Tuesday, June 30, 2009
people always hanker after what they cannot have
I went off @
11:01 AM
seemingly innocuous conversations can make me sad
i'm getting scared of myself
I went off @
10:55 AM
i'm getting scared of myself
sad.
I went off @
10:54 AM
Monday, June 29, 2009
A leech, a good for nothing, a chlidish, spoilt, selfish, lazy, hypocritical, arrogant brat. I am so glad I didn't turn out as bad as you though we share the same parents. I know your circumstances were a little different and it's not all your fault. But you're just another reason my life at home is a living hell.
Many sins I've committed, I learned them from you. Shouting at parents in the past, being selfish, being lazy, being violent... the list goes on. I've felt like a younger sister, maybe only a few times in my entire life. I look on with envy at people with loving relationships with their siblings.
It's a void in my life I've always been longing to fill.
Though this whole sister stormie thing sounds like a joke out of that crazy girl's mouth, it has become quite a nice one, haha :)
All the more, I must wash myself clean of the slime and dirt this house has tainted me with. Become my own person, a better person. Do not inflict the same kind of hurt on others.
I went off @
6:27 AM
Many sins I've committed, I learned them from you. Shouting at parents in the past, being selfish, being lazy, being violent... the list goes on. I've felt like a younger sister, maybe only a few times in my entire life. I look on with envy at people with loving relationships with their siblings.
It's a void in my life I've always been longing to fill.
Though this whole sister stormie thing sounds like a joke out of that crazy girl's mouth, it has become quite a nice one, haha :)
All the more, I must wash myself clean of the slime and dirt this house has tainted me with. Become my own person, a better person. Do not inflict the same kind of hurt on others.
am not
a nice person
and never will be
I went off @
5:08 AM
a nice person
and never will be
I hate it at home.
But the day I go back to hall would be the day my holiday ends, sigh.
No more excuses, I really need to find somewhere to go after 5pm, on some days at least.
It's not just one person's nagging... it's the whole thing...
The dog, is a huge source of conflict at home. The person who brought the dog home doesn't do his duty of cleaning up and feeding properly, inciting naggings about it every single night. This absolutely selfish, lazy bastard of a human being.
A friend told me last night about someone who shifted out of her house after she started working cos she couldn't take it anymore. Would I really have to resort to such drastic measures? Right now I don't have friends who'll want to live out, and the thought of renting a single bedroom is just a little sad and dangerous. But it may be the best I can have if this torment continues. I am tempted with the idea of just upending myself and migrating to another country. But I'll be leaving so much behind and the thought of it is just sickening.
Every, single, day you get scolded.
Every, single, day you get scared.
Every, single, day you get hurt.
Every, single, day you get angry.
I went off @
3:53 AM
But the day I go back to hall would be the day my holiday ends, sigh.
No more excuses, I really need to find somewhere to go after 5pm, on some days at least.
It's not just one person's nagging... it's the whole thing...
The dog, is a huge source of conflict at home. The person who brought the dog home doesn't do his duty of cleaning up and feeding properly, inciting naggings about it every single night. This absolutely selfish, lazy bastard of a human being.
A friend told me last night about someone who shifted out of her house after she started working cos she couldn't take it anymore. Would I really have to resort to such drastic measures? Right now I don't have friends who'll want to live out, and the thought of renting a single bedroom is just a little sad and dangerous. But it may be the best I can have if this torment continues. I am tempted with the idea of just upending myself and migrating to another country. But I'll be leaving so much behind and the thought of it is just sickening.
Every, single, day you get scolded.
Every, single, day you get scared.
Every, single, day you get hurt.
Every, single, day you get angry.
the past surpasses the present
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It's three in the morning and I don't wanna sleep.
It's a hot day and thank goodness for air conditioning.
It's a good thing that I saw some guys for what they truly are today.
To elaborate, sister rachel and me were watching the guys play 6v6 after PvP ended today. And a certain side refused to sub out even though the guy outside blatantly showed he wanted to play. The two people who heard him just said some rubbish like they weren't tired or just shrugged him off. I am flabbergasted, felt so bad for the guy outside and ashamed of their behavior on their behalf. Even shouted at said person to change but he just laughed and went on his way. There is no excuse for them and nothing I didn't see, the guy outside waited until he didn't want to and left first. As a group, they did not have the decency to check if others wanted to play, and as individuals, the two concerned had the guts to just dismiss the guy outside. They've got a lot to catch up on from their predecessors, both skills and attitude. Same goes for the girls side as well.
On a brighter note, I'm very happy with the way the t-shirts turned out :) The cutting and material is good and should get better with a few washes. It's just a good feeling to see something you designed on so many people :) Something I designed in office during my internship, heh. I knew I did something productive in those six months :p
PvP this year for me was marred by my injured ankle, the shame of running so slowly and losing out so many times is... not very nice. It even hurt in the middle of the night while I was not moving at all, a little worried about it. How long will it take to recover? Should I again leave my shoes at home on wednesday so I wouldn't be tempted to train? I know I shouldn't have played today but oh well I'm too ill-disciplined. I'm the kind of person who'll always eat that forbidden fruit if it's within my reach, so should really leave those shoes at home.
Luckily it's not my right ankle that's sprained, or else I can't even go for driving lessons this week :)
I love floorball and can't get enough of it...
Dear Ankle please recover by saturday...
I went off @
11:57 AM
It's a hot day and thank goodness for air conditioning.
It's a good thing that I saw some guys for what they truly are today.
To elaborate, sister rachel and me were watching the guys play 6v6 after PvP ended today. And a certain side refused to sub out even though the guy outside blatantly showed he wanted to play. The two people who heard him just said some rubbish like they weren't tired or just shrugged him off. I am flabbergasted, felt so bad for the guy outside and ashamed of their behavior on their behalf. Even shouted at said person to change but he just laughed and went on his way. There is no excuse for them and nothing I didn't see, the guy outside waited until he didn't want to and left first. As a group, they did not have the decency to check if others wanted to play, and as individuals, the two concerned had the guts to just dismiss the guy outside. They've got a lot to catch up on from their predecessors, both skills and attitude. Same goes for the girls side as well.
On a brighter note, I'm very happy with the way the t-shirts turned out :) The cutting and material is good and should get better with a few washes. It's just a good feeling to see something you designed on so many people :) Something I designed in office during my internship, heh. I knew I did something productive in those six months :p
PvP this year for me was marred by my injured ankle, the shame of running so slowly and losing out so many times is... not very nice. It even hurt in the middle of the night while I was not moving at all, a little worried about it. How long will it take to recover? Should I again leave my shoes at home on wednesday so I wouldn't be tempted to train? I know I shouldn't have played today but oh well I'm too ill-disciplined. I'm the kind of person who'll always eat that forbidden fruit if it's within my reach, so should really leave those shoes at home.
Luckily it's not my right ankle that's sprained, or else I can't even go for driving lessons this week :)
I love floorball and can't get enough of it...
Dear Ankle please recover by saturday...
Don't ask me to choose one, I love them both.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Dear teammates,
I'm sorry for the outburst just now. I know sorry doesn't mean much, and bad sportsmanship has no excuse. Just wanna thank you girls for being so caring and supportive towards me. Things like bad temper, undoubtedly has been many years in the making and is hard to change. But with such nice and positive teammates, it's a great help. I'll definitely aim to be as sporting n mature as u girls. THANKS.
This is the email I sent to my tempest teammates for the utterly ugly behavior at the match just now. Sadly, I simply couldn't control my horrible temper. Felt outraged at firstly, spraining an ankle due to rough play, referee not penalising her, not blowing for timeout though it really hurt to get up, and then blowing for timeout when another time, their player stayed on the ground.
But of course, no reason is good enough reason to throw one's temper. That's something that I really need to learn from the seniors, their professionalism. Skills wise we all gotta admit that some of them are past their peak, and on a whole the team's skills can be sorely lacking. I visibly cringed at a lot of movements and mistakes and mis-passes when I was out. Can't help but think I could have made a difference if I didn't get injured. After all, my line conceded that goal when I was out. I forcibly re-entered the game in the third period, didn't do too well. Couldn't control passes quick enough and not calm enough... Took a second to receive a superb pass, and BAM the goalie saved my shot, if I made direct shot and that would be a goal =( Took a second to make a pass to sue in a good position and BAM not nice position anymore, player on her. HAUNTING ME. Two good chances to change the game and WASTED. High on self-blame right now. But well, trust me, I don't think we really would deserve a win, face it, we didn't play that well and our skills are XXXXX.
Blame ---> Lessons
1. Don't throw temper, you never have the right to
2. Take direct shot
3. Make nicer passes
4. More aggressive in making the ball mine
Still, my teammates have my utmost respect for their fighting spirit and good attitude. Mentally weak some of us are, but they never once threw their temper, stick or water bottles, unlike me. I am really ashamed of myself. I can't promise I will change, cos I don't know HOW. When you saw your father throw furniture around when you were young, resort to violence to solve problems... as a young kid, it would somehow get ingrained, that you can follow suit, that it works. Or the fiery temper could be in my genes, the short fuse and outrageous behavior programmed into my DNA. Nature or nurture, it's my responsibility to get over this stupidity. Why ever the reason, it is in my hands to change my life. Throwing one's temper hurts those around me and it's not fair to people.
If they can do it, so can I. Role models all around.. :)
Their kindness and concern have really touched me to the core, gave me an extra reason to improve myself. Geri coming over to help me find the tape, kept asking me if I'm alright, it was so sincere that in that instant I totally saw her for who she really was, all at once. Normally she just has that cold and unapproachable look, and can sound fierce in general. But in an instant that whole demeanour just melted away, and there you just have a teammate who's genuinely concerned.. and xiushan who insisted on helping me pack up my things while I struggled to take off the very-tight ankle guard. She could have just gone on, but she touched all my smelly stuff and helped me carry my things.. Few others also asked me if I was okay, making me all the more embarrassed and ashamed.
