Thursday, December 31, 2009
The best way to spend the changing of the years is to not waste it counting down. And to spend it the way I want, alone. Cos 2010's gonna be about me.
I went off @
8:43 PM
and sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and i have to close my eyes and hide
i wanna hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry
i wanna hold you
till the fear in me subsides
I went off @
7:33 PM
the honesty's too much
and i have to close my eyes and hide
i wanna hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry
i wanna hold you
till the fear in me subsides
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sitting here all alone in my hall room, feeling so loved and smiling to myself. I tell myself, I must get used to it. It's hard, and I feel so bad. But one should never feel bad to receive love, isn't it? Cos no matter what form it takes, how much money was spent.. if it was out of love.. one should embrace it? A little closer to breaking the mystery of why no one's ever loved me besides my parents... and I love them so much for doing so.
Once again, having to paint my masks time and again, with different colours different designs when people hack down at them. Unwittingly. Ouch.
Please please please keep up the act and don't ever lose your cool in a social setting. Suffer the pain alone or perhaps tell your closest friends, but don't storm out or blow your top, please. Just, try. and stretch your face. and smileeee. You can go and cry all you want when you are alone k, no rush.
I went off @
11:36 AM
Once again, having to paint my masks time and again, with different colours different designs when people hack down at them. Unwittingly. Ouch.
Please please please keep up the act and don't ever lose your cool in a social setting. Suffer the pain alone or perhaps tell your closest friends, but don't storm out or blow your top, please. Just, try. and stretch your face. and smileeee. You can go and cry all you want when you are alone k, no rush.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Oh fuck I just clicked something very wrong, against my better judgment, and I am fucking angry now.
Why can't I get over it after all these years...
It's not a matter of love or emotion anymore, its more of the hatred of losing.
Was talking about how I'd join street challenge every year looking to win. I really can't help it. No matter how much I'll tell myself to take it easy every year, I still really want to win.
Born competitive, what can I do.
Fighting a losing battle in the area of life that I have the least control over. And the negative repercussions just spill over to the other zones. Fucking up my great big life. Haha. I just want to laugh all the time. After all, there's nothing else I can do.
You know, I used to feel sad and affected after every few minutes with you. I'm glad that recently I've become more numb to the pain. But the masks are still pretty harsh to my facial and atrial muscles. I wish I had the strength to walk away.
And very secretly, I am utterly dreading the floorball chalet. I'm terrified of having to interact and socialise and 'have fun'. But I have no idea how to reject it. I can't face having to pretend to be happy, having to play games, having to exchange ten dollar presents. Also the thought of receiving some crap. Broken photo frame anyone? Oh my goodness I'm swimming in muck. Please understand if I don't show up.
I'm sick of thinking! I'm sick of analyzing things, people, situations! Once upon a time, solving puzzles and thinking long and hard would have been a sort of excitement. Now I'm falling sick.
*sniffs*
i hate this day more than any other day in the year
It reminds me how you never got me anything for this day, but went around buying a book for her when I stupidly asked to see you. It's like rotten turkey caramelizing. How I only got to eat rotten meat while she enjoyed a generous feast. You told me some unfair crap that I never should have believed. Thank you, thank you very much for fucking me up. I'll never know why I only deserved rotten meat.
the broken photo frame, the melting chocolates, the rotten turkey?
I think the reason for bad luck is that I can't appreciate good luck when I have it. I feel bad, I feel guilty, I feel sorry for others' plight. No wonder selfish people have all the luck. It's because they feel right at home having it, that's why luck also feels better knocking on their doors. I was a sourpuss at training today, primarily cos I couldn't perform basic acts well. True enough the fluttering green bib really did hamper my hand movement and view of the ball. And it was extra irritating, because the velcro kept coming off cos it was tight. TIGHT. And I could also feel the heat, the resentment, the will to want to KILL me off to prove they weren't lousier, from the people who were made to defend throughout. Instead of appreciating my good luck, I felt really awkward and guilty about it. Instead of standing up to the challenge, I lost all focus and fight. Argh. Bad outbursts controlled, but more appreciation and focus is in order.
It was mahjong that led me to this point. I just CAN'T feel all happy and pleased when I keep winning, like almost everyone else I know can do. I'll feel the need to stop winning even when I can. I get affected by people's black faces, I don't want the game to be so lopsided etc. And then when bad luck strikes BIG time, and I lose, lose and lose... lots and lots of money. Who's there to take pity on you and do the same for you? NO ONE. It's irrevocable proof that in all situations, I should just grab my good luck by the balls and enjoy myself with it. Don't care too much about other people, cos they don't care the same way for you.
Got the luck, got the skill.
You deserve it.
Go get it.
I went off @
11:13 AM
Why can't I get over it after all these years...
It's not a matter of love or emotion anymore, its more of the hatred of losing.
Was talking about how I'd join street challenge every year looking to win. I really can't help it. No matter how much I'll tell myself to take it easy every year, I still really want to win.
Born competitive, what can I do.
Fighting a losing battle in the area of life that I have the least control over. And the negative repercussions just spill over to the other zones. Fucking up my great big life. Haha. I just want to laugh all the time. After all, there's nothing else I can do.
You know, I used to feel sad and affected after every few minutes with you. I'm glad that recently I've become more numb to the pain. But the masks are still pretty harsh to my facial and atrial muscles. I wish I had the strength to walk away.
And very secretly, I am utterly dreading the floorball chalet. I'm terrified of having to interact and socialise and 'have fun'. But I have no idea how to reject it. I can't face having to pretend to be happy, having to play games, having to exchange ten dollar presents. Also the thought of receiving some crap. Broken photo frame anyone? Oh my goodness I'm swimming in muck. Please understand if I don't show up.
I'm sick of thinking! I'm sick of analyzing things, people, situations! Once upon a time, solving puzzles and thinking long and hard would have been a sort of excitement. Now I'm falling sick.
