Some people are not as good as they seem
Some people are not as bad as they seem
Which group do you belong to
It's hard to practise what you preach
But preaching makes it easier to practise it
When you tell someone they deserve better
You should believe you deserve better too
I had the weirdest of dreams last night, I had the weirdest sensations just before I went to bed. Gonna take a portion of today to shake off the weirdness of it all.
I went off @
7:41 PM
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I wish some people would stop coming to talk to me about stupid things. Like are 'this and that' together? Don't waste my fucking time man. And some people bore me with their stupid talk about boring things. Make that some people guys, and in particular some guys. I can't stand some of their attitudes and lack of aptitudes. Fucking boring.
Hahahah I'm such a prude.
I went off @
7:14 PM
Hahahah I'm such a prude.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The end of internship is super duper near!! 3 weeks 3 weeks 3 weeks!
I can almost smell the freedom in the air right now =) Wanna go swim, cycle, learn to blade again, play badminton. Please shout out if you wanna do any of these! Months of pasty white skin, sitting and suffocating all day, and getting fat are coming to an end soon. Sports, sun, fitness and fun, prepare to welcome me back soon! And I can finally learn how to drive, provided I pass my advanced theory next week. Will try my best to be a good driver so I can finally fetch people around. And I wanna cut and colour my hair once internship is over, to celebrate the end!
So many plans... hmm what shall I do on 19th june...!
15 days. Prays to the internship gods to please make it a smooth 15 days.
Yippie!!!
I went off @
9:17 AM
I can almost smell the freedom in the air right now =) Wanna go swim, cycle, learn to blade again, play badminton. Please shout out if you wanna do any of these! Months of pasty white skin, sitting and suffocating all day, and getting fat are coming to an end soon. Sports, sun, fitness and fun, prepare to welcome me back soon! And I can finally learn how to drive, provided I pass my advanced theory next week. Will try my best to be a good driver so I can finally fetch people around. And I wanna cut and colour my hair once internship is over, to celebrate the end!
So many plans... hmm what shall I do on 19th june...!
15 days. Prays to the internship gods to please make it a smooth 15 days.
Yippie!!!
You are loved not because you deserve it, you are just loved.
Don't ask me to measure people in worth.
That's just not what I do.
At the end of the day, it's not how you look, what you do, it's who you are.
When you're really smitten. Everything goes. Everything.
Things are not what they seem.
Words are not what they mean ;)
I went off @
8:50 AM
Don't ask me to measure people in worth.
That's just not what I do.
At the end of the day, it's not how you look, what you do, it's who you are.
When you're really smitten. Everything goes. Everything.
Things are not what they seem.
Words are not what they mean ;)
The past two days have been pretty happy ones =)
I swore off running in the hope of recovery, which means I couldn't do the drills at storm training. Okay I was pretty restless about it, but just going to training and seeing everyone made me so happy. Staying over at hall 7 with wy, sleeping on the comfycomfy bed with super nice weather towards the morning (thank you fj!), going to make the cake, and just standing around in training again. Why am I so happy in storm? Of course it has got me thinking of whether I am really happy to have left storm. Ignoring the friends issue cos I always knew that that was the major drawback, the main objective of leaving was to improve and play at a higher level. Play at a higher level, I definitely have got that in div 1. Improve, not as much as I thought. Cos storm training is different now. There is a greater emphasis on technique, drills have improved and things are slightly clearer and less confusing. Circumstances change, but in those circumstances, I would choose to leave if I had to make the choice again. I would have to say I want the best of both worlds, and to an extent I've got it =) Just need to be more responsible in the future.
Something good came out of the time I waited for some of them to bathe. I finally managed to execute drag, wrist and slap shots after not being able to do so for quite some time. Yay =)) And my leg doesn't hurt that much anymore, it's definitely on the mend =) Leg pain has become hand pain though =x Practised too much with my hands since I wasn't able to run, muscle strain and blisters now. I looked at my blisters, and almost wanted to say it out 'look i used my hands too much till I have blisters'. Then I stopped myself, for the memory of having someone to take my hands in theirs, caress my blisters and smile at me coursed through. I knew that if I said it, no one would do that now. And it would hurt.
A rather emo day. And still I laughed raucously like mad dogs with alex whenever we had the chance to. The most bizzare incident was when we both laughed when some person's ringtone rang on the train. Omg I can't remember how it sounded like, it was just some polyphonic ringtone, but super laugh-inducing! And I thought I heard her say 'hello sister' when she picked it up. hahahah. Omg we laughed on and off about her for a few stops and I was seriously scared she'll come up and slap or box us after a while. lol! Do I get more easily amused when I am emo? Does that mean she is emo too?
Back to floorball, I should have gone to sit around in tempest training this morning. I did promise myself to do so the night before and told wy to remind me. But the rain this morning made it convenient to hop on yips car and go off to jp. I'm guilty about it and should be nicer to tempest in the future, most of them are really friendly and nice to me.
At least I got my shots back!!! Can perform better the next tempest training =) I am very fired up for tempest training now.