Let's turn ashamed into inspired and work towards becoming a better person.
Thanks to sister stormies for coming down to support too. Haha I would have to say that if you guys came earlier, I wouldn't have dared to throw my temper cos I wouldn't want to lose face in front of the juniors. lol. oh well. And my and wy, ultimate thanks for messaging me this morning. I'm even on your mind at odd hours haha.. And just so you all won't nag at me for coming storm training.. I stayed over at hall the night before so just thought of coming to warm up before going for game! I swear I didn't tire myself out.
Can really see who are the sisters hahaha.. so alex was right all along, according to her nonexistent theories.. yiping and eunice are ultimate sisters! LOL.. and of course I know who else are the sisters la. You all are much appreciated :)
The league is almost over. Although we haven't been winning games, I am really satisfied with the season. We had the potential, just couldn't perform. Frankly, results are really not all that important. Cos sometimes, luck just ain't on your side. I am happy with the nice gameplays we had, shots on target, valiant efforts, camarederie... What's important to me is that we gave our best to the games, enjoyed ourselves, and for myself, got to know the seniors better in the process. Please don't retire this year!!! Not like they are gonna read this, or I hope they won't, cos they'll just retch at the mush I put here.. or think that I have crushes on all of them. For the record, I DON'T ;)
I went off @
7:35 AM
I'm sorry for the outburst just now. I know sorry doesn't mean much, and bad sportsmanship has no excuse. Just wanna thank you girls for being so caring and supportive towards me. Things like bad temper, undoubtedly has been many years in the making and is hard to change. But with such nice and positive teammates, it's a great help. I'll definitely aim to be as sporting n mature as u girls. THANKS.
This is the email I sent to my tempest teammates for the utterly ugly behavior at the match just now. Sadly, I simply couldn't control my horrible temper. Felt outraged at firstly, spraining an ankle due to rough play, referee not penalising her, not blowing for timeout though it really hurt to get up, and then blowing for timeout when another time, their player stayed on the ground.
But of course, no reason is good enough reason to throw one's temper. That's something that I really need to learn from the seniors, their professionalism. Skills wise we all gotta admit that some of them are past their peak, and on a whole the team's skills can be sorely lacking. I visibly cringed at a lot of movements and mistakes and mis-passes when I was out. Can't help but think I could have made a difference if I didn't get injured. After all, my line conceded that goal when I was out. I forcibly re-entered the game in the third period, didn't do too well. Couldn't control passes quick enough and not calm enough... Took a second to receive a superb pass, and BAM the goalie saved my shot, if I made direct shot and that would be a goal =( Took a second to make a pass to sue in a good position and BAM not nice position anymore, player on her. HAUNTING ME. Two good chances to change the game and WASTED. High on self-blame right now. But well, trust me, I don't think we really would deserve a win, face it, we didn't play that well and our skills are XXXXX.
Blame ---> Lessons
1. Don't throw temper, you never have the right to
2. Take direct shot
3. Make nicer passes
4. More aggressive in making the ball mine
Still, my teammates have my utmost respect for their fighting spirit and good attitude. Mentally weak some of us are, but they never once threw their temper, stick or water bottles, unlike me. I am really ashamed of myself. I can't promise I will change, cos I don't know HOW. When you saw your father throw furniture around when you were young, resort to violence to solve problems... as a young kid, it would somehow get ingrained, that you can follow suit, that it works. Or the fiery temper could be in my genes, the short fuse and outrageous behavior programmed into my DNA. Nature or nurture, it's my responsibility to get over this stupidity. Why ever the reason, it is in my hands to change my life. Throwing one's temper hurts those around me and it's not fair to people.
If they can do it, so can I. Role models all around.. :)
Their kindness and concern have really touched me to the core, gave me an extra reason to improve myself. Geri coming over to help me find the tape, kept asking me if I'm alright, it was so sincere that in that instant I totally saw her for who she really was, all at once. Normally she just has that cold and unapproachable look, and can sound fierce in general. But in an instant that whole demeanour just melted away, and there you just have a teammate who's genuinely concerned.. and xiushan who insisted on helping me pack up my things while I struggled to take off the very-tight ankle guard. She could have just gone on, but she touched all my smelly stuff and helped me carry my things.. Few others also asked me if I was okay, making me all the more embarrassed and ashamed.
Let's turn ashamed into inspired and work towards becoming a better person.
Thanks to sister stormies for coming down to support too. Haha I would have to say that if you guys came earlier, I wouldn't have dared to throw my temper cos I wouldn't want to lose face in front of the juniors. lol. oh well. And my and wy, ultimate thanks for messaging me this morning. I'm even on your mind at odd hours haha.. And just so you all won't nag at me for coming storm training.. I stayed over at hall the night before so just thought of coming to warm up before going for game! I swear I didn't tire myself out.
Can really see who are the sisters hahaha.. so alex was right all along, according to her nonexistent theories.. yiping and eunice are ultimate sisters! LOL.. and of course I know who else are the sisters la. You all are much appreciated :)
The league is almost over. Although we haven't been winning games, I am really satisfied with the season. We had the potential, just couldn't perform. Frankly, results are really not all that important. Cos sometimes, luck just ain't on your side. I am happy with the nice gameplays we had, shots on target, valiant efforts, camarederie... What's important to me is that we gave our best to the games, enjoyed ourselves, and for myself, got to know the seniors better in the process. Please don't retire this year!!! Not like they are gonna read this, or I hope they won't, cos they'll just retch at the mush I put here.. or think that I have crushes on all of them. For the record, I DON'T ;)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
First driving lesson today!
Was pretty nervous of course, but when I put my foot to the pedal, it wasn't exactly the first time I did it. I had a realistic dream about driving on tuesday night and driving today was... not so much stepping into an unknown world, it was rediscovering a place I left long ago :)
Don't know what affinity I have with driving, but it felt good to be in the driving seat, again.
I went with private lessons and the thought of driving on the open road right away brought a certain level of apprehension of course. But the uncle had his hand on the wheel when I was making turns and bends, so my main worry of under/over turning wasn't a problem. I'm definitely quite blur and stoned, looking at the mirrors kinda messes up my mind haha.. and once I forgot to turn when the green arrow came up. Lucky my driving uncle is patient and nice :) Everything was spoonfed to me nicely and I really enjoyed it :)
He speaks chinese though! Urgh and sometimes I appear to be really stupid when he asks me some questions and I can't answer cos I don't know the chinese words for it. I told him at the end of the lesson that my chinese is really bad (in an attempt to salvage my intelligence), and he said that his students' chinese surely improve after the lessons, haha.
He comes with tons of analogies to describe stuff like obedience, teachability and foresight. The thing to remember when learning from him is he doesn't want students to ask ahead, just listen to what he says now, and follow, step by step. For this, he told me a story about this teacher calling in to the radio station and asked 'which of these 4 students do teachers like to teach the most?'
smart and creative
smart and uncreative
not smart and creative
not smart and not creative
The teacher said he likes to teach smart and uncreative students, presumably because they can understand easily yet are easier to handle? (no cheem questions that you can't answer) If I were a teacher, I beg to differ, would still prefer the smart and creative student... But in this case his intention was to tell me to be smart in understanding instructions, but not to be smart-alecky and ask ahead. Which I did abit at first, thus the need for all these long-winded stories haha.
For the purpose of driving, I shall be an obedient and step-by-step person, cos according to him, that's the best way to learn it :)
And good thing it was a bright sunny day today! I wouldn't have fancied driving in the rain. The sun shone on and on all afternoon, it was too good not to go for a swim. I did 30 laps! Broken into 4 times... still find swimming on and on a little boring, so I needed to stop after every 7-8 laps to look at all the eye candy around me.. lol. The sky was so blue today, I stared at it till I saw stars. Sky so blue, and clouds so white, absolutely beautiful..
Oh well but I must have eaten more than any exercise can burn off today though, let's not go into details. I think I have a psychological eating disorder, even borrowed a book from the library that could help. We'll see.
A happy day :)
Plans or possibilities for next week... cycling at pasir ris park, blading at east coast park, swimming, driving lesson, trip to library, go to bukit timah nature reserve/labrador park...
I went off @
7:34 AM
Was pretty nervous of course, but when I put my foot to the pedal, it wasn't exactly the first time I did it. I had a realistic dream about driving on tuesday night and driving today was... not so much stepping into an unknown world, it was rediscovering a place I left long ago :)
Don't know what affinity I have with driving, but it felt good to be in the driving seat, again.
I went with private lessons and the thought of driving on the open road right away brought a certain level of apprehension of course. But the uncle had his hand on the wheel when I was making turns and bends, so my main worry of under/over turning wasn't a problem. I'm definitely quite blur and stoned, looking at the mirrors kinda messes up my mind haha.. and once I forgot to turn when the green arrow came up. Lucky my driving uncle is patient and nice :) Everything was spoonfed to me nicely and I really enjoyed it :)
He speaks chinese though! Urgh and sometimes I appear to be really stupid when he asks me some questions and I can't answer cos I don't know the chinese words for it. I told him at the end of the lesson that my chinese is really bad (in an attempt to salvage my intelligence), and he said that his students' chinese surely improve after the lessons, haha.
He comes with tons of analogies to describe stuff like obedience, teachability and foresight. The thing to remember when learning from him is he doesn't want students to ask ahead, just listen to what he says now, and follow, step by step. For this, he told me a story about this teacher calling in to the radio station and asked 'which of these 4 students do teachers like to teach the most?'
smart and creative
smart and uncreative
not smart and creative
not smart and not creative
The teacher said he likes to teach smart and uncreative students, presumably because they can understand easily yet are easier to handle? (no cheem questions that you can't answer) If I were a teacher, I beg to differ, would still prefer the smart and creative student... But in this case his intention was to tell me to be smart in understanding instructions, but not to be smart-alecky and ask ahead. Which I did abit at first, thus the need for all these long-winded stories haha.