*sniffs*
i hate this day more than any other day in the year
It reminds me how you never got me anything for this day, but went around buying a book for her when I stupidly asked to see you. It's like rotten turkey caramelizing. How I only got to eat rotten meat while she enjoyed a generous feast. You told me some unfair crap that I never should have believed. Thank you, thank you very much for fucking me up. I'll never know why I only deserved rotten meat.
the broken photo frame, the melting chocolates, the rotten turkey?
I think the reason for bad luck is that I can't appreciate good luck when I have it. I feel bad, I feel guilty, I feel sorry for others' plight. No wonder selfish people have all the luck. It's because they feel right at home having it, that's why luck also feels better knocking on their doors. I was a sourpuss at training today, primarily cos I couldn't perform basic acts well. True enough the fluttering green bib really did hamper my hand movement and view of the ball. And it was extra irritating, because the velcro kept coming off cos it was tight. TIGHT. And I could also feel the heat, the resentment, the will to want to KILL me off to prove they weren't lousier, from the people who were made to defend throughout. Instead of appreciating my good luck, I felt really awkward and guilty about it. Instead of standing up to the challenge, I lost all focus and fight. Argh. Bad outbursts controlled, but more appreciation and focus is in order.
It was mahjong that led me to this point. I just CAN'T feel all happy and pleased when I keep winning, like almost everyone else I know can do. I'll feel the need to stop winning even when I can. I get affected by people's black faces, I don't want the game to be so lopsided etc. And then when bad luck strikes BIG time, and I lose, lose and lose... lots and lots of money. Who's there to take pity on you and do the same for you? NO ONE. It's irrevocable proof that in all situations, I should just grab my good luck by the balls and enjoy myself with it. Don't care too much about other people, cos they don't care the same way for you.
Got the luck, got the skill.
You deserve it.
Go get it.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Xh just reminded me that holidays proper has really started for us. Somehow, I can never truly feel happy about it. Cos there's only two and a half weeks left. What can you do in two and a half weeks? I gotta get started with driving again. And there's the stupid christmas season to deal with. Sigh. What's there to look forward to? Nothing. I screwed up my subject registration and have so much fuck to worry about. Don't know how I am supposed to enter the working world soon, being so messed up and blur and inefficient.
Laughter's the best medicine, but it only cures the symptoms and not the root of the problem. It's merely a mask for underlying issues swimming around in your subconscious. Things I'm nervous about, scared of, stressed over, I laugh and laugh to cover it up. I like laughing. But I'm a little freaked out just as you are.
I went off @
1:35 PM
Laughter's the best medicine, but it only cures the symptoms and not the root of the problem. It's merely a mask for underlying issues swimming around in your subconscious. Things I'm nervous about, scared of, stressed over, I laugh and laugh to cover it up. I like laughing. But I'm a little freaked out just as you are.
once again, hit by this thought...
i'm only nice to the extent whereby i feel sorry for myself...
I went off @
1:32 PM
i'm only nice to the extent whereby i feel sorry for myself...
=))))
scarlet bottle for carnal desires
obligatory ecstasy for completing data collection
994 completes baby!
it does taste bitter though
unexpected triggers
always, always
GET AWAY
don't invite
don't agree
don't act
morning, just another day
happy people pass my way
to skip the sunlit hours of the morning, wake up after noon...
new seasons call for new strategies
that special singer, special song
I went off @
10:13 AM
scarlet bottle for carnal desires
obligatory ecstasy for completing data collection
994 completes baby!
it does taste bitter though
unexpected triggers
always, always
GET AWAY
don't invite
don't agree
don't act
morning, just another day
happy people pass my way
to skip the sunlit hours of the morning, wake up after noon...
new seasons call for new strategies
that special singer, special song
Friday, December 18, 2009
First time in the week where I could actually bring myself to do something other than eat, shit, sleep, worry fyp. Yup but its going well so far :) Just a bit more to go and the precious data will be collected. Thereafter, I know that by then I would have revolved all my life's thoughts, actions and worries around it, that I would be helpless and not know how to enjoy myself when its done. I guess I'm just not used to doing work and stress and all that. And honestly besides the worry that things would screw up, its really been quite fun meeting new people, monitoring the surveying, having a target to work towards to every night.
I've a new religion. wwsd. In case this blog ever gets read by unintended eyes, I shall not elaborate. It basically helps me to guide my decision making with regards to professional and academic purposes. Speaking of religion, I am so not looking forward to christmas cos sigh I'll be forced to attend christmas mass. I hate it. I just hate stepping into churches. I don't know what to believe in anymore. My mum would probably think the devil's possessed me. That's why, and in the name of general harmony, I would not be kicking up a fuss, and just endure a few painful obligatory hours of that farcical celebration.
Would you believe it, its already the 19th of December. What was supposed to be a good time of holidaying and relaxing, has already slipped right out of my hands. Helplessly gave the first 7 days to darn exams, the next week preparing for fyp with no break in between at all, and the last 5 days in school. Haha oh well but I'd rather be in the lab than in church, its more meaningful, productive and enjoyable.
I don't remember and I don't care what's the biblical meaning of christmas, but since its such a big fuss, I shall join in the hooha of this season of giving and appreciating. Shouldn't we be doing this the whole year through? Thanks for reminding me christmas. Floorball chalet on the 27th, I've always been an enthu social animal and readily agree to go to such things. But as I put on my cynical glasses and squint at the finer details, I'm getting tired of all this. Freaking irritating that it has to be a guy and girl thing, I'm sick of interacting with guys. I'm sick of being around people that I actually find irritating. I'm sick of suspecting myself to be a crackpot old whiner. I wish I could just get myself away from such people and not have to deal with negative feelings about them anymore.
Have had to skip a bit of floorball in the name of fyp a couple of times, little sad at that, but really appreciative of the little time I had to train. Last training was really fun for me, rather happy with my position and linesmates :) At least there's still something I still think I love, floorball.
Really really confused and depressed about everything else.