So I am happy but emo today. Hmm. I am emo about something that's not obvious. There is no real reason for me to be emo over this, but I am. Will I get over it sooner or later? Sure I will.
Flicker of hope.
I went off @
6:58 AM
I swore off running in the hope of recovery, which means I couldn't do the drills at storm training. Okay I was pretty restless about it, but just going to training and seeing everyone made me so happy. Staying over at hall 7 with wy, sleeping on the comfycomfy bed with super nice weather towards the morning (thank you fj!), going to make the cake, and just standing around in training again. Why am I so happy in storm? Of course it has got me thinking of whether I am really happy to have left storm. Ignoring the friends issue cos I always knew that that was the major drawback, the main objective of leaving was to improve and play at a higher level. Play at a higher level, I definitely have got that in div 1. Improve, not as much as I thought. Cos storm training is different now. There is a greater emphasis on technique, drills have improved and things are slightly clearer and less confusing. Circumstances change, but in those circumstances, I would choose to leave if I had to make the choice again. I would have to say I want the best of both worlds, and to an extent I've got it =) Just need to be more responsible in the future.
Something good came out of the time I waited for some of them to bathe. I finally managed to execute drag, wrist and slap shots after not being able to do so for quite some time. Yay =)) And my leg doesn't hurt that much anymore, it's definitely on the mend =) Leg pain has become hand pain though =x Practised too much with my hands since I wasn't able to run, muscle strain and blisters now. I looked at my blisters, and almost wanted to say it out 'look i used my hands too much till I have blisters'. Then I stopped myself, for the memory of having someone to take my hands in theirs, caress my blisters and smile at me coursed through. I knew that if I said it, no one would do that now. And it would hurt.
A rather emo day. And still I laughed raucously like mad dogs with alex whenever we had the chance to. The most bizzare incident was when we both laughed when some person's ringtone rang on the train. Omg I can't remember how it sounded like, it was just some polyphonic ringtone, but super laugh-inducing! And I thought I heard her say 'hello sister' when she picked it up. hahahah. Omg we laughed on and off about her for a few stops and I was seriously scared she'll come up and slap or box us after a while. lol! Do I get more easily amused when I am emo? Does that mean she is emo too?
Back to floorball, I should have gone to sit around in tempest training this morning. I did promise myself to do so the night before and told wy to remind me. But the rain this morning made it convenient to hop on yips car and go off to jp. I'm guilty about it and should be nicer to tempest in the future, most of them are really friendly and nice to me.
At least I got my shots back!!! Can perform better the next tempest training =) I am very fired up for tempest training now.
So I am happy but emo today. Hmm. I am emo about something that's not obvious. There is no real reason for me to be emo over this, but I am. Will I get over it sooner or later? Sure I will.
Flicker of hope.
Memories of happiness put a smile on your face but also tears to your eyes
Moments of happiness send you up to heaven but also back down to earth
I went off @
6:15 AM
Moments of happiness send you up to heaven but also back down to earth
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
20 weeks done, 3 weeks and 3 days to go
EIGHTEEN DAYS LEFT!!!
I can really really see the light at the end of the tunnel now =)
Bad news for now is that I probably tore the muscle in my right gluteus/hamstring/quadriceps area mildly. The different areas take turns to hurt and getting up, walking, and even sneezing causes sharp but not serious pains. It started hurting more than a week ago, but I underestimated the seriousness and continued to train and play. Now, a week without running is in order. Good thing there is no game this week, hopefully I'll be fit for LMFC next sunday =)
Haha my final report is due this friday and I haven't even started it. BUT I did an outline today and that's probably the hardest part. I think I can chiong finish by tomorrow! Yay report done, PI will be almost done =))
I went off @
2:46 AM
EIGHTEEN DAYS LEFT!!!
I can really really see the light at the end of the tunnel now =)
Bad news for now is that I probably tore the muscle in my right gluteus/hamstring/quadriceps area mildly. The different areas take turns to hurt and getting up, walking, and even sneezing causes sharp but not serious pains. It started hurting more than a week ago, but I underestimated the seriousness and continued to train and play. Now, a week without running is in order. Good thing there is no game this week, hopefully I'll be fit for LMFC next sunday =)
Haha my final report is due this friday and I haven't even started it. BUT I did an outline today and that's probably the hardest part. I think I can chiong finish by tomorrow! Yay report done, PI will be almost done =))
It's only a game, I'm not bearing the colours of my school or nation, it's just a club, but it's my life, and our pride.
The pain of the defeat shook me right down to the bones. All my head wanted to do was droop and stare pointedly at the ground, all my eyes wanted to do was stare straight ahead. All I felt, was anguish for not playing a good game, for missing those damn rebounds, for losing my goddamn head in the game.
After complaining the entire night away, the weight was lifted and knots were undone. And I started to focus on the good and look forward again.
But I was very very sad, don't remember feeling this sad over much else.
I can never find meaning in the phrase, it's just a game.
