little did we know that because of the lack of details in the map, we would have to walk on and on not knowing where our destination was for one hour before we would finally reach it! We started our journey from around the middle of this incredibly long Pasteur Street and thank goodness we chanced upon the right direction. Our luck definitely served us better than the map because it sure did not indicate where 260C was!
After a long hard day of walking and a famished and uncertain last hour of searching, the feeling when we finally got our huge steaming bowls of noodles was truly once in a lifetime. The fragrant garnishes, smooth noodles, tender chunks of beef were gladly devoured. It was like nothing we had tasted before.
The next morning, we were greeted by another quintessentially Vietnamese food experience; breakfast on our open-air guesthouse terrace. The local traffic ploughed on along the street below us as we lazed in the terrace soaking up the warm Vietnamese sunshine. Breakfast provided includes egg with capsicum and French loaf with jam. The French loaves are one of the best things about this city!
For short guided tours out of the main city centre, one can make a booking with a local travel agency at low prices. Two popular tours are the Cu Chi Tunnel tour and the Mekong Delta tour.
The Cu Chi area hides an immense network of tunnels that were the Viet Cong’s base of operations during the Vietnam War. A portion of it has been preserved by the government and turned into a tourist attraction. The Cu Chi Tunnels provide another peek into Vietnam’s stormy war past. There are many booby traps on display, and tourists are invited to crawl through some of the tunnel systems. Tourists can also try their hand at shooting a selection of rifles for a few US dollars per bullet.
The Mekong Delta guided tour is a comprehensive and enjoyable one day tour. To get around the region, you get to have a taste of three modes of transportation: motor boat, row boat and pony-drawn carriages. That’s something you don’t get everyday, in the span of a day! Tourists will also be introduced to the local produce such as coconut candies, rice paper, fruits and bee-produced honey. For western tourists who are not familiar with tropical fruits, the array of papaya, jackfruit, banana, longan and dragonfruit is indeed an assault to their senses. As a Canadian tourist put it, “this is a paradise!”
These guided tours are not for the independent traveler who does not enjoy following a guide and being shown local products after local products. It is indeed a little repetitive and forced at times, but a good break from the city and good insight into Vietnamese livelihood.
Back in the city centre, the avenues for some shopping and leisure are aplenty. Night markets and shopping centres are chock full of vendors selling tourist goods and clothes. Bargaining is a tricky business though, as vendors tend to be savvy and reluctant to lower prices. Still, it is possible to make away with reasonably priced fashion and fun buys like sunglasses.
For massage services, head on over to the Blind Association of Ho Chi Minh City. Provided by blind masseurs, a decent rub-down only costs about US$3 per hour. Not only will your tired body be getting a well-deserved reprieve, you’ll be providing the blind folk with a livelihood, which is always a good thing. The surroundings are spartan and it could be a little difficult communicating with the blind masseurs if you have requests. So it is best to equip oneself with very basic Vietnamese!
The backpackers’ area, Pham Ngu Lao, teems with life when the sun sets, with bars on every other street corner. Bars with their distinct characters scream out to passers-by, drawing them in. The bigger nightclubs send out eloquent young workers who try their hardest to charm tourists into their clubs. Drinks are cheap in Ho Chi Minh City and there is a sizeable array of beers to choose from, but of course one should try the local beer, Bia Saigon.
We settled in the largest, newest nightclub in town, Crazy Buffalo, on our last night there. The inside of the bar could be like any other in the world, with its basic interior, football playing on an LCD screen, and sea of westerners having a drink and smoke. The music though, is clearly pirated and the drinks and cigarettes are too cheap to make you mistaken you’re anywhere but here.
Ho Chi Minh City hardly seems to sleep. Shops stay open way past nightfall, scooters buzz down the streets at any time of the day. The park opposite the popular tourist market, Ben Thanh Market, is just a passing route in the day, but a flurry of people at night. Lovers embracing on their scooters, families playing badminton or capteh, groups of middle-aged people sitting and talking, it is a scene that could come from anywhere in the world. It reminds us that while we are all the same, our cultures are so incredibly uniquely different.