I went off @
12:32 PM
I've a new religion. wwsd. In case this blog ever gets read by unintended eyes, I shall not elaborate. It basically helps me to guide my decision making with regards to professional and academic purposes. Speaking of religion, I am so not looking forward to christmas cos sigh I'll be forced to attend christmas mass. I hate it. I just hate stepping into churches. I don't know what to believe in anymore. My mum would probably think the devil's possessed me. That's why, and in the name of general harmony, I would not be kicking up a fuss, and just endure a few painful obligatory hours of that farcical celebration.
Would you believe it, its already the 19th of December. What was supposed to be a good time of holidaying and relaxing, has already slipped right out of my hands. Helplessly gave the first 7 days to darn exams, the next week preparing for fyp with no break in between at all, and the last 5 days in school. Haha oh well but I'd rather be in the lab than in church, its more meaningful, productive and enjoyable.
I don't remember and I don't care what's the biblical meaning of christmas, but since its such a big fuss, I shall join in the hooha of this season of giving and appreciating. Shouldn't we be doing this the whole year through? Thanks for reminding me christmas. Floorball chalet on the 27th, I've always been an enthu social animal and readily agree to go to such things. But as I put on my cynical glasses and squint at the finer details, I'm getting tired of all this. Freaking irritating that it has to be a guy and girl thing, I'm sick of interacting with guys. I'm sick of being around people that I actually find irritating. I'm sick of suspecting myself to be a crackpot old whiner. I wish I could just get myself away from such people and not have to deal with negative feelings about them anymore.
Have had to skip a bit of floorball in the name of fyp a couple of times, little sad at that, but really appreciative of the little time I had to train. Last training was really fun for me, rather happy with my position and linesmates :) At least there's still something I still think I love, floorball.
Really really confused and depressed about everything else.
Cos feelings lead to letdowns and letdowns lead to a wasted life. A stray puppy wandering the back alleys, looking for scraps, not knowing where its going, not knowing where to spend the night. It should never feel again. It may still make a living as a wanderdog or a gangstadog, but if it feels again, that's where it'd waste its new life, again.
can't get that outta my mind
temporary torment
a reminder never to fall down again
I went off @
12:23 PM
can't get that outta my mind
temporary torment
a reminder never to fall down again
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Only 2 hours and 45 minutes to cockcrow and I'm too nervous to get to sleep.
Thank goodness for the relaxing and pampered two days home. Slept all I wanted and had nice homecooked food :) Now feeling a little sad to have to be away from that big flat tv, nice scenery, homecooked food, and general sense of not needing to do schoolwork. The memory of being home is now a sweet ache in my heart, its like a luxurious chalet, albeit with a little scolding.. can't get away from that. It wouldn't be home without that. Parents are humans too and they have their shortcomings, but their good qualities easily overshadow those.
I woke up from my 15-hour sleep on Sunday morning in absolute pain. Every conceivable muscle in my body was stiff and aching. Back, stomach, legs, arms... that was why I didn't wake earlier, it was painful to move! And I figured I may as well sleep and let my muscles rest more. It was only when I woke to such extravagantly hurting muscles that I realised I forgot to stretch after training and fng on Saturday. haha. Physical condition is sooo soooo horrible now that I reallyyy was this close to vomiting a few times during training. And the shortness of breath so horrible that I was hit by dizzy spells. I know I didn't run back many times to go defend my man during games, my defenders must be super duper good to prevent any goals! I've got one month to turn this horrible fitness around. Running thrice a week please. Gosh. But I'm SO VERY HAPPY to be back on the floorball court! So happy that I caught myself smiling like an idiot while keeping balls -_- And I was so hungry for floorball that I went back to play fng right after lunch, at the risk of over-exertion. haha. Well thankfully nothing horrible happened, I'm still alive and kicking. And the full-body pain a sweet welcome back to floorball, exercise, physical exertion, whatever! Furthermore it shows that my whole body is getting a workout from floorball training! =D
Time to get to bed. Just get past Monday. This is the most crucial day, things will be a lot easier after that. Just one day!
I went off @
12:09 PM
Thank goodness for the relaxing and pampered two days home. Slept all I wanted and had nice homecooked food :) Now feeling a little sad to have to be away from that big flat tv, nice scenery, homecooked food, and general sense of not needing to do schoolwork. The memory of being home is now a sweet ache in my heart, its like a luxurious chalet, albeit with a little scolding.. can't get away from that. It wouldn't be home without that. Parents are humans too and they have their shortcomings, but their good qualities easily overshadow those.
I woke up from my 15-hour sleep on Sunday morning in absolute pain. Every conceivable muscle in my body was stiff and aching. Back, stomach, legs, arms... that was why I didn't wake earlier, it was painful to move! And I figured I may as well sleep and let my muscles rest more. It was only when I woke to such extravagantly hurting muscles that I realised I forgot to stretch after training and fng on Saturday. haha. Physical condition is sooo soooo horrible now that I reallyyy was this close to vomiting a few times during training. And the shortness of breath so horrible that I was hit by dizzy spells. I know I didn't run back many times to go defend my man during games, my defenders must be super duper good to prevent any goals! I've got one month to turn this horrible fitness around. Running thrice a week please. Gosh. But I'm SO VERY HAPPY to be back on the floorball court! So happy that I caught myself smiling like an idiot while keeping balls -_- And I was so hungry for floorball that I went back to play fng right after lunch, at the risk of over-exertion. haha. Well thankfully nothing horrible happened, I'm still alive and kicking. And the full-body pain a sweet welcome back to floorball, exercise, physical exertion, whatever! Furthermore it shows that my whole body is getting a workout from floorball training! =D
Time to get to bed. Just get past Monday. This is the most crucial day, things will be a lot easier after that. Just one day!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
It's yet another 5am morning, and my brains are churning...
Now my project is in the hands of the 7.50s, and I'm really worried...
Also have to send the comments on the translation to yr but I'm just sitting here worrying and not doing anything constructive...
Worrying about how I can survive tomorrow with what looks like a pathetic two-hour sleep before I have to wake up :(
There simply is not enough time to work and play, does a balance just mean a sacrifice of sleep?