I went off @
2:28 AM
The pain of the defeat shook me right down to the bones. All my head wanted to do was droop and stare pointedly at the ground, all my eyes wanted to do was stare straight ahead. All I felt, was anguish for not playing a good game, for missing those damn rebounds, for losing my goddamn head in the game.
After complaining the entire night away, the weight was lifted and knots were undone. And I started to focus on the good and look forward again.
But I was very very sad, don't remember feeling this sad over much else.
I can never find meaning in the phrase, it's just a game.
Sometimes, all I feel is that I hate people.
I went off @
2:22 AM
Monday, May 25, 2009
rain, rain, go away
come again some other day
rain, rain, go away
bring my love a sunny day
I went off @
10:43 PM
come again some other day
rain, rain, go away
bring my love a sunny day
Monday, May 18, 2009
countdown time!
to storm training, 1 day
to tempest training, 3 days
to the weekend, 4 days
to jupitans game, 5 days
to the end of internship, 24 working days
to the end of internship, 4 weeks and 4 days
to my bedtime, minus a few hours
been tired the whole day.
yawnnn...
I went off @
9:41 AM
to storm training, 1 day
to tempest training, 3 days
to the weekend, 4 days
to jupitans game, 5 days
to the end of internship, 24 working days
to the end of internship, 4 weeks and 4 days
to my bedtime, minus a few hours
been tired the whole day.
yawnnn...
happy one year anniversary blog
how things have changed
and how things haven't
how things seemed so good then
and seem so good now
from slacking and ponning in special semester
to slacking and MCing in special semester
how time flies
when you're having fun
and when you're not
when you're not
are you really not?
thank you when you're being a
toilet bowl
pot of gold
bucket of tears
blanket for fears
or simply a plain old mug
you're good
cos i'm good
i created you
but you keep me going
thank you
I went off @
9:25 AM
how things have changed
and how things haven't
how things seemed so good then
and seem so good now
from slacking and ponning in special semester
to slacking and MCing in special semester
how time flies
when you're having fun
and when you're not
when you're not
are you really not?
thank you when you're being a
toilet bowl
pot of gold
bucket of tears
blanket for fears
or simply a plain old mug
you're good
cos i'm good
i created you
but you keep me going
thank you
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Wah that was an absolutely draining and boring post. I will only read it when I want to reflect or something. It has left me feeling sehh =x
I went off @
10:24 AM
It was a draw!! =(
The final score read Tempest 2 - 2 TW-P Orebro.
It was the most heart-grabbing, seat-clutching match so far in our campaign. That's what you get in close games! Especially in the dying minutes, the urgency and intensity was mindblowing. fwoah. They had a couple of chances through counters close to the end but jun really saved us BIG time on one, and their player shot wide on the other. Phew, I have to say we were really lucky to draw it, but the general atmosphere is one of the sadness of having played a bad game and blowing a good chance to win it. After all, we had beaten them 4-1 before in a friendly and definitely have it in us to take the whole 3 points. Oh well, it was a bad team display and we gotta get over it and look to improving further in the next game. Jupitans, a team I/we want to beat very very badly.
Poor sue was injured today, tripped over a ball and sprained ankle or something, ouch. I heard someone saying it swelled very badly, and she continued limping badly even with assistance =( Oh no, how to wear heels to work like that, lol. Her injury did unsettle our lines but we really should be stronger than that. This kind of excuses should not be excuses in the future. Everyone should be able to play with any teammate.
That is what Eddie was trying to tell the team, and later me when I couldn't hold an issue of mine in any longer. I told him I felt bad for playing in line one cos I don't think I'm the best choice there. Cos to me and many others, it's apparent that the soak and qiao'e partnership produces alot more goals. And I really feel bad for it. I knew that he needs to spread out the strength into all the lines, but at the expense of more goals?! Argh, so I couldn't hold it in and went to talk to him about it, I wanted to make my concerns clear. I got the answers I expected, and he even used a workplace analogy : if a company hires you, even if you don't feel good enough or understand why, they still hired you. And he said that I can distribute well when I am focused, and also the need to spread the strength between the lines. I can pre-empt all this and actually understand it, but hearing it from the man in charge stopped me from saying what I wanted to say next. I wanted to say that perhaps I somehow feel I have better chemistry with the other lines anyway, so perhaps can try playing there instead.
But yes, I realise the bottomline is, we are a team, and the bigger picture is more important than what an individual player feels. Of course, what you prefer can be taken into account, but sacrifices have to be made. Added to that, it would do me a lot of good if I could raise my self-esteem. I have the goods, I just need to wipe the dust off it to let them shine.
Easy pointers :
1. Screen the goalie. Unless the burst out will create a clear option, always screen.
2. Best option when getting the ball in mid-boards is to run down it or do simple playup. Try not to stop or pass thru middle unless there's a very clear chance to pass or turn in.
3. Work on backhand pass, make proper fast passes instead of trickles.
4. If there's no open teammate, continue to run around and shield ball behind the goal, don't make senseless pass to opponent.