For the purpose of driving, I shall be an obedient and step-by-step person, cos according to him, that's the best way to learn it :)
And good thing it was a bright sunny day today! I wouldn't have fancied driving in the rain. The sun shone on and on all afternoon, it was too good not to go for a swim. I did 30 laps! Broken into 4 times... still find swimming on and on a little boring, so I needed to stop after every 7-8 laps to look at all the eye candy around me.. lol. The sky was so blue today, I stared at it till I saw stars. Sky so blue, and clouds so white, absolutely beautiful..
Oh well but I must have eaten more than any exercise can burn off today though, let's not go into details. I think I have a psychological eating disorder, even borrowed a book from the library that could help. We'll see.
A happy day :)
Plans or possibilities for next week... cycling at pasir ris park, blading at east coast park, swimming, driving lesson, trip to library, go to bukit timah nature reserve/labrador park...
weird wednesday, no, weird life
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I love rainy days, except when I wanna go swimming!
Woke up to cloudy skies and pattering rain this afternoon, no more swimming :( but nice weather :) Lazed around on the sofa watching TV and eating cookies, thinking of what to do with my day. Was watching pay it forward on HBO and rather enjoyed it, but sad as it sounds, it ends at 5 and I wanted to leave the house before 5 so I could escape the scoldings. So I decided to go to tampines mall to catch the movie ghosts of girlfriends past before training.
It was quite funny and entertaining while it lasted :) I cried at the touching, sad or happy scenes, as usual, and again did not have tissue with me. So embarrassing to wipe with hands! Cos it's so ineffective and I had to keep cleaning to wipe the tears up. And I was sitting next to this housewifey, chinese-educated kinda mother who kept saying 'siao ah' at the quirky scenes. Now I wonder what she must have thought of me, still a little embarrassed about it :p The good thing about watching a movie alone is that I need not go through the hassle of asking people, meeting people, and sharing popcorn, haha. Yes I had popcorn for lunch and it's very bad to do that, the sweet and salty aftertaste still lingering in my mouth as I went for training. The very dry, thirsty feeling that makes you want to drink water. Cookies for breakfast and popcorn for lunch :p
Well the popcorn wasn't the only thing lingering around me as I headed for training. The movie brought some relationship thoughts to my mind and I became a little disorientated for the rest of the day. And maybe I ran out of blood or something, felt a little dizzy ever since I came out of the movie and into the toilet, as if I was mildly hungover! Weird I know... that time of the month I guess.
And I took number 10 to go to valhall, and boy did it bring back many memories. First little memory was passing this area called sea breeze avenue or something around simei, and this guy whom I had a mild crush on in secondary school, and I wondered what in the world he is doing now. Next up came the bedok simpang area, near my secondary school, then this temple around tanah merah which has this guan yin statue holding a bottle at the crotch area which seriously looks like she's holding a dick and peeing. I told someone this before, and she/he told me that guan yin is androgynous... Very soon came bedok camp, a place which needs no introduction ;) I'll remember what went on around that area forever... Now the bus started on the long straight road that is east coast road... Several uneventful minutes went by, then I reached the siglap area. Remember going to the macs at siglap centre for breakfast ages ago, the conversation, the blushes... remember spilling a packet of cheese cubes on the road outside siglap centre, haha. Then came the telok kurau area, which I used to frequent when I was friends with my secondary school friend, the apartment I used to cut through... I no longer do that anymore. What next but the katong food district, ampang niang tou fu, the only time I ever went there, and was told the differences between guys who use tissue paper, handkerchiefs, and those who just used their hands. Sin Hoi Sai, and also the only time I had ever been there... was it that day that I had a black eye and was told that using a hardboiled egg would help? I was on a doubledecker bus, a similar night in 2005, saying goodbye, wondering if it would be the last time I would see you again. The paranoia of youth, is laughable, admirable... the bus turned right at last, into tanjong katong road, where I enjoyed softball trainings at tkgs in my JC days. Tkgs, a school I almost went to, that or cedar, but my parents stopped me after I had a second choice after I got 250. They were afraid I would become a lesbian if I went to a girls school and no tkgs especially cos it was the school of one of my uncle's ex girlfriends, who is supposed to be really bad. I spent a lot of time thinking of how I would have turned out if I did go... cos my secondary school days were the worst years of my life. But over time, I have surmised that I wouldn't be the way that I am now if I didn't go through everything I went through. And even with flaws and all, I like me, cos its me. Going to my secondary school showed me how bad people can be and to be careful of them. How maybe people aren't bad, but things just happen for no reason. It has left lasting scars on me, physical even, my weak stomach perhaps a reminder of skipping recess everyday cos I had no one to eat with and was too cowardly to eat alone. The important thing is that one should remember the scars not for revenge nor for pity, but to acknowledge that they are what shaped you, that they are still a part of you now. Back to my bus journey, I passed guilemard camp, bringing forth more army years memories, and yesss I neared my destination now. All this with mambo music blasting in my ears, trying to ignore a group of noisy teenagers, and dreaming of summer rain...
Well with so much running through my head and dizziness brought about by god knows what, I sucked at training today, period. No excuses, no reprieve.
To round up the junky diet today, had macs for supper, but kudos for not eating a full meal! *pats* Karen got a happy meal, and I burst out laughing seeing her holding the tray with the 'M-shaped' cardboard thingy walking around blurly and walking back to the table, lol. And the toy was this dildo-shaped monsters vs alien thing that sent their imaginations to wild places. Haha for once I'm not the initiator, I could sit there and pretend I'm innocent and even got grace asking me if I'm twentyone yet! And the rest of the the convo elasped into this sex toy talk.. hmm they didn't say much that I don't already know hahah.. Got a ride back to tampines from the very nice ser and andrea, thanks :)
Lazing, movie, floorball on a cool rainy wednesday.. life is good :) What emo? It's just part of a happy me.
I went off @
10:02 AM
Woke up to cloudy skies and pattering rain this afternoon, no more swimming :( but nice weather :) Lazed around on the sofa watching TV and eating cookies, thinking of what to do with my day. Was watching pay it forward on HBO and rather enjoyed it, but sad as it sounds, it ends at 5 and I wanted to leave the house before 5 so I could escape the scoldings. So I decided to go to tampines mall to catch the movie ghosts of girlfriends past before training.
It was quite funny and entertaining while it lasted :) I cried at the touching, sad or happy scenes, as usual, and again did not have tissue with me. So embarrassing to wipe with hands! Cos it's so ineffective and I had to keep cleaning to wipe the tears up. And I was sitting next to this housewifey, chinese-educated kinda mother who kept saying 'siao ah' at the quirky scenes. Now I wonder what she must have thought of me, still a little embarrassed about it :p The good thing about watching a movie alone is that I need not go through the hassle of asking people, meeting people, and sharing popcorn, haha. Yes I had popcorn for lunch and it's very bad to do that, the sweet and salty aftertaste still lingering in my mouth as I went for training. The very dry, thirsty feeling that makes you want to drink water. Cookies for breakfast and popcorn for lunch :p
Well the popcorn wasn't the only thing lingering around me as I headed for training. The movie brought some relationship thoughts to my mind and I became a little disorientated for the rest of the day. And maybe I ran out of blood or something, felt a little dizzy ever since I came out of the movie and into the toilet, as if I was mildly hungover! Weird I know... that time of the month I guess.
And I took number 10 to go to valhall, and boy did it bring back many memories. First little memory was passing this area called sea breeze avenue or something around simei, and this guy whom I had a mild crush on in secondary school, and I wondered what in the world he is doing now. Next up came the bedok simpang area, near my secondary school, then this temple around tanah merah which has this guan yin statue holding a bottle at the crotch area which seriously looks like she's holding a dick and peeing. I told someone this before, and she/he told me that guan yin is androgynous... Very soon came bedok camp, a place which needs no introduction ;) I'll remember what went on around that area forever... Now the bus started on the long straight road that is east coast road... Several uneventful minutes went by, then I reached the siglap area. Remember going to the macs at siglap centre for breakfast ages ago, the conversation, the blushes... remember spilling a packet of cheese cubes on the road outside siglap centre, haha. Then came the telok kurau area, which I used to frequent when I was friends with my secondary school friend, the apartment I used to cut through... I no longer do that anymore. What next but the katong food district, ampang niang tou fu, the only time I ever went there, and was told the differences between guys who use tissue paper, handkerchiefs, and those who just used their hands. Sin Hoi Sai, and also the only time I had ever been there... was it that day that I had a black eye and was told that using a hardboiled egg would help? I was on a doubledecker bus, a similar night in 2005, saying goodbye, wondering if it would be the last time I would see you again. The paranoia of youth, is laughable, admirable... the bus turned right at last, into tanjong katong road, where I enjoyed softball trainings at tkgs in my JC days. Tkgs, a school I almost went to, that or cedar, but my parents stopped me after I had a second choice after I got 250. They were afraid I would become a lesbian if I went to a girls school and no tkgs especially cos it was the school of one of my uncle's ex girlfriends, who is supposed to be really bad. I spent a lot of time thinking of how I would have turned out if I did go... cos my secondary school days were the worst years of my life. But over time, I have surmised that I wouldn't be the way that I am now if I didn't go through everything I went through. And even with flaws and all, I like me, cos its me. Going to my secondary school showed me how bad people can be and to be careful of them. How maybe people aren't bad, but things just happen for no reason. It has left lasting scars on me, physical even, my weak stomach perhaps a reminder of skipping recess everyday cos I had no one to eat with and was too cowardly to eat alone. The important thing is that one should remember the scars not for revenge nor for pity, but to acknowledge that they are what shaped you, that they are still a part of you now. Back to my bus journey, I passed guilemard camp, bringing forth more army years memories, and yesss I neared my destination now. All this with mambo music blasting in my ears, trying to ignore a group of noisy teenagers, and dreaming of summer rain...