The outing with the floorball girls today was a very good time, there wasn't anyone who would do stupid things to make me upset, like what happened at the start of December. They're people I feel totally comfortable with, have fun with, make jokes with, share secrets with, have awesome wavelengths with. I laughed till my head hurt :) And yes I still miss the old times, achingly so. Thank you cindy for treating the poor students to dinner, very much appreciated, your 'first paycheck treat'! Needless to say, the drinks were gooood. Haven't had beer, especially a quality one, in a very long time. Yeahhh :)
You're people I would sacrifice sleep for :)
Ok, time to send the comments now, now, now, now. That's not to say I haven't been doing work. I've been going my schedules over and over to avoid any error, which will all appear later when people change their minds again, oh well... That's human nature isn't it, we have to be prepared for it if we wanna work with people. I have to be less soft-hearted next time and just allocate sparsely, and looking ahead, probably gonna hafta call people last minute to fill in.
*fortifies skin*
I went off @
1:14 PM
Now my project is in the hands of the 7.50s, and I'm really worried...
Also have to send the comments on the translation to yr but I'm just sitting here worrying and not doing anything constructive...
Worrying about how I can survive tomorrow with what looks like a pathetic two-hour sleep before I have to wake up :(
There simply is not enough time to work and play, does a balance just mean a sacrifice of sleep?
The outing with the floorball girls today was a very good time, there wasn't anyone who would do stupid things to make me upset, like what happened at the start of December. They're people I feel totally comfortable with, have fun with, make jokes with, share secrets with, have awesome wavelengths with. I laughed till my head hurt :) And yes I still miss the old times, achingly so. Thank you cindy for treating the poor students to dinner, very much appreciated, your 'first paycheck treat'! Needless to say, the drinks were gooood. Haven't had beer, especially a quality one, in a very long time. Yeahhh :)
You're people I would sacrifice sleep for :)
Ok, time to send the comments now, now, now, now. That's not to say I haven't been doing work. I've been going my schedules over and over to avoid any error, which will all appear later when people change their minds again, oh well... That's human nature isn't it, we have to be prepared for it if we wanna work with people. I have to be less soft-hearted next time and just allocate sparsely, and looking ahead, probably gonna hafta call people last minute to fill in.
*fortifies skin*
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Hi, this is me, when I'm not writing about inanimate objects and abstract notions of ridiculous hurt and sadness. haha ok lame.
So Tuesday, the 8th of December, was a pretty good one. I lounged around on my (kindly loaned by xh) beanbag in the afternoon and decided whether individuals would earn their $7.50 per hour. Really pretty fun haha. Then around evening I plucked my ass out of my room and headed down to Orchard to celebrate my liberation from jail@ntu. Didn't intend to buy anything, just needed a good walk around, what better time to do it than when the streets are adorned with Christmas lightings! Bright lights and colors colors everywhere. I don't care how nice the lights look, haha, it just felt good to know that Christmas is coming! Didn't get many good pictures though cos I didn't feel brave enough to hang around and get the best angles and whatnot. But nevermind, a few pictures are enough to feed my photoshop-playing hunger. heh.
I was super duper blur today though. Firstly I realised I forgot to bring my camera only after climbing four storeys down, and I forgot to bring enough money out (which I didn't realise, consequences explained next). After spending a few bucks on dinner I realised with a jolt that I didn't have cash to top up my card, and as most of you should know my bank has no money. So the obvious choice would be to cab back to hall then come up to take money, that would waste me 20 bucks! Then, you wouldn't believe it, while I was worrying about what to do, I SAW CHAR! How big are the odds that we would be at Orchard at the same time, walking on the same street, at a time when I was desperate to borrow money? The odds are so LOH! hahaha! Thank you thank you thank you char, you angels are sprouting your wings this Christmas season!
Ok blurness followed me on my way back. I blindly got off at city hall instead of raffles place station and blindly waited for the train at the 'to pasir ris' platform and blindly got on the pasir ris bound train! I didn't realise this until Lavender. And when I finally got on the right train, I snatched seats with (I only suspected much later) an old man. haha. Well at least its an old man not an old lady. Sometimes, its a little hard to give your seat up to an old man who's not outright white hair old, cos I don't know if they would even want it and if they need it. Ok that alleviates the guilt a little :p
Oh and I saw today that our ivp lineups have been shaken up, not unlike macs shaker fries. Shake shake shake! I'm supposed to play forward again. haha. Expected and maybe even a little happy about it. Arh but gotta get used to it again, that's ok, new challenges will shake up trainings even more! I want to play floorball even more! I'll be closer to the goal now and hope I will score score score!
Haha I realised I keep saying things in threes today. Cos two's company and three's just perfect... me, myself and i :)
I went off @
1:47 PM
So Tuesday, the 8th of December, was a pretty good one. I lounged around on my (kindly loaned by xh) beanbag in the afternoon and decided whether individuals would earn their $7.50 per hour. Really pretty fun haha. Then around evening I plucked my ass out of my room and headed down to Orchard to celebrate my liberation from jail@ntu. Didn't intend to buy anything, just needed a good walk around, what better time to do it than when the streets are adorned with Christmas lightings! Bright lights and colors colors everywhere. I don't care how nice the lights look, haha, it just felt good to know that Christmas is coming! Didn't get many good pictures though cos I didn't feel brave enough to hang around and get the best angles and whatnot. But nevermind, a few pictures are enough to feed my photoshop-playing hunger. heh.
I was super duper blur today though. Firstly I realised I forgot to bring my camera only after climbing four storeys down, and I forgot to bring enough money out (which I didn't realise, consequences explained next). After spending a few bucks on dinner I realised with a jolt that I didn't have cash to top up my card, and as most of you should know my bank has no money. So the obvious choice would be to cab back to hall then come up to take money, that would waste me 20 bucks! Then, you wouldn't believe it, while I was worrying about what to do, I SAW CHAR! How big are the odds that we would be at Orchard at the same time, walking on the same street, at a time when I was desperate to borrow money? The odds are so LOH! hahaha! Thank you thank you thank you char, you angels are sprouting your wings this Christmas season!
