Fucking angry and sad now.

Went to SK swimming complex for the first time yesterday, tried the water slide once and it shocked and saddened me that it scared me so much. Cos I used to love these when I was a kid. Does age somehow lower your tolerance for such things? Ok I just googled it and found out that sliding lying down is alot faster than sitting up. I wanna go back and try sliding sitting down, but the thought of it is so scary... They say you're supposed to face up to your fears. But isn't it stupid forcing yourself to try something that scared you so much? Ok I should stop thinking about this now lest I get nightmares again... different manners of which have been plaguing me almost if not every night :( And I can remember a few of them... full-blown war with ships and planes bombing the land, witnessing a weird violent fight of monsters/spirits on some bed, and just last night, some man trying to kill me with a knife in my room...

After speaking about it I have rationalised that I shouldn't be reading new books just before I go to bed.. they fill my brain with too many thoughts and ideas.. good old harry potter is fine...

and i promise you kid, i'll give so much more than i get

Some characters disgust me. Their mouths made of moulting moths. Their eyes cold enough to freeze the Saharan sun. And their hearts, full of nothing but the blackest poison.

The best thing anyone has ever said about this is to love your enemies as much as you love your friends.

Forgive and let live.

Another day of learning to live under authoritarian and unreasonable rule. Prepares you for the real world huh.

Went for a slow jog today but had a headache halfway possibly due to my perpetually inflamed sinuses. Still, exercise is good.

And seeing as to how unhealthy I am, it's 12am and I shall try to go to bed now.

my life has been such a whirlwind since i saw you
i've been running around in circles in my mind
cos you take me to the places that alone i'd never find

- i can't fight this feeling anymore

the sky can be damn beautiful sometimes, if we bother to look (at the right time). in perspective, life is pretty darn good, seriously.

I've been feeling ugly, moody, and at times wishing I could be in the US of A right now. The yearning isn't that bad, thank goodness. It's just that when the issue suddenly beeps on your handphone you start to think about it. It was my groupmate asking me if I could send her my portion of the fyp speech, and my heart ached at how she had to go present alone. Sigh. I guess sometimes it seems that money can buy happiness. It can buy you a way out of misery, a route to adventure, an opportunity for enjoyment, but true happiness can only be felt in the heart, perhaps? I think the brain is too complicated to be happy.

I wonder why after such a long hiatus, I have the sudden urge to blog at 5am in the morning when my head is terribly heavy and my body is hot. And my mind is stubbornly ignoring the consequences of awful sleeping hours.

The 3am sleeping times and lack of cardio for the last few weeks due to injury and sickness have made me a very irritable person. I swear its true. Just one run yesterday and I could feel the happy hormones gushing throughout my body. More of that and earlier sleeping times please. If not for any intrinsic reason then the very fact that league is starting in hopefully a month and I'm still a injury-prone panting chest-clutching wimp on the floorball court. Already miss playing after a one-week break, and hopefully the next training I will be even more humble and focus even more than before.

I've had a short fuse many a time this last week and it's clear the imbalanced hormones are the root of it. More exercise. Better sleeping habits. Necessary.

Life is a neverending cycle of picking oneself up from failures and appreciating the good instead of whining about the bad.

It's a duty to yourself and your maker.