Well with so much running through my head and dizziness brought about by god knows what, I sucked at training today, period. No excuses, no reprieve.
To round up the junky diet today, had macs for supper, but kudos for not eating a full meal! *pats* Karen got a happy meal, and I burst out laughing seeing her holding the tray with the 'M-shaped' cardboard thingy walking around blurly and walking back to the table, lol. And the toy was this dildo-shaped monsters vs alien thing that sent their imaginations to wild places. Haha for once I'm not the initiator, I could sit there and pretend I'm innocent and even got grace asking me if I'm twentyone yet! And the rest of the the convo elasped into this sex toy talk.. hmm they didn't say much that I don't already know hahah.. Got a ride back to tampines from the very nice ser and andrea, thanks :)
Lazing, movie, floorball on a cool rainy wednesday.. life is good :) What emo? It's just part of a happy me.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
It's the second weekday of freedom and the happiness has finally started to sink in :)
Had a friendly game with ITE Tampines this morning. Fun :) My leg hurts again so I decided to play last man. Not very used to it, but glad for the chance to play defender for fun :) But yes, for now I am totally more comfortable with forward. Played one shift of forward and got the ball everytime it was passed down the boards, got passes from my playmaker fj. Happy about that :) Sometimes I think I have better chemistry with storm than tempest, ssshh lol. The stormies played rather well today and a few of them got their name on the scoresheet, happy for them :) That took up my morning.
Rub-it-in 1: if I was working, I would have been zombie-ing around the desk, drinking lousy tea, waiting for websites to load from 9 to 11, and spending the next 2 hours dreaming about lunch. Instead, I got to play my favorite game in the world :)
We went to ramen ten after the friendly. Haha I wonder whose idea is it, someone in storm seems to love it very much. Just had it the last time with them after their sp friendly! Well it is an understatement to say I overate there :p Shared ramen with three others and somehow, khai just kept on and on ordering sushi! hahaha.. I dunno what sort of mood I was in, or the spicy ramen made me hungry, but I said okok order I'll share! I had no idea she ordered thaaaaat much! And after walking out we still seriously contemplated eating ice-cream. Us: 'eh just now very full, now walk walk a bit like can eat ah'.. hahah.. lucky the rest were getting ready to walk to the bus stop already, successfully thwarting our gorging plans. We must really watch our diet next time sister! I had too much to eat at home too cos my mum bought quite a lot of stuff. CONTROL! Just exercising will not be enough if I really wanna get fit and fighting!
Rub-it-in 2: At 1 plus we finished lunch. If I were in office at this time, I would have only toiled past half the day.
Rub-it-in 3: Had an afternoon nap from 2 to 5pm. Blissful nap probably induced by the enormous amounts of food. Wouldn't have been able to have a nice sleep if I were at work.
Happiness of holidays.
I need to really actively remind myself of this, cos believe it or not, it was really hard for me to leave last friday! I did expect to feel emotional and all that, but I didn't know I would feel that sad such that I couldn't really enjoy the friday or the weekend!
Holidays, holidays :) Swimming tomorrow!
Feet on the pedals, hands on the wheel for real this time, on thursday...
Elation!
I went off @
9:29 AM
Had a friendly game with ITE Tampines this morning. Fun :) My leg hurts again so I decided to play last man. Not very used to it, but glad for the chance to play defender for fun :) But yes, for now I am totally more comfortable with forward. Played one shift of forward and got the ball everytime it was passed down the boards, got passes from my playmaker fj. Happy about that :) Sometimes I think I have better chemistry with storm than tempest, ssshh lol. The stormies played rather well today and a few of them got their name on the scoresheet, happy for them :) That took up my morning.
Rub-it-in 1: if I was working, I would have been zombie-ing around the desk, drinking lousy tea, waiting for websites to load from 9 to 11, and spending the next 2 hours dreaming about lunch. Instead, I got to play my favorite game in the world :)
We went to ramen ten after the friendly. Haha I wonder whose idea is it, someone in storm seems to love it very much. Just had it the last time with them after their sp friendly! Well it is an understatement to say I overate there :p Shared ramen with three others and somehow, khai just kept on and on ordering sushi! hahaha.. I dunno what sort of mood I was in, or the spicy ramen made me hungry, but I said okok order I'll share! I had no idea she ordered thaaaaat much! And after walking out we still seriously contemplated eating ice-cream. Us: 'eh just now very full, now walk walk a bit like can eat ah'.. hahah.. lucky the rest were getting ready to walk to the bus stop already, successfully thwarting our gorging plans. We must really watch our diet next time sister! I had too much to eat at home too cos my mum bought quite a lot of stuff. CONTROL! Just exercising will not be enough if I really wanna get fit and fighting!
Rub-it-in 2: At 1 plus we finished lunch. If I were in office at this time, I would have only toiled past half the day.
Rub-it-in 3: Had an afternoon nap from 2 to 5pm. Blissful nap probably induced by the enormous amounts of food. Wouldn't have been able to have a nice sleep if I were at work.
Happiness of holidays.
I need to really actively remind myself of this, cos believe it or not, it was really hard for me to leave last friday! I did expect to feel emotional and all that, but I didn't know I would feel that sad such that I couldn't really enjoy the friday or the weekend!
Holidays, holidays :) Swimming tomorrow!
Feet on the pedals, hands on the wheel for real this time, on thursday...
Elation!
Monday, June 22, 2009
when i was little
did i guess i would come to this?
did they guess?
their happy little girl
how pained they must feel?
if they knew the truth
It's tiring to keep wearing the masks and keep the act going strong. Sometimes when people expect me to smile and laugh, I toil to work my face into one. It is painful, and hard, and I'm very tired... But i have to keep acting. I can't stop. What I really feel, I can't let it show. It's not right, not nice, not normal. But I can't help myself from feeling the way I do.
this life
did that little girl ever guess she would grow up into this
...sometimes, I don't mind being forever twentyone...
...i've got 100 days left to be forever twentyone...
oh no get those horrid thoughts out of your system, you can't ever let that happen, you can't hurt them.
...whole life ahead...
...they gave you life...
...cherish it...
...life will pick up again...
I went off @
8:15 AM
did i guess i would come to this?
did they guess?
their happy little girl
how pained they must feel?
if they knew the truth
It's tiring to keep wearing the masks and keep the act going strong. Sometimes when people expect me to smile and laugh, I toil to work my face into one. It is painful, and hard, and I'm very tired... But i have to keep acting. I can't stop. What I really feel, I can't let it show. It's not right, not nice, not normal. But I can't help myself from feeling the way I do.
this life
did that little girl ever guess she would grow up into this
...sometimes, I don't mind being forever twentyone...
...i've got 100 days left to be forever twentyone...
oh no get those horrid thoughts out of your system, you can't ever let that happen, you can't hurt them.
...whole life ahead...
...they gave you life...
...cherish it...
...life will pick up again...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
也许我会忘记
也许会更想你
也许已没有也许。。。
I went off @
12:39 PM
也许会更想你
也许已没有也许。。。
emo has become the way of life
unsweetened coffee the choice drink
if i could help it
i would
but i can't
I went off @
12:30 PM
unsweetened coffee the choice drink
if i could help it
i would
but i can't
I am fucking sad.
I went off @
12:30 PM
doll with the disfigured face
sitting in the shop
I went off @
12:22 PM
sitting in the shop
Saturday, June 20, 2009
some guys have all the luck
some guys have all the pain
some guys get all the breaks
some guys do nothing but complain
I went off @
11:15 AM
some guys have all the pain
some guys get all the breaks
some guys do nothing but complain
early celebrations
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
somewhere in my heart i'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain...
mambo was a blast last night man! haha so i don't have a teenagehood and i've never been there extensively. It was funfunfun, prefer it over r&b for now :)
Haha ok and must remind myself to never buy drinks from zouk anymore. I don't know what drain water they put in there but it's not alcohol. Close to ten shots, four cocktails from O bar, messed up with some beer, and not high in the club, only became abit seh after coming out, but still aware of everything and walking straight. What's the point in that right lol.
Cabbed back to nart's place together and her dog and cat came to greet us at the door. How freaking cute is that? White cat and black poodle. I am really amazed that they actually can live together! More about them later. By the time I bathed, it was 6 a.m. in the morning and I still needed to go to work. Already very paranoid that I wouldn't be able to wake up from a one-hour sleep. Then I went into her room and saw her cat sitting dignifiedly at her foot and dog snuggled up beside her. Dem cute again la! But no thanks to the bed already la I don't wanna smell of fur lol.
So I decided to leave for work early, beat the crowd at the same time. Somehow I misheard her signals to the correct bus stop and ended up at one with only number 43 that comes only near 7 am. So I wandered vaguely towards this building that looks like buangkok station. Instinct proved right haha. But my feet were super pain. Wore americaya heels at the club (that feiyong said doesn't hurt) but well my feet became like numb throughout the night. Super pain and walk walk walk. And I found out my office doors doesn't allow temp staff passes into the building before 8! Tried one, two, three, four, five entrances and to no avail. Luckily this nice security guard let me in all the way to my desk, where I desperately caught an on-off one hour nap.
Feel pretty ok after tea and the morning has passed long ago, omg it's already 2pm! Yep but updates about work... They are throwing whatever saikang at me with a vengeance these last few days. Photocopying, calling newsrooms, calling vendors, all of a sudden. Just ONE more day to go phew! And I'm glad my second last day is passing in this halfdead state.