Ok blurness followed me on my way back. I blindly got off at city hall instead of raffles place station and blindly waited for the train at the 'to pasir ris' platform and blindly got on the pasir ris bound train! I didn't realise this until Lavender. And when I finally got on the right train, I snatched seats with (I only suspected much later) an old man. haha. Well at least its an old man not an old lady. Sometimes, its a little hard to give your seat up to an old man who's not outright white hair old, cos I don't know if they would even want it and if they need it. Ok that alleviates the guilt a little :p
Oh and I saw today that our ivp lineups have been shaken up, not unlike macs shaker fries. Shake shake shake! I'm supposed to play forward again. haha. Expected and maybe even a little happy about it. Arh but gotta get used to it again, that's ok, new challenges will shake up trainings even more! I want to play floorball even more! I'll be closer to the goal now and hope I will score score score!
Haha I realised I keep saying things in threes today. Cos two's company and three's just perfect... me, myself and i :)
those pinkwashed walls are so sweet.
though i never get off at that station anymore.
i miss the hungry years, the once upon a time
the lovely long ago, we didn't have a dime
those days of me and you, we lost along the way
those shady mornings and those globe-trayed breakfasts.
i had the future in the past.
I went off @
1:35 PM
though i never get off at that station anymore.
i miss the hungry years, the once upon a time
the lovely long ago, we didn't have a dime
those days of me and you, we lost along the way
those shady mornings and those globe-trayed breakfasts.
i had the future in the past.
You know, it would be easier if you were a figment of the past, a voiceless silhouette, a common pedestrian. It would be so much easier. Hairline cracks everytime it happens. But they are mendable I know, the stitches strengthening, complexifying, personalizing my good old heart. And it loves you as much as the other.
I went off @
1:28 PM
cuz its christmas!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Yes exams are over but I so want to run away from my other responsibilities again. Is there any plausible reason why? Why the thought of doing work turns me off so much? :((( The thought of work scares me and angers me, I'm so afraid I'll not do it well. Playing the saddest songs and singing along. Cheers to an imaginary someone and no one at all. Watched a movie just now and felt good to let the tears flow. I am devastating sad again for no good reason. Simply not tired enough to sleep despite drinking enough to last the whole week. :((( whatstheretobesadabouttttttttttt
I was sooo very happy when I heard 'stop writing' at 11am this morning. I was so happy that it was the end of exams that I couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy during lunch, I was so happy with my nap, I was so happy during dinner, I was so happy during new moon. And now... trying to keep sane yet thrilling attracted with just losing myself and indulging in all the pain I want to. Cos I deserve to.
I don't expect anyone to ever understand my feelings, cos I don't either. I love myself and hate myself, for being the person that I am.
little by little
they all add up
dampen me, shrink me, rob me
but they don't know
I went off @
1:05 PM
I was sooo very happy when I heard 'stop writing' at 11am this morning. I was so happy that it was the end of exams that I couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy during lunch, I was so happy with my nap, I was so happy during dinner, I was so happy during new moon. And now... trying to keep sane yet thrilling attracted with just losing myself and indulging in all the pain I want to. Cos I deserve to.
I don't expect anyone to ever understand my feelings, cos I don't either. I love myself and hate myself, for being the person that I am.
little by little
they all add up
dampen me, shrink me, rob me
but they don't know
romance and all its strategy
leaves me battling with my pride
but through the insecurity
some tenderness survives
I went off @
12:52 PM
leaves me battling with my pride
but through the insecurity
some tenderness survives
Sunday, December 6, 2009
freeflow freeflow.
i hope this freeflow never ends.
each time, i do, i do.
doesn't matter how doesn't matter why.
i just do.
and it's something i'll take care of.
very fondly.
very carefully.
I went off @
3:33 PM
i hope this freeflow never ends.
each time, i do, i do.
doesn't matter how doesn't matter why.
i just do.
and it's something i'll take care of.
very fondly.
very carefully.
four freaking hours to fffffreedom!
I went off @
3:09 PM
working hard to expand my heart
pumping blood, pumping blood
i can feel these walls
am i too excited
or just too tired
I went off @
12:57 PM
pumping blood, pumping blood
i can feel these walls
am i too excited
or just too tired
Need help with translating the following sentences:
1. Please clean your shit and pee off the toilet seat when you stain it
2. Please do not stick your pad to the bathroom wall
3. Please do not cut your nose/eyebrow/armpit/upperlip hair into the toilet sink
Honestly, there are only less than 10 people using the toilet now. But it's getting dirtier than ever. Level 6 toilet seat is stained with shit and level 5's is stained with pee. What's next.
I went off @
12:12 PM
1. Please clean your shit and pee off the toilet seat when you stain it
2. Please do not stick your pad to the bathroom wall
3. Please do not cut your nose/eyebrow/armpit/upperlip hair into the toilet sink
Honestly, there are only less than 10 people using the toilet now. But it's getting dirtier than ever. Level 6 toilet seat is stained with shit and level 5's is stained with pee. What's next.
i'm nice and sane only to the extent whereby i feel sorry for myself
I went off @
11:46 AM
time can never mend, the careless whispers of a good friend
to the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find
I went off @
11:08 AM
to the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find
Last six hours of studying
Last nine hours of living in exams
After that, more fyp meetings and admin to look forward to. Meeting on tuesday and gotta call all my chosen surveyors by wednesday latest I think. Hazy now haha. Sick thinking of it too. BUT any improvement is still improvement, and at least I'll have time to do what I want then!
Celebratory lunch, celebratory dinner, twilight, alcorgy, orchard, feiyong dinner... ok that's the plan till wednesday!
Can't believe freedom is only a single digit away... Cmon!
I went off @
9:37 AM
Last nine hours of living in exams
After that, more fyp meetings and admin to look forward to. Meeting on tuesday and gotta call all my chosen surveyors by wednesday latest I think. Hazy now haha. Sick thinking of it too. BUT any improvement is still improvement, and at least I'll have time to do what I want then!
Celebratory lunch, celebratory dinner, twilight, alcorgy, orchard, feiyong dinner... ok that's the plan till wednesday!