5. Support in front of goal and behind goal sensibly by looking at teammates' situation more prudently.
6. Take more ownership of shooting opportunities. You can be the one to score, no need to always find that pass.
7. Help to 2-on-1 if you don't have a player to mark, stand tougher in 2-on-1s.
8. Scream/shout/bang stick louder for passes. Whatever works.
9. Be more aggressive and go in harder LAR. I'm afraid that people will turn me, but eddie already told me it's ok cos I'll be able to catch back. So please please be more aggressive and hungry, just be careful of super fast players.
Good stuff I did today? I saw the openings and heard the calls from teammates a few times, and knew where to make the nice pass. Alas, they were weak out of what, I don't know, but more focus is needed here. I controlled the ball better than before behind the goal, and also ran down the boards and made a pass to a teammate successfully. I had my stick to a rebound a minute into the game, and I totally thought it was going in but it must have hit the goalie. That missed chance kind of unsettled me and set my tone for the game =(
Haha, the irony is that I was early for the game today and had a lot of free time, so I started to unconsciously visualise stuff. Maybe that is really my downfall, haha. Just play next time? Only thought that should be floating through me should be 'I really want this'.
I went off @
8:30 AM
The final score read Tempest 2 - 2 TW-P Orebro.
It was the most heart-grabbing, seat-clutching match so far in our campaign. That's what you get in close games! Especially in the dying minutes, the urgency and intensity was mindblowing. fwoah. They had a couple of chances through counters close to the end but jun really saved us BIG time on one, and their player shot wide on the other. Phew, I have to say we were really lucky to draw it, but the general atmosphere is one of the sadness of having played a bad game and blowing a good chance to win it. After all, we had beaten them 4-1 before in a friendly and definitely have it in us to take the whole 3 points. Oh well, it was a bad team display and we gotta get over it and look to improving further in the next game. Jupitans, a team I/we want to beat very very badly.
Poor sue was injured today, tripped over a ball and sprained ankle or something, ouch. I heard someone saying it swelled very badly, and she continued limping badly even with assistance =( Oh no, how to wear heels to work like that, lol. Her injury did unsettle our lines but we really should be stronger than that. This kind of excuses should not be excuses in the future. Everyone should be able to play with any teammate.
That is what Eddie was trying to tell the team, and later me when I couldn't hold an issue of mine in any longer. I told him I felt bad for playing in line one cos I don't think I'm the best choice there. Cos to me and many others, it's apparent that the soak and qiao'e partnership produces alot more goals. And I really feel bad for it. I knew that he needs to spread out the strength into all the lines, but at the expense of more goals?! Argh, so I couldn't hold it in and went to talk to him about it, I wanted to make my concerns clear. I got the answers I expected, and he even used a workplace analogy : if a company hires you, even if you don't feel good enough or understand why, they still hired you. And he said that I can distribute well when I am focused, and also the need to spread the strength between the lines. I can pre-empt all this and actually understand it, but hearing it from the man in charge stopped me from saying what I wanted to say next. I wanted to say that perhaps I somehow feel I have better chemistry with the other lines anyway, so perhaps can try playing there instead.
But yes, I realise the bottomline is, we are a team, and the bigger picture is more important than what an individual player feels. Of course, what you prefer can be taken into account, but sacrifices have to be made. Added to that, it would do me a lot of good if I could raise my self-esteem. I have the goods, I just need to wipe the dust off it to let them shine.
Easy pointers :
1. Screen the goalie. Unless the burst out will create a clear option, always screen.
2. Best option when getting the ball in mid-boards is to run down it or do simple playup. Try not to stop or pass thru middle unless there's a very clear chance to pass or turn in.
3. Work on backhand pass, make proper fast passes instead of trickles.
4. If there's no open teammate, continue to run around and shield ball behind the goal, don't make senseless pass to opponent.
5. Support in front of goal and behind goal sensibly by looking at teammates' situation more prudently.
6. Take more ownership of shooting opportunities. You can be the one to score, no need to always find that pass.
7. Help to 2-on-1 if you don't have a player to mark, stand tougher in 2-on-1s.
8. Scream/shout/bang stick louder for passes. Whatever works.
9. Be more aggressive and go in harder LAR. I'm afraid that people will turn me, but eddie already told me it's ok cos I'll be able to catch back. So please please be more aggressive and hungry, just be careful of super fast players.
Good stuff I did today? I saw the openings and heard the calls from teammates a few times, and knew where to make the nice pass. Alas, they were weak out of what, I don't know, but more focus is needed here. I controlled the ball better than before behind the goal, and also ran down the boards and made a pass to a teammate successfully. I had my stick to a rebound a minute into the game, and I totally thought it was going in but it must have hit the goalie. That missed chance kind of unsettled me and set my tone for the game =(
Haha, the irony is that I was early for the game today and had a lot of free time, so I started to unconsciously visualise stuff. Maybe that is really my downfall, haha. Just play next time? Only thought that should be floating through me should be 'I really want this'.