Our final day in Ho Chi Minh City was spent making some last minute buys and having a last taste of Vietnam. We said goodbye to the place we called home for the last five days, and off to the airport and up on the plane we went. And in just two hours we were back home. Two months on, the essence of the city still resonates in me.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Five am on a rainy tuesday morning, I walked along the cold corridors in search of an empty room but found none. The wind grew stronger and rain heavier, threatening thunder looming in the distance. I made my way to my staircase landing to find solace in my friend, the rain.
It's so easy to prod me in the weak spots, melting me.
Back in my room, still cold though, there's lovely music playing on the radio. Still have my essay to go on about. I write it not for the sake of an assignment anymore, but for my own reminisces, my own enjoyment. Miss Viet Nam.
you are far
when i could have been your star
I went off @
2:38 PM
It's so easy to prod me in the weak spots, melting me.
Back in my room, still cold though, there's lovely music playing on the radio. Still have my essay to go on about. I write it not for the sake of an assignment anymore, but for my own reminisces, my own enjoyment. Miss Viet Nam.
you are far
when i could have been your star
This semester should never ever end.
I went off @
10:32 AM
I never cease to be amazed at how comfortable my hall bed feels. How I can lie down and sigh in pleasure, how the weather is mostly pleasant. Sometimes simple things like these make me feel oh so lucky and well taken care of. After living here for more than 2 years, this really feels like home. And my bed the most comfortable place on earth.
I went off @
2:13 AM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I really wish you were here right now.
Ok I think you've got control of my heartstrings.
Oh maybe you too.
Spread the love, spread the hurt.
This is for yous.
I went off @
1:20 PM
Ok I think you've got control of my heartstrings.
Oh maybe you too.
Spread the love, spread the hurt.
This is for yous.
Raindrops falling on car windows at night, cruising down an expressway... I just wish this ride would never end. I don't want to leave this haven and go back to reality.
We don't wanna grow up.
We want to stay young.
We just want to have fun forever.
There's some kind of magic in the rain. Something about it that traverses through time. It seems like the raindrops hold memories and feelings from ages ago, transporting them back and forth in time. Sometimes I think, I died in a car accident along the ECP in the rain with the person I love, in my past life. The image of me driving in that scenario always fills me, and it's so mysteriously poignant. Maybe that's why the rain makes me feel so nostalgic and emotional, and why I'm so pathetically passionate and intent on driving people around so much. Cos the last breath I took in my past life was in the rain, in a car, with my loved one. That's just so crazy and scary... It's not that I definitely believe in past lives, I just read stuff and have a wild imagination. So yup I'm not out of my mind, yet, haha.
I am a reluctant resident of reality now, sitting in my hall room, doing anything but anything useful. Dire academic situation. Lack of niche, lack of direction. But I just made a seemingly nonchalant but momentous decision; I registered for the physical proficiency test. If I make it through, high chance I'll end up there. Fuzzy images of studying there too and I decided to follow my gut. Maybe I just don't want to grow up, I don't want to go out there into the desert and have to find my oasis. I want to continue being shown a path marked by candies. I want to enjoy my youth while I can. And I don't think it's entirely wrong. Honestly, we only live once. And what if I die young, wouldn't it be best that I've enjoyed the time I had?
I'm loving it, the here and now. But it's hard not to think about the future.
Once again, I have a chocolate saviour when I'm sad, a listening ear when I'm sad. Thank you yirui and meiyin. There's always someone there :)
I went off @
12:28 PM
We don't wanna grow up.
We want to stay young.
We just want to have fun forever.
There's some kind of magic in the rain. Something about it that traverses through time. It seems like the raindrops hold memories and feelings from ages ago, transporting them back and forth in time. Sometimes I think, I died in a car accident along the ECP in the rain with the person I love, in my past life. The image of me driving in that scenario always fills me, and it's so mysteriously poignant. Maybe that's why the rain makes me feel so nostalgic and emotional, and why I'm so pathetically passionate and intent on driving people around so much. Cos the last breath I took in my past life was in the rain, in a car, with my loved one. That's just so crazy and scary... It's not that I definitely believe in past lives, I just read stuff and have a wild imagination. So yup I'm not out of my mind, yet, haha.