Can't believe freedom is only a single digit away... Cmon!
if you get caught between the moon and new york city
the best that you can do
the best that you can do is fall in love
I went off @
8:05 AM
the best that you can do
the best that you can do is fall in love
exams in high contrast
Saturday, December 5, 2009
just set a new record, at
eight o'clock in the morning
I went off @
4:01 PM
eight o'clock in the morning
My brain feels like a prune now :(
Too dry to explode, but the many things running around in it squeezed and squashed against each other, leaving no space for each of them to breathe, no escape route. Ouch! It's the sort of day where I'm too troubled to study, and too uninspired to write. I can only let others do the talking for me. Hmm but I still could come up with many scenarios and scripts for sitcoms, comics and a certain kind of documentary. lol. Maybe that is my talent, and maybe the character I have in mind is just too awesome and outstanding to not lead my imagination wild :p It never fails to amaze me how rich you are. hehe. And since I can't write much today, shall let others feed my blog addiction for me, in this case, 曹格...
爱是无辜的风筝拉着最在乎的人
情已逝我还在注定一个人流浪
I went off @
3:43 PM
Too dry to explode, but the many things running around in it squeezed and squashed against each other, leaving no space for each of them to breathe, no escape route. Ouch! It's the sort of day where I'm too troubled to study, and too uninspired to write. I can only let others do the talking for me. Hmm but I still could come up with many scenarios and scripts for sitcoms, comics and a certain kind of documentary. lol. Maybe that is my talent, and maybe the character I have in mind is just too awesome and outstanding to not lead my imagination wild :p It never fails to amaze me how rich you are. hehe. And since I can't write much today, shall let others feed my blog addiction for me, in this case, 曹格...
爱是无辜的风筝拉着最在乎的人
情已逝我还在注定一个人流浪
Stumbled upon this music library quiz that went around on fb months back, the one where you're supposed to shuffle your music and type the song name to the random questions. Here goes!
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
you and i
-nocomment
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
lyla
-like i don't understand that word, i don't understand my personality
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
shou ji liu yan (handphone messages?)
- nc
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
i wanna grow old with you
- nice, but perhaps i place too much emphasis on this
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
californication
- haha nice
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
ji de wo ai ni (remember i love you)
- yeahhh remember that!
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
over my head
- i think so much my head can't take it
WHAT IS 2+2?
don't get around much anymore
- don't do math very much anymore
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
hate that i love you
- that should be for the next q?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
world of our own
- haha, ok i don't hate.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
girl
- forever a girl..
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
love of my life
- again, too much emphasis on love
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
ai dao zui hou yi miao ye bu wei qu (love till the last second with no grievances)
- nice
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
scared
- haha ya i'm pretty scared at the thought of wedding and marriage
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
can't buy me love
- uh huh
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
a thousand days
- yeah i've known floorball for about a thousand days :)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
you lost this loving feeling
- nc
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
parla piu piano
- nc
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
two less lonely people
- haha weird
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
hello again
- sure does
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
bubbly
- haha nice coincidence
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
save the last dance for me
- nc
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
here you come again
- maybe i can die more than once, would be fun
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
the rose
- woah sounds good haha
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
lonely
- haha possibly
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
god must hate me
- HAHAHAHA favorite coincidence
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
more than that
- nc
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
daughters
- would i rather be a son? nah...
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
zui zhen de meng (truest dream)
- haha sure hope my job will be a dream job
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
cai hong (rainbow)
- how apt
I went off @
2:55 PM
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
you and i
-nocomment
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
lyla
-like i don't understand that word, i don't understand my personality
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
shou ji liu yan (handphone messages?)
- nc
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
i wanna grow old with you
- nice, but perhaps i place too much emphasis on this
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
californication
- haha nice
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
ji de wo ai ni (remember i love you)
- yeahhh remember that!
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
over my head
- i think so much my head can't take it
WHAT IS 2+2?
don't get around much anymore
- don't do math very much anymore
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
hate that i love you
- that should be for the next q?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
world of our own
- haha, ok i don't hate.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
girl
- forever a girl..
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
love of my life
- again, too much emphasis on love
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
ai dao zui hou yi miao ye bu wei qu (love till the last second with no grievances)
- nice
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
scared
- haha ya i'm pretty scared at the thought of wedding and marriage
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
can't buy me love
- uh huh
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
a thousand days
- yeah i've known floorball for about a thousand days :)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
you lost this loving feeling
- nc
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
parla piu piano
- nc
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
two less lonely people
- haha weird
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
hello again
- sure does
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
bubbly
- haha nice coincidence
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
save the last dance for me
- nc
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
here you come again
- maybe i can die more than once, would be fun
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
the rose
- woah sounds good haha
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
lonely
- haha possibly
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
god must hate me
- HAHAHAHA favorite coincidence
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
more than that
- nc
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
daughters
- would i rather be a son? nah...
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
zui zhen de meng (truest dream)
- haha sure hope my job will be a dream job
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
cai hong (rainbow)
- how apt
We have little in common. We haven't talked in the longest time and crossed paths only briefly. But it was truly a kink in our roads that I'll forever be thankful for.
Reading your blog, I'm heartened and amazed that you expressed how I feel inside but didn't know how to put it. Knowing that someone else also went through the same thing, and felt the same way, gives me strength.
You were in my junior class in jc and we were playing the angel mortal game. It was amazing how we could write pages to each other, how we could tell each other so much so soon, and how we understood each other. It was even more crazy to find that we were from the same secondary school. Four years there and we never saw each other before. Then again, I never met nice people there so perhaps that's my fate =p Even though you had to leave vj after the first 3 months, I knew I had found a lifelong friend. I was your angel and you my mortal then, but for the strength you give me... you are my angel, friend. One that I conveniently forgot while I was angrily lambasting at this world.
I'm so happy for you that your fairytale had a happy ending. I'll be stronger like you.
I went off @
10:33 AM
Reading your blog, I'm heartened and amazed that you expressed how I feel inside but didn't know how to put it. Knowing that someone else also went through the same thing, and felt the same way, gives me strength.