Friday night was popcorn time again and I left the cinema feeling very satisfied, with both the movie and the popcorn =)
I had moderate expectations about angels and demons cos I didn't really like the da vinci code movie. Perhaps cos I didn't read da vinci code, I was very confused by the plot and distracted by tom hank's godawful hair. Well as the tabloids emphasize, he's trimmed his hair in this installment, and I loved the trimming the scripwriters made to the storyline too. It was necessary and provided for a fast-moving, cleaner plot.
I tend to concentrate on aesthetics and cinematography in movies and this one did not let me down. The scenes, colours and camera angles were to my liking and contributed to the overall experience. Oh and the number of good-lookers in the movie was overr.whelming. Tom hanks, with my neanderthal taste obviously I wouldn't find him good looking. But I liked his robert langdon - intelligent, confident, non-religious. He's a good actor definitely. Him aside, the eye candy swarmed the rest of the spaces on the huge cinema screen. The vatican police chief, the skinny blonde guy from the swiss guard, the bad guy, the random policemen and swiss guards (i swear they plucked models to fit these extra roles), EWAN McGREGOR. Good looks and charisma was firing from all corners man! Satisfied =)
Oh but it affirms how very cowardly I am, I totally turned away or closed my eyes at the violent scenes =s I thought that I would get nightmares last night, but thankfully, no =)
Haha and like I told her, meiyin is the first person who eats as much popcorn as me and is unashamed to do so. Met my match at last! Hmm or perhaps she even surpasses me, hear this : "One large popcorn enough for 2 people meh? I think very little leh, not enough'. lol.
I love going to the movies!! =)
I went off @
6:24 AM
I had moderate expectations about angels and demons cos I didn't really like the da vinci code movie. Perhaps cos I didn't read da vinci code, I was very confused by the plot and distracted by tom hank's godawful hair. Well as the tabloids emphasize, he's trimmed his hair in this installment, and I loved the trimming the scripwriters made to the storyline too. It was necessary and provided for a fast-moving, cleaner plot.
I tend to concentrate on aesthetics and cinematography in movies and this one did not let me down. The scenes, colours and camera angles were to my liking and contributed to the overall experience. Oh and the number of good-lookers in the movie was overr.whelming. Tom hanks, with my neanderthal taste obviously I wouldn't find him good looking. But I liked his robert langdon - intelligent, confident, non-religious. He's a good actor definitely. Him aside, the eye candy swarmed the rest of the spaces on the huge cinema screen. The vatican police chief, the skinny blonde guy from the swiss guard, the bad guy, the random policemen and swiss guards (i swear they plucked models to fit these extra roles), EWAN McGREGOR. Good looks and charisma was firing from all corners man! Satisfied =)
Oh but it affirms how very cowardly I am, I totally turned away or closed my eyes at the violent scenes =s I thought that I would get nightmares last night, but thankfully, no =)
Haha and like I told her, meiyin is the first person who eats as much popcorn as me and is unashamed to do so. Met my match at last! Hmm or perhaps she even surpasses me, hear this : "One large popcorn enough for 2 people meh? I think very little leh, not enough'. lol.
I love going to the movies!! =)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Training after a one-week hiatus today! Really really looking forward to it but my energy levels were abysmal. Aching legs and extreme panting after short runs, couldn't find my feet at first. Took a little psyching to get it together towards the end. All in all I'm quite happy with our playup and gameplay, made a couple of silly passes but not tooo bad =)
TGIF!!! Haha, not that TGIF this week cos I was on leave today anyway? But I have angels & demons to look forward to tonight =))) woohoo I love movies! Haha and yes I'm rather anal about where I want to watch movies. I think Shaw is an absolute no-no cos in my memory the back of the seats are not high enough for you to rest your head. GV is fine but I somehow feel that the elevation of seats in cathay are better. Don't know if it's true. I especially like watching at The Cathay cos the screens are huge and the place is new and nice.
Yay, I love fridays =)
I went off @
9:45 AM
TGIF!!! Haha, not that TGIF this week cos I was on leave today anyway? But I have angels & demons to look forward to tonight =))) woohoo I love movies! Haha and yes I'm rather anal about where I want to watch movies. I think Shaw is an absolute no-no cos in my memory the back of the seats are not high enough for you to rest your head. GV is fine but I somehow feel that the elevation of seats in cathay are better. Don't know if it's true. I especially like watching at The Cathay cos the screens are huge and the place is new and nice.
Yay, I love fridays =)
OMG please please remind me never to eat mushrooms from Marche ever again. The taste and smell of it left me feeling nauseous hours after eating it. It's been too long a time since I last went there, and I forgot how much I hate hate hate the mushrooms there. Argh =x Sick taste. I grumbled about how stupid I am, always choosing the wrong thing to eat, and wy said 'everything must try ma!' Lol that's the problem with me, try try try everything, sure tio some awful things.. Now in ice-cream flavours I tend to go back to old chocolatey favourites after trying flavour after flavour. The testing of flavours doesn't work for me! I mean, it's so small, so hard to taste, and you can't judge the effect of eating much of it.
Anyway, next time at Marche I'll just stick to the rosti and sausages and steer clear of the mushhhrooms.