Ok I'm pretty much spouting rubbish in incoherent sentences. Goodness knows what I've said on msn since this morning. But cheers to msn and the friends who make my PI life so much better :)
ONE MORE DAY TO FREEDOM
I went off @
10:18 PM
dancing with you in the summer rain...
mambo was a blast last night man! haha so i don't have a teenagehood and i've never been there extensively. It was funfunfun, prefer it over r&b for now :)
Haha ok and must remind myself to never buy drinks from zouk anymore. I don't know what drain water they put in there but it's not alcohol. Close to ten shots, four cocktails from O bar, messed up with some beer, and not high in the club, only became abit seh after coming out, but still aware of everything and walking straight. What's the point in that right lol.
Cabbed back to nart's place together and her dog and cat came to greet us at the door. How freaking cute is that? White cat and black poodle. I am really amazed that they actually can live together! More about them later. By the time I bathed, it was 6 a.m. in the morning and I still needed to go to work. Already very paranoid that I wouldn't be able to wake up from a one-hour sleep. Then I went into her room and saw her cat sitting dignifiedly at her foot and dog snuggled up beside her. Dem cute again la! But no thanks to the bed already la I don't wanna smell of fur lol.
So I decided to leave for work early, beat the crowd at the same time. Somehow I misheard her signals to the correct bus stop and ended up at one with only number 43 that comes only near 7 am. So I wandered vaguely towards this building that looks like buangkok station. Instinct proved right haha. But my feet were super pain. Wore americaya heels at the club (that feiyong said doesn't hurt) but well my feet became like numb throughout the night. Super pain and walk walk walk. And I found out my office doors doesn't allow temp staff passes into the building before 8! Tried one, two, three, four, five entrances and to no avail. Luckily this nice security guard let me in all the way to my desk, where I desperately caught an on-off one hour nap.
Feel pretty ok after tea and the morning has passed long ago, omg it's already 2pm! Yep but updates about work... They are throwing whatever saikang at me with a vengeance these last few days. Photocopying, calling newsrooms, calling vendors, all of a sudden. Just ONE more day to go phew! And I'm glad my second last day is passing in this halfdead state.
Ok I'm pretty much spouting rubbish in incoherent sentences. Goodness knows what I've said on msn since this morning. But cheers to msn and the friends who make my PI life so much better :)
ONE MORE DAY TO FREEDOM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
It's nearing that time of the month again. I become a different person, different creature. The thought of many things piss me off. Things disgust me more than ever.
Talked to a friend last night, someone who's like me, who can't get over the past, who's bored and sad, who's impatient.
Sigh. When will this ever end.
Am I a bad person?
Or ugly, or boring, or stupid.
I really don't think so =(
I've been lucky to talk to someone positive and encouraging recently, who agreed with my observations. Yet we could laugh it off and know there's hope in mankind. A friend who said I was nice and deserve a nice guy. It's just these little words but they sure go a long way. Thank you.
I'll be ok.
I went off @
10:26 AM
Talked to a friend last night, someone who's like me, who can't get over the past, who's bored and sad, who's impatient.
Sigh. When will this ever end.
Am I a bad person?
Or ugly, or boring, or stupid.
I really don't think so =(
I've been lucky to talk to someone positive and encouraging recently, who agreed with my observations. Yet we could laugh it off and know there's hope in mankind. A friend who said I was nice and deserve a nice guy. It's just these little words but they sure go a long way. Thank you.
I'll be ok.
Yesterday's storm game showed me another reason why I left. I couldn't take criticism without the praise. I couldn't take one side of the story cos it makes it sound like I did nothing good. This means that I have no confidence in my own skills.
They told me that I didn't follow my man tight enough when I lost the ball. They said I didn't fight hard enough for 50-50 balls. They said I didn't use my body.
I feel so lost and helpless cos I thought I fought fucking hard for the balls yesterday. And it's still not good enough. Body and following of opponent yes I admit I didn't do it well enough.
That's why eddie is so amazing. He tells me I'm not aggressive enough but he makes it a point to tell me the good I've done when I come out of a shift.
Unlike...
They ask me to learn from sj, to play with heart.
WHAT THE FUCK SO I DON'T PLAY WITH HEART? I love floorball it's my life and I DON'T PLAY WITH HEART?
They really should go learn how to be a coach. Use the right words. Stop bruising people.
I have a mental block against fighting for all the 50-50 balls cos I don't have the HEART to watch my teammates cover that player for me if the player wins me. And get real, she'll win it at least sometimes. Even if I expend all my oxygen and muscles to chase back, what if she's faster and ends up scoring in the process? Would I still have done the right thing? This is not hypothetical I've seen it happen to some people.
That's my mental block yeah, but I'll have to get over it since Eddie says so. It's a risk we have to take. Fight for all the 50-50s like my life depends on it. And chase back valiantly. Cos I so fucking want the ball.
And I'm sure I tried very hard yesterday.
This has gotten me very very angry, maybe that's what I need to fight even harder on friday.
Personal advice:
Shoot earlier
Better ball control down the boards
Better passes under pressure
Good stuff:
Few good passes
Good play behind goal
Few good runs
Fought hard for balls
Haha, but yes that's the difference somehow. I accept things when eddie tells me, but disagree when the storm coaches do so. Maybe it simply boils down to the acknowledgment of good stuff first. It may sound fake or forced, but it's good. Point to note if I ever become a coach.
I went off @
1:56 AM
They told me that I didn't follow my man tight enough when I lost the ball. They said I didn't fight hard enough for 50-50 balls. They said I didn't use my body.
I feel so lost and helpless cos I thought I fought fucking hard for the balls yesterday. And it's still not good enough. Body and following of opponent yes I admit I didn't do it well enough.
That's why eddie is so amazing. He tells me I'm not aggressive enough but he makes it a point to tell me the good I've done when I come out of a shift.
Unlike...
They ask me to learn from sj, to play with heart.
WHAT THE FUCK SO I DON'T PLAY WITH HEART? I love floorball it's my life and I DON'T PLAY WITH HEART?
They really should go learn how to be a coach. Use the right words. Stop bruising people.
I have a mental block against fighting for all the 50-50 balls cos I don't have the HEART to watch my teammates cover that player for me if the player wins me. And get real, she'll win it at least sometimes. Even if I expend all my oxygen and muscles to chase back, what if she's faster and ends up scoring in the process? Would I still have done the right thing? This is not hypothetical I've seen it happen to some people.
That's my mental block yeah, but I'll have to get over it since Eddie says so. It's a risk we have to take. Fight for all the 50-50s like my life depends on it. And chase back valiantly. Cos I so fucking want the ball.
And I'm sure I tried very hard yesterday.
This has gotten me very very angry, maybe that's what I need to fight even harder on friday.
Personal advice:
Shoot earlier
Better ball control down the boards
Better passes under pressure
Good stuff:
Few good passes
Good play behind goal
Few good runs
Fought hard for balls
Haha, but yes that's the difference somehow. I accept things when eddie tells me, but disagree when the storm coaches do so. Maybe it simply boils down to the acknowledgment of good stuff first. It may sound fake or forced, but it's good. Point to note if I ever become a coach.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
destroyer of peace
burning villages
fleeing victims
innocent victims
children crying
men bleeding
their ghosts will be back one day
you may not mind
you may accept the consequences
but these are innocent lives
spare a thought for others
and the pain they go through
I went off @
10:11 AM
burning villages
fleeing victims
innocent victims
children crying
men bleeding
their ghosts will be back one day
you may not mind
you may accept the consequences
but these are innocent lives
spare a thought for others
and the pain they go through
i can't even read your name
it washes over me like rain again
I went off @
9:17 AM
it washes over me like rain again
I am amazed at how many people I talk to actually also feel that guys are, for lack of a better word, jerks. That they are shallow, fake and manipulative. That they become a totally different person when trying to win over someone. How they treat this special candy so differently from everyone else. And how they change when they have the girl fall head over heels in love with them. Now, she is his slave, trying her best to win his love back while he becomes mean and unloving. Then there's also the very worst kind of creature on earth, the guy who can't keep his dick in his pants. He just can't help falling prey to bigger boobs, perkier asses, things that simply blow him away. I have this idea that most guys, in fact, are the worst kinds of creatures on earth. Most.
Then I posed a question: what if I were the one who was trying to win over someone? Would I become so damn different from the person I am? Be so much nicer? Do so much more things that are out of my way? Yes and no. I guess you can't help but try a bit harder, but it wouldn't (I will not let it) be that different from the real me. I want to be nice my whole life. Unlike some guys I see around me, fake asses and trying too hard.
Finally, another thing that gets on our nerves. The jerk who is a real good brudder to his brudders, real good friend to his girl friends, real good classmate, hallmate, so-called nice guy. But a total, eternal jerk to women. Anything, screw them and dump them, affairs, wife-bashing, rude and disrespectful... the list goes on. A variation of the worst kind of creature on earth. How can someone be so nice to others but so damn mean and selfish and hurting towards someone who loves him. It totally rattles my mind to think of this. Maybe that's why I am more attracted to bad boys and am actually afraid of Mr. Nice Guys. And I am very skeptical when people claim that so-and-so is such a nice person, a really really nice person. Because I shudder to think of what horrible demons will emerge when the bedroom door shuts.
I used to tell people, I can tell whether a guy is talking to a good looking girl, without looking at the girl, and just seeing the expression on his face. It would be full of lust, happiness, and tryingtoimpressness. Disgusting. I like to read people but am really, really sick of seeing how differently guys react to and treat good lookers. It really disgusts me. Though I do not deny that we girls do it sometimes. Someone who has really directly hurt me by this sort of behavior, insulted me even, is a girl actually.
In fact, my whole rant didn't deny that girls can be like this too. Perhaps I've just met more jerks than jerkesses? shrugs.
Someone told me I deserve a super nice guy. But does he actually exist? I sure hope so.
I went off @
8:24 AM
Then I posed a question: what if I were the one who was trying to win over someone? Would I become so damn different from the person I am? Be so much nicer? Do so much more things that are out of my way? Yes and no. I guess you can't help but try a bit harder, but it wouldn't (I will not let it) be that different from the real me. I want to be nice my whole life. Unlike some guys I see around me, fake asses and trying too hard.