I am a reluctant resident of reality now, sitting in my hall room, doing anything but anything useful. Dire academic situation. Lack of niche, lack of direction. But I just made a seemingly nonchalant but momentous decision; I registered for the physical proficiency test. If I make it through, high chance I'll end up there. Fuzzy images of studying there too and I decided to follow my gut. Maybe I just don't want to grow up, I don't want to go out there into the desert and have to find my oasis. I want to continue being shown a path marked by candies. I want to enjoy my youth while I can. And I don't think it's entirely wrong. Honestly, we only live once. And what if I die young, wouldn't it be best that I've enjoyed the time I had?
I'm loving it, the here and now. But it's hard not to think about the future.
Once again, I have a chocolate saviour when I'm sad, a listening ear when I'm sad. Thank you yirui and meiyin. There's always someone there :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
There are times when you see it coming, and you know it doesn't matter, but that doesn't stop it from smashing into your windscreen and splaying it with blood.
The blood marred my day a little, I just couldn't help it. I'm hurt by what has happened and I don't understand why it has. Not only sad at the extent of it but the changes in it. I'm also hurt on your behalf.
Striving to wipe the unimportant bits off my emotional map. It takes time, and I consider it impossible to not be affected at all. I'll be sad at the rottenness for a while, but I know what's good and worth it and I'll appreciate them.
This is a world of convenience.
This is a world of face-giving.
Those were sweeping statements.
When things happen outside of those boundaries, you know the people involved are the ones worth your love, care and time.
Every little message, little showing up, little wellwish is a moment taken and a piece of a heart. Sometimes.
I went off @
2:04 PM
The blood marred my day a little, I just couldn't help it. I'm hurt by what has happened and I don't understand why it has. Not only sad at the extent of it but the changes in it. I'm also hurt on your behalf.
Striving to wipe the unimportant bits off my emotional map. It takes time, and I consider it impossible to not be affected at all. I'll be sad at the rottenness for a while, but I know what's good and worth it and I'll appreciate them.
This is a world of convenience.
This is a world of face-giving.
Those were sweeping statements.
When things happen outside of those boundaries, you know the people involved are the ones worth your love, care and time.
Every little message, little showing up, little wellwish is a moment taken and a piece of a heart. Sometimes.
Thank you for planning my birthday celebrations for me.
Thank you for showing up even though we may not be close.
Thank you for the cheena cake lol.
Thank you for the present.
Thank you for the well wishes.
Thank you for the small random surprises.
Thank you for coming though were busy.
Thank you for coming all the way to ntu though you had work the next day.
Thank you for calling me from KL.
Thank you for getting so many things for the gathering.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for the alcohol haha.
I felt quite awkward at first having to see people whom I'm not close to come down, just felt... bad and awkwarddd there's no other word. And I've this mental block against people treating me well. It's a little hard to get used to when people other than my parents treat me so well. I'm so so touched and embarrassed and don't really know what to feel. But I deeply appreciate all the effort and will learn to get used to the feeling :)
For all the thoughtfulness, sweetness and effort you put in, I thank you all.
I can truly say I feel loved...
I went off @
1:46 PM
Thank you for showing up even though we may not be close.
Thank you for the cheena cake lol.
Thank you for the present.
Thank you for the well wishes.
Thank you for the small random surprises.
Thank you for coming though were busy.
Thank you for coming all the way to ntu though you had work the next day.
Thank you for calling me from KL.
Thank you for getting so many things for the gathering.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for the alcohol haha.
I felt quite awkward at first having to see people whom I'm not close to come down, just felt... bad and awkwarddd there's no other word. And I've this mental block against people treating me well. It's a little hard to get used to when people other than my parents treat me so well. I'm so so touched and embarrassed and don't really know what to feel. But I deeply appreciate all the effort and will learn to get used to the feeling :)
For all the thoughtfulness, sweetness and effort you put in, I thank you all.
I can truly say I feel loved...