Haha something new I tried last night turned out to be ok, at least. Chang beer, which only goes for $1.94 per can. Why not try? I'm hardly a beer connoisseur, but it was drinkable =)
I think from now on I'll be a little auntie and miserly, wanna make sure I have enough money to go to the land of dragon people - Vietnam! Can't wait to travel to a foreign land and soak in all the different sights and sounds it has to offer =)
Haha hmm but my passport is locked up in my parents' safe and the tyrant at home doesn't want me to go. "It's a developing country, so dangeous, later get robbed, raped, kidnapped'. Even my mum doesn't like it if I go. They're just downright ridiculously paranoid and possessive. In the past the reasons for not allowing me to go on a cruise with friends is that I shouldn't go with friends, if I want to go, I should go with parents. I shall hold back the urge to say the F word. If you wanna be that paranoid, nowhere is safe in this world, and you may as well go and die. And if you wanna be that possessive, you'll just end up driving away the very thing you seek to keep.
To be accomplished by May : get my mum to get my passport out. And nicely convince her to agree with me going.
I went off @
1:26 AM
Anyway, next time at Marche I'll just stick to the rosti and sausages and steer clear of the mushhhrooms.
Haha something new I tried last night turned out to be ok, at least. Chang beer, which only goes for $1.94 per can. Why not try? I'm hardly a beer connoisseur, but it was drinkable =)
I think from now on I'll be a little auntie and miserly, wanna make sure I have enough money to go to the land of dragon people - Vietnam! Can't wait to travel to a foreign land and soak in all the different sights and sounds it has to offer =)
Haha hmm but my passport is locked up in my parents' safe and the tyrant at home doesn't want me to go. "It's a developing country, so dangeous, later get robbed, raped, kidnapped'. Even my mum doesn't like it if I go. They're just downright ridiculously paranoid and possessive. In the past the reasons for not allowing me to go on a cruise with friends is that I shouldn't go with friends, if I want to go, I should go with parents. I shall hold back the urge to say the F word. If you wanna be that paranoid, nowhere is safe in this world, and you may as well go and die. And if you wanna be that possessive, you'll just end up driving away the very thing you seek to keep.
To be accomplished by May : get my mum to get my passport out. And nicely convince her to agree with me going.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I shouldn't have been so quick to note that my moods have been too mild to blog these few days.
The sounds of dog barking, vacuum cleaner, metal gates dropping and shouting meshed into one as I stepped into my house. And right away I was nagged at about how my brother was the one who wanted the dog and yet doesn't look after it, how dirty the dog is, and a constant torrent of how much he hates doing housework continued as I scrambled to change out of my clothes and escape out for a jog.
The jog was a good one, first one in a long time =)
Dinner was an alright affair, but the moment I came onto the computer is where the problems began. He heard me playing a game and scooted over to scold me about the boxes again. It's an endless discussion, there simply is not enough space in my house and we can't stack too high up cos the boxes are soft. He plans to make my mum bring back harder boxes so he can stack them how fucking high he wants. Well now those hard boxes in his goddamn plan are not here yet, but in the meantime oh just scold her while you wait why don't you! It's not my fucking fault that the storeroom has no space and the kiddie furniture in my room can't accommodate more things isn't it?
Now the nagging has died down, only after my mum shouted back at him. If not, he was nagging non-stop for at least half an hour about how he has to do housework. And before that, he was scolding me about it. I remembered not to argue my point that I did do it anymore, smartly. I know it will be of no use at all except fuel more scolding. He said that girls need to do housework for their own good, for their future marriage. It's so ridiculous to me that I do not get angry anymore, I just snort in laughter and leave it at that. Cos the bottomline - that I do the housework, he totally ignores.
It's becoming a joke, and maybe it is better this way. May my ramblings serve as a reminder not to argue, not to reason, and never to raise my voice. Just say 'yes', 'ah', 'sorry'. Haha, and I was telling him, not asking, telling, that I wanted to go live in hall for a day or two. And guess what? 'NO.. why don't stay at home, now you shift home already stay at home' Hahaha, what the fuck right, I'm fucking 22 and you still want to control where I go. In the end I had to resort to the excuse that I wanted to check out if 'my friend's room was liveable so I can stay after late training next time'. It's not that I like to lie, I have no choice but to resort to it cos reasonable argument doesn't work.
Fucking hell I hate this. He says he hates living with his kids and can't wait for the day we shift out. It'll be my fucking pleasure the moment I have enough money, sir.
I went off @
6:51 AM
The sounds of dog barking, vacuum cleaner, metal gates dropping and shouting meshed into one as I stepped into my house. And right away I was nagged at about how my brother was the one who wanted the dog and yet doesn't look after it, how dirty the dog is, and a constant torrent of how much he hates doing housework continued as I scrambled to change out of my clothes and escape out for a jog.