You were in my junior class in jc and we were playing the angel mortal game. It was amazing how we could write pages to each other, how we could tell each other so much so soon, and how we understood each other. It was even more crazy to find that we were from the same secondary school. Four years there and we never saw each other before. Then again, I never met nice people there so perhaps that's my fate =p Even though you had to leave vj after the first 3 months, I knew I had found a lifelong friend. I was your angel and you my mortal then, but for the strength you give me... you are my angel, friend. One that I conveniently forgot while I was angrily lambasting at this world.
I'm so happy for you that your fairytale had a happy ending. I'll be stronger like you.
can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line
I went off @
10:24 AM
or has time rewritten every line
Friday, December 4, 2009
I saw that pallid prisoner leave my room. At the moment where I was shutting the door, all that engulfed my thoughts was... I'm headed for the gallows oh man. My pale skin and aching muscles a given by-product of my incarceration. And I vowed to change it, no matter what.
That must have been my worst prepared uni paper ever. I used to like to rush through the night in secondary school, for some reason. Well yes I felt that long-lost adrenaline rush, but this time I really slacked too much and too long, and didn't bother to allocate time to do the readings properly. And despite the time left I was way too tired and sunken to look through again, and skimmed the underlined words in one chapter two minutes. haha. The paper was fine though, not good of course, but I managed to force out words on pages. To be fair, at least I do have some basic knowledge of what I'm writing. And even drew a very self-satisfied model for the prof to illustrate the interrelationship between image, identity and reputation of a company. But obviously there were stuff that I missed studying and some questions that you needed to be awake at lesson and religiously taking down notes to answer. So yes, I'm still rather worried I'll fail overall cos I REGRETFULLY, FOOLISHLY, RIDICULOUSLY didn't answer about 12 marks worth of case submission online. Don't ask me why I was so irresponsible, I seriously don't know.
I'm just glad the paper's over, and hope for at least a D.
I went off @
1:26 AM
That must have been my worst prepared uni paper ever. I used to like to rush through the night in secondary school, for some reason. Well yes I felt that long-lost adrenaline rush, but this time I really slacked too much and too long, and didn't bother to allocate time to do the readings properly. And despite the time left I was way too tired and sunken to look through again, and skimmed the underlined words in one chapter two minutes. haha. The paper was fine though, not good of course, but I managed to force out words on pages. To be fair, at least I do have some basic knowledge of what I'm writing. And even drew a very self-satisfied model for the prof to illustrate the interrelationship between image, identity and reputation of a company. But obviously there were stuff that I missed studying and some questions that you needed to be awake at lesson and religiously taking down notes to answer. So yes, I'm still rather worried I'll fail overall cos I REGRETFULLY, FOOLISHLY, RIDICULOUSLY didn't answer about 12 marks worth of case submission online. Don't ask me why I was so irresponsible, I seriously don't know.
I'm just glad the paper's over, and hope for at least a D.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
having breakfast reminded me of you...
I went off @
6:03 PM
Good morning, blue sky and watercolour clouds. It's been some time since I last greeted you. Though I only peer at you from the depths of my prison cell, you paint a picture of the life I can have when I'm finally released.
Studying for my second last paper which will take place in seven hours time, and aching to play floorball so much. Been away from the court for so long that I'm losing sense of how it feels like to play a game. And worry is growing over whether I'll be able to do what I'm supposed to do, since I'm not sure of it in the first place. Worry is fine, it tells me I'm concerned, and how important this is to me. And well as I always tell others, things will fall into place when the time comes. The floorballer in me will know what to do, I'm sure of that. She'll do what she can and learn even more along the way.
I guess choosing jersey numbers and seeing all those emails from my teammates stirred that floorballer in me. I was starting to get detached from floorball but the emails from each and every one of you connected me back, vein by vein :) Now, I'm really looking forward to training with everyone again.
# 7.
I went off @
3:28 PM
Studying for my second last paper which will take place in seven hours time, and aching to play floorball so much. Been away from the court for so long that I'm losing sense of how it feels like to play a game. And worry is growing over whether I'll be able to do what I'm supposed to do, since I'm not sure of it in the first place. Worry is fine, it tells me I'm concerned, and how important this is to me. And well as I always tell others, things will fall into place when the time comes. The floorballer in me will know what to do, I'm sure of that. She'll do what she can and learn even more along the way.
I guess choosing jersey numbers and seeing all those emails from my teammates stirred that floorballer in me. I was starting to get detached from floorball but the emails from each and every one of you connected me back, vein by vein :) Now, I'm really looking forward to training with everyone again.
# 7.
From my purple rock, I gaze at the reflections in the November snow. The ornate snowflakes taking the place of the drifting leaves as October bowed and November stepped in. The snow was true to its word, it fell hard and thick; I was chilled when the first few flakes tapped me on my shoulder. I wasn't wearing my winter jacket, I wasn't prepared. But since, I've learned how to knit these warm fluffy sweaters. And I've taken to the streets wrapped up in them, admiring the twisted beauty of this newfound landscape. Though the lake may be frozen, life still swims beneath it, though the trees may be bald and shriveled, at least they have those white caps to wear while they wait for spring. Though I still shiver in the cold, you have a knack, for making me smile. Maybe it's because I didn't expect it. Maybe your whiteness implored my teeth to show themselves. Contented with enjoying this winter goodness, wrapped up and warm, instead of rushing out to embrace a snowman butt-naked in the cold. This winter feels different somehow. You're kinder. I'm surer. And very soon, holiday bells and smells are gonna sweep through this land. This place will be more beautiful than ever.
I went off @
1:06 PM
thank you for making me smile.
the sort of smile that doesn't need to be camera ready.
the sort of smile that no one needs to see.
the sort of smile that everyone should smile (:
I went off @
9:54 AM
the sort of smile that doesn't need to be camera ready.
the sort of smile that no one needs to see.
the sort of smile that everyone should smile (:
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A short study update: 3 pages on tuesday, possibly about 30 pages on wednesday. Currently very pleased with herself for studying from the back. First few chapters can be skimmed past. So there's actually not much more to go. Just one more day and I'll be 3 papers down and 1 to go :)
I went off @
3:32 PM
FUCKBEANS.