Finally, another thing that gets on our nerves. The jerk who is a real good brudder to his brudders, real good friend to his girl friends, real good classmate, hallmate, so-called nice guy. But a total, eternal jerk to women. Anything, screw them and dump them, affairs, wife-bashing, rude and disrespectful... the list goes on. A variation of the worst kind of creature on earth. How can someone be so nice to others but so damn mean and selfish and hurting towards someone who loves him. It totally rattles my mind to think of this. Maybe that's why I am more attracted to bad boys and am actually afraid of Mr. Nice Guys. And I am very skeptical when people claim that so-and-so is such a nice person, a really really nice person. Because I shudder to think of what horrible demons will emerge when the bedroom door shuts.
I used to tell people, I can tell whether a guy is talking to a good looking girl, without looking at the girl, and just seeing the expression on his face. It would be full of lust, happiness, and tryingtoimpressness. Disgusting. I like to read people but am really, really sick of seeing how differently guys react to and treat good lookers. It really disgusts me. Though I do not deny that we girls do it sometimes. Someone who has really directly hurt me by this sort of behavior, insulted me even, is a girl actually.
In fact, my whole rant didn't deny that girls can be like this too. Perhaps I've just met more jerks than jerkesses? shrugs.
Someone told me I deserve a super nice guy. But does he actually exist? I sure hope so.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
It's the weekend and I can't wait for it to pass, cos then next friday will be closer! 6 absolute days left now :) So exciting!
I think I am still feeling tired out from thursday night. So so tired in training this morning, luckily I didn't go to play the storm friendly. I panted and panted just from running a little in warm up games and drills! =x When the 3v3 n 4v4 games finally came, I was seriously tired and everytime I subbed out, my breathing was frantic and it really hurt :( Is it really the alcohol having a delayed effect? I sure hope so, cos if not something else is really wrong with me. Unnaturally tired. Rather enjoyed training though, the games were fun and had some nice passes between my teammates :)
Went to old airport road hawker centre after training to eat the prawn noodle. Not bad, but wayyy too little towgay, I love towgay. Partook in some lunch gossip too hahaha. Good, some opinions are unanimous. I don't need to feel so bad about having negative thoughts about some people now ;)
Sooo tired that when I came home, bathed and had a few of my favorite ambon, then went to have an afternoon nap. Haven't had one in ages :) It was so good. And the weather was cool when I woke up, what a nice change.
What a nice pampered day at home :)
I went off @
7:07 AM
I think I am still feeling tired out from thursday night. So so tired in training this morning, luckily I didn't go to play the storm friendly. I panted and panted just from running a little in warm up games and drills! =x When the 3v3 n 4v4 games finally came, I was seriously tired and everytime I subbed out, my breathing was frantic and it really hurt :( Is it really the alcohol having a delayed effect? I sure hope so, cos if not something else is really wrong with me. Unnaturally tired. Rather enjoyed training though, the games were fun and had some nice passes between my teammates :)
Went to old airport road hawker centre after training to eat the prawn noodle. Not bad, but wayyy too little towgay, I love towgay. Partook in some lunch gossip too hahaha. Good, some opinions are unanimous. I don't need to feel so bad about having negative thoughts about some people now ;)
Sooo tired that when I came home, bathed and had a few of my favorite ambon, then went to have an afternoon nap. Haven't had one in ages :) It was so good. And the weather was cool when I woke up, what a nice change.
What a nice pampered day at home :)
fridays i love you
Friday, June 12, 2009
I can't believe, that it's fridayyyy! And I only have five more days of work to go. FIVE. I can finally count the number of days on one hand. At lAsT.
It's a very nice friday at work. Had a two hour office lunch party with colleagues and some of them are seriously super funny. Mild hangovers are good for getting one through the day. It whizzed past just like that and I don't even know what I did. But no more urge to club now. Stupid diluted drinks; 6 shots, beer and cocktails and not high enough. Waste of money. Don't feel much like dancing anymore, impotency of alcohol or lousy music I'm not sure. I shall be a good girl... and drink in hall next time instead hahaha. And we shall see how true I am to my word when next wednesday comes. HAHA.
OK but please stop going so often. HEALTH. FITNESS.
Tempest training clashes with storm friendly tomorrow :( Oh well but it had to happen sooner or later. I have enjoyed the best of both worlds for so long, something had to clash, or it'd be too perfect. And life's not fair if it's so perfect. Sooo, Sacrifice! :S
And to butcher the words of dryden mitchell, it's friday, i'm not in love!!! and i love it that way! ;)
I went off @
2:05 AM
It's a very nice friday at work. Had a two hour office lunch party with colleagues and some of them are seriously super funny. Mild hangovers are good for getting one through the day. It whizzed past just like that and I don't even know what I did. But no more urge to club now. Stupid diluted drinks; 6 shots, beer and cocktails and not high enough. Waste of money. Don't feel much like dancing anymore, impotency of alcohol or lousy music I'm not sure. I shall be a good girl... and drink in hall next time instead hahaha. And we shall see how true I am to my word when next wednesday comes. HAHA.
OK but please stop going so often. HEALTH. FITNESS.
Tempest training clashes with storm friendly tomorrow :( Oh well but it had to happen sooner or later. I have enjoyed the best of both worlds for so long, something had to clash, or it'd be too perfect. And life's not fair if it's so perfect. Sooo, Sacrifice! :S
And to butcher the words of dryden mitchell, it's friday, i'm not in love!!! and i love it that way! ;)
Enough is enough. I don't want this no more.
Enough of clubs.
Enough of PI.
Enough of being me.
Enough of alot of other things.
I went off @
1:40 AM
Enough of clubs.
Enough of PI.
Enough of being me.
Enough of alot of other things.
after the sun sets...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Haha phew they left the scolding to the sunlit hours of the day. It's wasn't that bad =s Shall come back from training as early as I can next time, which is still 12 plus, but too bad. Hope their attitude changes when I start working.
Enjoyed myself at blizzards training though I mostly sucked. Like the drills! And well I could sit out the suicide runs cos my leg still hurts ;) And my inadequacies, hmm, mostly are due to my nervousness of being in an unfamiliar training, and the loose head of my stick. Which are changeable, haha. But oh man I am super tempted to buy a new stick now after all that stick talking and stick touching last night, lol. Training was good also cos of the presence of a handful of eye candies. hahaha.. and I'm a happy girl.
This afternoon, I read the blog of a guy who seems to be pretty close to an entity called the man of my dreams. Looks, talent, interests, sensitivities, inclinations... Closest ever. I very well know I'm only seeing a side of him.. but I have never met anyone so like me, from the looks of his blog and speaking to him like ONCE. haha.. It doesn't matter he's attached :) Felt a little sad.. but it's ok.
Just had a very long talk with a friend about our past relationships. It was refreshing and healing, thank you :)
I went off @
4:09 AM
Enjoyed myself at blizzards training though I mostly sucked. Like the drills! And well I could sit out the suicide runs cos my leg still hurts ;) And my inadequacies, hmm, mostly are due to my nervousness of being in an unfamiliar training, and the loose head of my stick. Which are changeable, haha. But oh man I am super tempted to buy a new stick now after all that stick talking and stick touching last night, lol. Training was good also cos of the presence of a handful of eye candies. hahaha.. and I'm a happy girl.
This afternoon, I read the blog of a guy who seems to be pretty close to an entity called the man of my dreams. Looks, talent, interests, sensitivities, inclinations... Closest ever. I very well know I'm only seeing a side of him.. but I have never met anyone so like me, from the looks of his blog and speaking to him like ONCE. haha.. It doesn't matter he's attached :) Felt a little sad.. but it's ok.
Just had a very long talk with a friend about our past relationships. It was refreshing and healing, thank you :)
I am paying dearly for my night of fun. Got scolded by my mum in the afternoon and by my dad in the evening for coming back at 1 plus. They say they cannot get to sleep cos they're worried, and they can't sleep without double-locking the door. Sigh. They sleep at about 12. That means with normal training ending at around 10.20pm, I also come back at 12.20am. And my dad keeps asking me for my coach's number to scold the coach. wtf?
And he keeps wanting to discuss with me what am I gonna do next time when I do not have a hall anymore and how can I come back at 12 plus. Cos they can't sleep before I come back and the sounds of water running will wake them up. All I can think is 'what the fuck'. You can say I am selfish, but aren't they being a little too paranoid and selfish themselves? Let's view my options objectively: either I leave training early, have a boyfriend who can fetch me all the time, cab back, or stop playing floorball. Nice.
Last night, the de-brief took super long and the guys still needed to go change and dilly dally (I swear they're worse than us girls haha). By the time we left it was already 10.45pm, and at this rate I would reach home by 12.45am anyway! So I thought 12 plus and 1 plus no difference, they would already be asleep by then, so may as well go supper. So I overdid it and went supper with nick suf and chunwei at some prata place in kembangan, and totally forgot that I had work the next day and forgot the time, lol.
It was almost 2 when I reached home, that's why I am getting screwed extra badly. But the problems persist even if I came back straight and reached at 12.45am.
The bottomline: I'm not supposed to come back after 12 cos they say they can't sleep before I'm back.
HOW FUCKING HOW.
Reasonable argument doesn't work. Let's just continue fighting till I shift out why don't we.
I went off @
12:05 AM
And he keeps wanting to discuss with me what am I gonna do next time when I do not have a hall anymore and how can I come back at 12 plus. Cos they can't sleep before I come back and the sounds of water running will wake them up. All I can think is 'what the fuck'. You can say I am selfish, but aren't they being a little too paranoid and selfish themselves? Let's view my options objectively: either I leave training early, have a boyfriend who can fetch me all the time, cab back, or stop playing floorball. Nice.