The jog was a good one, first one in a long time =)
Dinner was an alright affair, but the moment I came onto the computer is where the problems began. He heard me playing a game and scooted over to scold me about the boxes again. It's an endless discussion, there simply is not enough space in my house and we can't stack too high up cos the boxes are soft. He plans to make my mum bring back harder boxes so he can stack them how fucking high he wants. Well now those hard boxes in his goddamn plan are not here yet, but in the meantime oh just scold her while you wait why don't you! It's not my fucking fault that the storeroom has no space and the kiddie furniture in my room can't accommodate more things isn't it?
Now the nagging has died down, only after my mum shouted back at him. If not, he was nagging non-stop for at least half an hour about how he has to do housework. And before that, he was scolding me about it. I remembered not to argue my point that I did do it anymore, smartly. I know it will be of no use at all except fuel more scolding. He said that girls need to do housework for their own good, for their future marriage. It's so ridiculous to me that I do not get angry anymore, I just snort in laughter and leave it at that. Cos the bottomline - that I do the housework, he totally ignores.
It's becoming a joke, and maybe it is better this way. May my ramblings serve as a reminder not to argue, not to reason, and never to raise my voice. Just say 'yes', 'ah', 'sorry'. Haha, and I was telling him, not asking, telling, that I wanted to go live in hall for a day or two. And guess what? 'NO.. why don't stay at home, now you shift home already stay at home' Hahaha, what the fuck right, I'm fucking 22 and you still want to control where I go. In the end I had to resort to the excuse that I wanted to check out if 'my friend's room was liveable so I can stay after late training next time'. It's not that I like to lie, I have no choice but to resort to it cos reasonable argument doesn't work.
Fucking hell I hate this. He says he hates living with his kids and can't wait for the day we shift out. It'll be my fucking pleasure the moment I have enough money, sir.
I couldn't put my thoughts into words for the past few days. It's a good and bad thing. It means I'm not sad enough (+), not angry enough (+), also not happy enough (-), not excited enough (-).
It's good that I am sad but not too sad. But this also means my life is a bore.
I hope that I'm really going mambo tomorrow, and I'm really itching to play floorball. One weekend without a game or training is inducing withdrawal symptoms already!
*scratch scratch scratch*
18 weeks down : 5 weeks and 3 days to go
000000000000000000111111
I went off @
2:28 AM
It's good that I am sad but not too sad. But this also means my life is a bore.
I hope that I'm really going mambo tomorrow, and I'm really itching to play floorball. One weekend without a game or training is inducing withdrawal symptoms already!
*scratch scratch scratch*
18 weeks down : 5 weeks and 3 days to go
000000000000000000111111
Saturday, May 9, 2009
When will it be my turn.
I went off @
9:55 AM
I don't think anyone can comprehend this mental torture. Getting scolded every single day as if I'm naughty, bad, or downright criminalistic. Getting into arguments that make me lose my cool, that elicit the worst response that I can, that makes me say and do things I don't want to.
The worst part is it does not seem that bad from an outside point of view. People normally comment that wow how can you say 'until like that'. It doesn't seem that bad cos there's no direct physical violence involves nowadays. But well just last week the newspaper I was reading got slashed in two by a cloth. Imagine how much force that would have needed and the sound it made. And today even my mum wants to nag and scream. Not directly at me, it's nagging about him, but hearing shouting is downright unpleasant and heartbreaking.
It doesn't seem that bad cos well 'every family has problems'. Maybe I have been too pampered by myself when I whisk myself away to the comforting arms of hall. Maybe it's because of that reason, that I am not used to this now. But why should I get used to this?
I do not deserve to get scolded every day. His favorite topic is how he doesn't see me doing the housework. For the record, I helped with the washing of clothes and mopped the floor thoroughly today. But if you think that that will solve the problems, that's where you'll be mistaken.
I can get scolded for saying I do not want to eat peanut butter in the morning cos it makes me nauseous. Some can say oh he's so nice to want to prepare for you. But it is a crime to not like some food? That little conversation and subsequent argument of not wanting to have peanut butter left my heart raging and temperature boiling when I left the cab. It's maddening and sickening.
I'm gonna shift out as soon as I can.
I am softened very easily and am aware there are good times and there is love. But it doesn't cancel out the stress and unhappiness. Sometimes, relationships can improve if you don't see so much of each other and not live together. And sometimes, one must do what is best for oneself.
I went off @
4:18 AM
The worst part is it does not seem that bad from an outside point of view. People normally comment that wow how can you say 'until like that'. It doesn't seem that bad cos there's no direct physical violence involves nowadays. But well just last week the newspaper I was reading got slashed in two by a cloth. Imagine how much force that would have needed and the sound it made. And today even my mum wants to nag and scream. Not directly at me, it's nagging about him, but hearing shouting is downright unpleasant and heartbreaking.
It doesn't seem that bad cos well 'every family has problems'. Maybe I have been too pampered by myself when I whisk myself away to the comforting arms of hall. Maybe it's because of that reason, that I am not used to this now. But why should I get used to this?
I do not deserve to get scolded every day. His favorite topic is how he doesn't see me doing the housework. For the record, I helped with the washing of clothes and mopped the floor thoroughly today. But if you think that that will solve the problems, that's where you'll be mistaken.