BANANA FRITTERS.
I went off @
3:22 PM
BANANA FRITTERS.
Scarlet letters. Scarlet time of the month. All I can think about is that bottle of scarlet raspberry, along with its brothers peach, citron and mango. Gonna have an alcorgy on the seventh, that's all I know. Scarlet days and scarlet nights. If the remedy for dejection is anger, I welcome you, scarlet woman. Sometimes, don't you wish you were her, as much as you detest her. I've never been brave or stupid enough to let that blood bloom clean. Maybe that's why, maybe that's why. Faraway eyes and smiles despite myself. Despite it all. What was it all that I ever felt. Scarlet volcanoes. Alcorgasm.
I went off @
3:02 PM
waits at the window
wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
who is it for?
all the lonely people
where do they all come from?
all the lonely people
where do they all belong?
I went off @
6:27 AM
wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
who is it for?
all the lonely people
where do they all come from?
all the lonely people
where do they all belong?
i'll kick your cbf to the other end of the universe
such that when im star gazing and dreaming
i won't even see it anymore :)
I went off @
4:35 AM
such that when im star gazing and dreaming
i won't even see it anymore :)
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
cock is crowing and yours truly has studied a total of three pages. fuckit. fuckbeans. fuckthisplace i gotta get out. when you're going crazy, where else to head to but the bed. good morning, world, have a nice day. the world is not as bad a place as i've described. go out and seek your fortunes, seek your blossoms, seek your morsels. you can do it, you can afford to. be glad you're not unlucky, and not crazy. those people, well, they've gotta learn to live with it and excel in spite of it.
I went off @
2:34 PM
metaphorically, i just cursed my first of december.
looks like I do have some magical powers after all.
I went off @
2:18 PM
looks like I do have some magical powers after all.
is angry with the world tonight..
dejected, cynical, impoverished soul...
who knows its all a callous cycle of worthlessness...
who needs an angel to show the way again...
somehow I know...
that angel can only be found...
within myself...
no one is gonna help you...
no one is gonna pick you up...
no one is gonna take you to places...
and make you smile...
that fairytale angel...
merely work of a conjurer's spell...
the burden is on me...
to stir up a potion...
and brew my own directions...
maybe that's why i lost faith in religion...
cos i can't feel no guardian angels...
welcome to the real world...
no angel's gonna help you...
if you can't help yourself...
then sorry dude you're doomed...
doomed...
doomed...
doomed...
oh but don't pick yourself up too high...
cos the world is gonna let you down again...
it's not as sweet and rosy as luckier people have described...
there's only that one in a million...
meanwhile nine nine nine nine nine nines...
I went off @
1:56 PM
dejected, cynical, impoverished soul...
who knows its all a callous cycle of worthlessness...
who needs an angel to show the way again...
somehow I know...
that angel can only be found...
within myself...
no one is gonna help you...
no one is gonna pick you up...
no one is gonna take you to places...
and make you smile...
that fairytale angel...
merely work of a conjurer's spell...
the burden is on me...
to stir up a potion...
and brew my own directions...
maybe that's why i lost faith in religion...
cos i can't feel no guardian angels...
welcome to the real world...
no angel's gonna help you...
if you can't help yourself...
then sorry dude you're doomed...
doomed...
doomed...
doomed...
oh but don't pick yourself up too high...
cos the world is gonna let you down again...
it's not as sweet and rosy as luckier people have described...
there's only that one in a million...
meanwhile nine nine nine nine nine nines...
i feel like i did on the third of july.
no wonder back then, i called it a december in july.
I went off @
1:51 PM
no wonder back then, i called it a december in july.
On a related but separate issue, I'm pretty convinced that I'm a forgiving and forgetful person. I tend not to think of the bad things, unless some other issue leads me there. It's a form of repression. But it's unhealthy, cos it leads you into trusting the wrong people and situations, (again).
needs constant reminders. not for grudges nor pity nor revenge. but for protection.
I went off @
1:07 PM
needs constant reminders. not for grudges nor pity nor revenge. but for protection.
When lots of time has passed, you actually forget your reasons for doing things, for avoiding things. You need another wake-up call to teach you a lesson. A wake-up call that rings suddenly when you're peacefully sleeping in your carefully prepared cot to escape from the hurt. A call that you innocently pick up and say 'hello' with your tangled hair and half-opened eyes and morning breath. You regret picking up that phone and throw it down, disgusted with this world again. You blame yourself for forgetting.
But that's how I am, keen on remembering the useless things in life. Stuff that no one cares about. And forgetting what's important to keeping me sane. That's how it is.
I'm sorry I forgot, that that's the reason why. I thought that it was just mere coincidence. But oh no, now I remember, how I used to feel, how I used to write. I merely forgot.
Got that call now? Wake up, wake up, and prepare your cot again.
I don't care how many colourful toys I need, how many childhood bolsters, how many beary blankets. I want them. I need them. And that's how it's gonna be.
fuckbeans.
I went off @
12:54 PM
But that's how I am, keen on remembering the useless things in life. Stuff that no one cares about. And forgetting what's important to keeping me sane. That's how it is.
I'm sorry I forgot, that that's the reason why. I thought that it was just mere coincidence. But oh no, now I remember, how I used to feel, how I used to write. I merely forgot.
Got that call now? Wake up, wake up, and prepare your cot again.
I don't care how many colourful toys I need, how many childhood bolsters, how many beary blankets. I want them. I need them. And that's how it's gonna be.
fuckbeans.
Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.
— Kurt Tucholsky
I went off @
12:31 PM
— Kurt Tucholsky
Good morning December...
A bright and sunny first of December... hmm..
I wish for you to have bright and sunny days, and windy, rainy, cold nights...
Wouldn't that be nice?
I went off @
12:52 AM
A bright and sunny first of December... hmm..
I wish for you to have bright and sunny days, and windy, rainy, cold nights...
Wouldn't that be nice?