Last night, the de-brief took super long and the guys still needed to go change and dilly dally (I swear they're worse than us girls haha). By the time we left it was already 10.45pm, and at this rate I would reach home by 12.45am anyway! So I thought 12 plus and 1 plus no difference, they would already be asleep by then, so may as well go supper. So I overdid it and went supper with nick suf and chunwei at some prata place in kembangan, and totally forgot that I had work the next day and forgot the time, lol.
It was almost 2 when I reached home, that's why I am getting screwed extra badly. But the problems persist even if I came back straight and reached at 12.45am.
The bottomline: I'm not supposed to come back after 12 cos they say they can't sleep before I'm back.
HOW FUCKING HOW.
Reasonable argument doesn't work. Let's just continue fighting till I shift out why don't we.
Monday, June 8, 2009
This hasn't been a happy morning. Sleepy and moody. And I can't place a finger on what exactly is wrong. Various images and thoughts flitting through my head are causing this. Of being sad, and fat, and well I guess that's pretty much it.
And this ex roomie of mine came to talk to me on msn and all over again I had to explain what I 'do' at work. Which is waste my life away; a useless, pointless existence. And I said this again: when you guys had your first day of school last semester, went for/skipped tutorials and lectures, studied/ponned quizzes, prepared for projects and presentations, studied for examinations, ended examinations, enjoyed some holidays, I am still here. Sure, being in school has its ups and downs, bad times and good times. But through it all, my arse is still resolutely glued to this same bloody seat. Day in day out. Doing close to nothing of worth. And she still asked me to take the initiative to ask for work, read stuff and do some things. Obviously, I've already exhausted all these options. Luckily this is already week 23/24 and I don't care about not having anything to do anymore. It's just eight days more. I want my climax, my release, soon.
Bad mood morning, sigh. There's a high chance it's that time of the month again. Gonna go shopping during lunch to cheer myself up :)
I went off @
8:49 PM
And this ex roomie of mine came to talk to me on msn and all over again I had to explain what I 'do' at work. Which is waste my life away; a useless, pointless existence. And I said this again: when you guys had your first day of school last semester, went for/skipped tutorials and lectures, studied/ponned quizzes, prepared for projects and presentations, studied for examinations, ended examinations, enjoyed some holidays, I am still here. Sure, being in school has its ups and downs, bad times and good times. But through it all, my arse is still resolutely glued to this same bloody seat. Day in day out. Doing close to nothing of worth. And she still asked me to take the initiative to ask for work, read stuff and do some things. Obviously, I've already exhausted all these options. Luckily this is already week 23/24 and I don't care about not having anything to do anymore. It's just eight days more. I want my climax, my release, soon.
Bad mood morning, sigh. There's a high chance it's that time of the month again. Gonna go shopping during lunch to cheer myself up :)
would you choose it
not red enough
not orange enough
not yellow enough
not green enough
not blue enough
not purple enough
not pink enough
not white enough
not black enough
not bright enough
not dark enough
not sweet enough
not salty enough
not bitter enough
not sour enough
not spicy enough
not rough enough
not smooth enough
not hard enough
not soft enough
not chewy enough
not crunchy enough
taste it to believe it
I went off @
8:27 PM
not red enough
not orange enough
not yellow enough
not green enough
not blue enough
not purple enough
not pink enough
not white enough
not black enough
not bright enough
not dark enough
not sweet enough
not salty enough
not bitter enough
not sour enough
not spicy enough
not rough enough
not smooth enough
not hard enough
not soft enough
not chewy enough
not crunchy enough
taste it to believe it
Omg I wanted to make a post about the game yesterday, but I am dying from laughter, from things that I bet no one else except me and alex will find funny. hahahah. The ringtone from the mrt, we're still laughing about it hahah. The other day back from clementi another indian woman walked in, and we just started humming the tune at the same time and burst into crazy laughter again. hahaha. And now some contractor walking around my office has that ringtone, in a more indian, techno and fast version. And I'm laughing till my tears come out and I'm gasping for air. And keep calling each other HELLO SISTER, hey sister go sister, stop it sister hahhaha. I'm silent laughing until I'm injuring myself by now.
Wooh deep breaths and stop laughing NOW.
Yes the game. Haha, we currently hold the honour of losing to lmfc by the second smallest scoreline, 6-1. As a whole we did rather well, the goals that went in, well, have to hand it to them for their good rebounding skills, and a couple of accurate ones into the near post. The nature of the goals meant that we defended rather well! And we applied quite alot of pressure into attack at times =) I think the girls' mental strength has improved from the last dismal two games.
On a personal level, I somehow managed to ignore my strained leg and run in the game (like my new idol sue haha, cui ankle yet so fast!). But feedback says that I was rather slow and flat-footed. Argh! More physical is needed.. that's why I'm going blizzards tomorrow. In the game, I received quite alot of good passes, but hmm, maybe cos we don't change positions enough to confuse the defenders, they are always already on me when I get the ball. Such that, I cannot proceed down the boards when I get the ball, whether I try to turn in or run down, they'll be there. Perhaps, next time I must be more aware of my next course of action before the ball comes? And at least try to fake instead of forcing it. Yepp.
Words from the wise man: to be more aggressive when I am getting the ball. Have more urgency to control it and make a hard pass out, faster. Not just nua and take my time as though I am in FnG. And be closer to the goalie when attempting to rebound. Once again yesterday, I had a chance to rebound in the opening minutes, only to miss by a very small bit. But at least this game, I did not let the missed opportunity mess with my head, and continued giving my best.
Give your best in any game you play! Don't let bad performances or decisions affect you, don't be afraid of strong opponents. Just continue to give your best and hold your own. Make sure you can account to yourself after the game.
And new idol sue. Did you see how fast she ran to cover the defence against a very fast opponent? And she matced her step for step even though her ankle obviously hurts. That's true spirit and dedication =) Love her pep talks too, very sincere and inspiring, really my idol.
The weekend that went by showed storm and tempest to have contrasting fortunes. Storm won the friendly by many goals, and tempest lost. But I'm glad to say I played against lmfc =) In the words of our coach, "you only get to play them once this season, treasure it".
Alright time to knock off from work, don't wanna blog till I overtime again =p Meeting yr hq and wx for dinner yay!
I went off @
12:40 AM
Wooh deep breaths and stop laughing NOW.
Yes the game. Haha, we currently hold the honour of losing to lmfc by the second smallest scoreline, 6-1. As a whole we did rather well, the goals that went in, well, have to hand it to them for their good rebounding skills, and a couple of accurate ones into the near post. The nature of the goals meant that we defended rather well! And we applied quite alot of pressure into attack at times =) I think the girls' mental strength has improved from the last dismal two games.
On a personal level, I somehow managed to ignore my strained leg and run in the game (like my new idol sue haha, cui ankle yet so fast!). But feedback says that I was rather slow and flat-footed. Argh! More physical is needed.. that's why I'm going blizzards tomorrow. In the game, I received quite alot of good passes, but hmm, maybe cos we don't change positions enough to confuse the defenders, they are always already on me when I get the ball. Such that, I cannot proceed down the boards when I get the ball, whether I try to turn in or run down, they'll be there. Perhaps, next time I must be more aware of my next course of action before the ball comes? And at least try to fake instead of forcing it. Yepp.
Words from the wise man: to be more aggressive when I am getting the ball. Have more urgency to control it and make a hard pass out, faster. Not just nua and take my time as though I am in FnG. And be closer to the goalie when attempting to rebound. Once again yesterday, I had a chance to rebound in the opening minutes, only to miss by a very small bit. But at least this game, I did not let the missed opportunity mess with my head, and continued giving my best.
Give your best in any game you play! Don't let bad performances or decisions affect you, don't be afraid of strong opponents. Just continue to give your best and hold your own. Make sure you can account to yourself after the game.
And new idol sue. Did you see how fast she ran to cover the defence against a very fast opponent? And she matced her step for step even though her ankle obviously hurts. That's true spirit and dedication =) Love her pep talks too, very sincere and inspiring, really my idol.
The weekend that went by showed storm and tempest to have contrasting fortunes. Storm won the friendly by many goals, and tempest lost. But I'm glad to say I played against lmfc =) In the words of our coach, "you only get to play them once this season, treasure it".
Alright time to knock off from work, don't wanna blog till I overtime again =p Meeting yr hq and wx for dinner yay!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I've finally passed my theory tests and obtained my PDL, after not being allowed at first, and putting it off for so long.Will go for lessons once my PI ends, one step closer to realising my dream!
Went down to support storm after my theory test. Not on the way la, but since I was already out of the house and had nothing to do on a saturday. They won about 16-2, congrats =) And we went out to a halal japanese restaurant, is it sushi tei? Food was of expected standard, and my salmon sashimi sushi was actually not bad. It's the company that matters more anyway, funfunfun =) I came home today thinking, what a happy day =)
Why do you make me so happy?
I went there, with a flicker of hope of bumping into you. It didn't happen. But I remember walking through those corridors with you, round the field with you, everything with you. I sat there with the thought that you must have sat here a hundred times, probably with her =( I talked to someone who took about four years to get over her ex today. And I thought hey I've only been through two years, not that bad.
How can a day be both so happy and so sad...
I went off @
11:02 AM
Went down to support storm after my theory test. Not on the way la, but since I was already out of the house and had nothing to do on a saturday. They won about 16-2, congrats =) And we went out to a halal japanese restaurant, is it sushi tei? Food was of expected standard, and my salmon sashimi sushi was actually not bad. It's the company that matters more anyway, funfunfun =) I came home today thinking, what a happy day =)
Why do you make me so happy?
I went there, with a flicker of hope of bumping into you. It didn't happen. But I remember walking through those corridors with you, round the field with you, everything with you. I sat there with the thought that you must have sat here a hundred times, probably with her =( I talked to someone who took about four years to get over her ex today. And I thought hey I've only been through two years, not that bad.
How can a day be both so happy and so sad...
isn't it amazing
how seventeen can be
I went off @
8:50 AM
how seventeen can be
Friday, June 5, 2009
Someone once told me, blogs that describe what went on in your daily lives are boring and pointless. Blogs should exist to say intellectual things and comment on politics and technologies and economics.
I think otherwise. I like reading what my friends have been up to, most of the time. And I like writing about my days too. It's a challenge to write it in a way that's not too boring =)
Sometimes, when I find my posts are getting too emo and out of this world, I like to leave a short post about my day to keep myself in check.
If you're someone that looks down on others for things like these, search yourself.
I went off @
5:48 AM
I think otherwise. I like reading what my friends have been up to, most of the time. And I like writing about my days too. It's a challenge to write it in a way that's not too boring =)
Sometimes, when I find my posts are getting too emo and out of this world, I like to leave a short post about my day to keep myself in check.
If you're someone that looks down on others for things like these, search yourself.
fridays are different :)
Extreme tiredness today. zombified.
Such a blissful sleep on the train this morning that I woke up one stop later =p
Too tired to do any searching of tutors.
Slept both with my face down on the table and head slumped on the back of the chair. Wonder if I snored.
Had my second cup of caffeine in view of the need to study for my advanced theory tonight.
So tired that I'm lazy to pick my ass off this seat and leave work early.
But yeah, it's the end of week 22 :) Picks up a flag and waves it feebly in the air, yayy. Tireddd.
2 more weeks to go.. only 2 :)
I went off @
2:02 AM
Such a blissful sleep on the train this morning that I woke up one stop later =p
Too tired to do any searching of tutors.
Slept both with my face down on the table and head slumped on the back of the chair. Wonder if I snored.
Had my second cup of caffeine in view of the need to study for my advanced theory tonight.
So tired that I'm lazy to pick my ass off this seat and leave work early.
But yeah, it's the end of week 22 :) Picks up a flag and waves it feebly in the air, yayy. Tireddd.
2 more weeks to go.. only 2 :)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Leg's still not ok! Had to start training this week cos I got too restless; tried hard not to run all-out though. Maddening and saddening, its affecting my stamina as well. Looks like I'll need counterpain on sunday. =((
Floorball's good cos with trainings on tuesday and wednesday, the week is flashing by just like that =) Storm training on tuesday was erm, cold and empty, haha. Ok well not cold, just very empty. Only seven stormies came! Though the pace was slow (I probably contributed to it cos I needed to jog in drills), I enjoyed it anyhow and rediscovered the fun-ness of some of the girls that I 'neglected'. lol. For lack of a better word la. It's just that I normally end up disturbing feiyong or guffawing away with kuja OUCH MY ARM during training and hardly talk to anyone else. Was really like a rediscovery of how funny the rest are. Went to have this teochew porridge near kovan mrt for supper with yipsy sj carmen n cheryl. Was pretty good, BUT a real reminder not to order fish from outside stalls. It cost 20 bucks for a small and unsatisfactory piece. Can you spell 敲诈 kotok? Enjoyed the supper anyhow =) And yipsyy your driving is improving everytime I get a ride =D Oh ya but don't be so blur, sj's message tone is not 'power ranger'.. lol!
Tempest training was not bad today. The early birds started out with fun 3-on-3 games as 'warm-up'. lol. But I think I ended up straining my forearms from all that exerting shooting during the games. Couldn't really perform shots as well today, probably due to the floor. This shows that my shooting technique needs improving! But I got into quite a few good chances to shoot during after-training games today as well, just couldn't garner up the drag shot. It's promising though =) Oh and xius fell in training today AGAIN. It was like an epic fall, pok, pok, piah. Three contact points, and everyone looked on in slow motion. haha.. poor thing.
I stopped by the singtel shop at raffles city today, think I more or less have my eye on one. Couldn't believe it when my mum told me my 2-years up is in august. That felt fast! Oh oops but money may be a problem now. My tutee said that her guardian may want to organise group tuition for all the housemates. Sounds believable yeah but maybe it's just an excuse for sacking me =pPp hahaha.. Hehe I gotta admit this is some bittersweeet news. I can't say I didn't have a hard time doing it. The things we do for money.. tsktsk. On the prowl for other avenues now.
It's 1.30am now. At least it'll be justified if I'm sleepyhead at work tomorrow =p Colleagues taking me out to dimsum buffet! And the lunch should drag to two hours haha.. Wheee something to look forward to =)
2 weeks/12 days to go. I know I'll definitely miss the people and the slacking, but holidays I can't wait to run into your embrace =)
I went off @
9:44 AM
Floorball's good cos with trainings on tuesday and wednesday, the week is flashing by just like that =) Storm training on tuesday was erm, cold and empty, haha. Ok well not cold, just very empty. Only seven stormies came! Though the pace was slow (I probably contributed to it cos I needed to jog in drills), I enjoyed it anyhow and rediscovered the fun-ness of some of the girls that I 'neglected'. lol. For lack of a better word la. It's just that I normally end up disturbing feiyong or guffawing away with kuja OUCH MY ARM during training and hardly talk to anyone else. Was really like a rediscovery of how funny the rest are. Went to have this teochew porridge near kovan mrt for supper with yipsy sj carmen n cheryl. Was pretty good, BUT a real reminder not to order fish from outside stalls. It cost 20 bucks for a small and unsatisfactory piece. Can you spell 敲诈 kotok? Enjoyed the supper anyhow =) And yipsyy your driving is improving everytime I get a ride =D Oh ya but don't be so blur, sj's message tone is not 'power ranger'.. lol!
Tempest training was not bad today. The early birds started out with fun 3-on-3 games as 'warm-up'. lol. But I think I ended up straining my forearms from all that exerting shooting during the games. Couldn't really perform shots as well today, probably due to the floor. This shows that my shooting technique needs improving! But I got into quite a few good chances to shoot during after-training games today as well, just couldn't garner up the drag shot. It's promising though =) Oh and xius fell in training today AGAIN. It was like an epic fall, pok, pok, piah. Three contact points, and everyone looked on in slow motion. haha.. poor thing.
I stopped by the singtel shop at raffles city today, think I more or less have my eye on one. Couldn't believe it when my mum told me my 2-years up is in august. That felt fast! Oh oops but money may be a problem now. My tutee said that her guardian may want to organise group tuition for all the housemates. Sounds believable yeah but maybe it's just an excuse for sacking me =pPp hahaha.. Hehe I gotta admit this is some bittersweeet news. I can't say I didn't have a hard time doing it. The things we do for money.. tsktsk. On the prowl for other avenues now.
It's 1.30am now. At least it'll be justified if I'm sleepyhead at work tomorrow =p Colleagues taking me out to dimsum buffet! And the lunch should drag to two hours haha.. Wheee something to look forward to =)
2 weeks/12 days to go. I know I'll definitely miss the people and the slacking, but holidays I can't wait to run into your embrace =)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I think my previous entries make it sound like I'm enjoying a sabbatical atop some mountain, looking at valleys and rivers beneath me and reflecting. I wish ;)
I'm still here in good old singapore, took the usual 7.45 train to work today, did some news monitoring with the nice slow internet that allows me to slack at the same time, photocopied and scanned some news, had chicken rice for lunch, and just came back from a 10-minute toilet nap. Gonna do some saikang at 3.30pm later (receive some film crew for my colleague and call her when they are ready).
That is life in a nutshell. Perhaps the drudgery of it all leads to reflection.
I am so freaking sleepy even though I had more sleep last night than any other night. That's not new, good actions doesn't necessarily lead to good consequences. I learned that the hard way.
I went off @
11:46 PM
I'm still here in good old singapore, took the usual 7.45 train to work today, did some news monitoring with the nice slow internet that allows me to slack at the same time, photocopied and scanned some news, had chicken rice for lunch, and just came back from a 10-minute toilet nap. Gonna do some saikang at 3.30pm later (receive some film crew for my colleague and call her when they are ready).
That is life in a nutshell. Perhaps the drudgery of it all leads to reflection.
I am so freaking sleepy even though I had more sleep last night than any other night. That's not new, good actions doesn't necessarily lead to good consequences. I learned that the hard way.
shipwreck
shipwreck
lying at the bottom of the ocean
how i wish i could breathe again
see this world in all its wonderful colours again
impossibly colourful buoys
they attract me
they don't pull me up
i swim towards them
knock my head into some
all an excuse
not to be saved
maybe i enjoy living on the ocean floor
i really don't want to anymore
finding the strength
to swim up by myself
I went off @
11:21 PM
lying at the bottom of the ocean
how i wish i could breathe again
see this world in all its wonderful colours again
impossibly colourful buoys
they attract me
they don't pull me up
i swim towards them
knock my head into some
all an excuse
not to be saved
maybe i enjoy living on the ocean floor
i really don't want to anymore
finding the strength
to swim up by myself
friends don't look down on you
how seemingly ugly you are
how seemingly stupid you are
how seemingly lousy you are
it's a rude shock and a heartbreak
when you realise some are not friends
but settle down settle down
you can't have the whole world
in the palm of your hand
*reminds myself*
I went off @
8:05 PM
how seemingly ugly you are
how seemingly stupid you are
how seemingly lousy you are
it's a rude shock and a heartbreak
when you realise some are not friends
but settle down settle down
you can't have the whole world
in the palm of your hand
*reminds myself*
rainy morning memories
i remember these rainy mornings
oh so well
of a time in the past
that feels like yesterday
many yesterdays ago
i love to relive them
the only way i can
they'll never come back
increasingly
content with just the happy memories
contained in a teardrop
I went off @
5:56 PM
oh so well
of a time in the past
that feels like yesterday
many yesterdays ago
i love to relive them
the only way i can
they'll never come back
increasingly
content with just the happy memories
contained in a teardrop
do you wanna be
puppets in the rain
I went off @
1:03 AM
puppets in the rain