I can get scolded for saying I do not want to eat peanut butter in the morning cos it makes me nauseous. Some can say oh he's so nice to want to prepare for you. But it is a crime to not like some food? That little conversation and subsequent argument of not wanting to have peanut butter left my heart raging and temperature boiling when I left the cab. It's maddening and sickening.
I'm gonna shift out as soon as I can.
I am softened very easily and am aware there are good times and there is love. But it doesn't cancel out the stress and unhappiness. Sometimes, relationships can improve if you don't see so much of each other and not live together. And sometimes, one must do what is best for oneself.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I walked past a tempting plot of land and dug a grave.
Again.
Dig and fill and dig and fill.
When will this ever end.
A gust of wind traveled through time, moisting my eyes.
More than ever.
I must avoid walking through.
Agony.
Must stop.
Just walk out and walk on.
Please.
=(
I went off @
10:47 AM
Again.
Dig and fill and dig and fill.
When will this ever end.
A gust of wind traveled through time, moisting my eyes.
More than ever.
I must avoid walking through.
Agony.
Must stop.
Just walk out and walk on.
Please.
=(
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Why do some people like to cut queues? Just to save that extra few minutes, or are they so underachieving and oppressed that getting one over the person in front of them makes them feel good? They are rude and farked up that's for sure, I just don't understand why exactly must they do it.
Some stupid fat man tried to cut my queue by shuffing his purchase to the cashier from the other side, too bad for him the cashier just asked him to queue up, and instead of two people the queue had expanded to four people. Serves him right! And during lunchtime an auntie tried to cut my queue to take yong tau foo. I was waiting for the lady in front of me to move, but no, auntie cannot wait, she had to stretch her elastihand deep in to take tongs and try to kiap things in between us. Honestly!
Thru PI, I've learned that about 1 out of 5 people working in a department will be unsatisfactory. But they are not fired due to a multitude of reasons like face (mian zi), familiarity, connections, skill in genging. I've been reduced to a newspaper girl cos corporatecomm~ is happily taking the opportunity to not be around in the morning. Temperature screener today and doctor's appointment tomorrow. She said it herself: I prefer to not be around in morning, then don't need to do the newspaper cutting and filing. Though touching newspapers for prolonged periods does cause me headache, I would be willing to do it if necessary. But it's not. It's doing the job of someone who slacks off the ONLY thing she does in office. If she doesn't do this, she really doesn't do much else. That's why I feel misused.
Haha ok that was yesterday, I blogged last night but was too tired to carry on the complaints.
Today, yes the chaogeng queen is not here, in fact, she took a full day MC already. It was a bad bad morning! MyPaper and TODAY weren't delivered, and I had to plough through the snailish websites to read the news, the scanner is spoilt and cg queen didn't report it yesterday, and didn't feel well cos of acid reflux all morning.
But spirits are up now =) My supervisor told me midway thru the morning of a change in the temperature screening schedule. I only have to do it once more after all =) Yes, it's a very bad time to be working in a health organisation now. Last thursday, without any briefing, I was on duty as a frontline temperature screener. Donned too-tight gloves which restricted the palms and made them sweat, stupid facemask that engulfs your face in your own breath, and yellow scrub suit. And you poke the thermometer into people's ears and say 'thank you, thank you, oh thank you so much for the trouble'. So YES! Only have to do it once more rather than THRICE =)
And I had a very satisfactory lunch, Bak Chor Mee from Tiong Bahru Market. Step aside Can A and NIE bcm, this is the real thing. I've always felt the ones in school were overrated, find the noodles especially sticky and portions ungenerous. And the one at extension is also sticky and makes you choose between fishball and minced meat, and charge exorbitantly if you want both! So yup, this is 2.50 with both fishballs and meat (both especially nice), springy noodles and shiok chilli =) And i bought tau huay for tea/dinner. Contented!
That said, I should be contented enough to go work on my APRIL logbook now. lol.
Have storm training in the sacred NTU courts to look forward to today =)
I went off @
6:57 AM
Some stupid fat man tried to cut my queue by shuffing his purchase to the cashier from the other side, too bad for him the cashier just asked him to queue up, and instead of two people the queue had expanded to four people. Serves him right! And during lunchtime an auntie tried to cut my queue to take yong tau foo. I was waiting for the lady in front of me to move, but no, auntie cannot wait, she had to stretch her elastihand deep in to take tongs and try to kiap things in between us. Honestly!
Thru PI, I've learned that about 1 out of 5 people working in a department will be unsatisfactory. But they are not fired due to a multitude of reasons like face (mian zi), familiarity, connections, skill in genging. I've been reduced to a newspaper girl cos corporatecomm~ is happily taking the opportunity to not be around in the morning. Temperature screener today and doctor's appointment tomorrow. She said it herself: I prefer to not be around in morning, then don't need to do the newspaper cutting and filing. Though touching newspapers for prolonged periods does cause me headache, I would be willing to do it if necessary. But it's not. It's doing the job of someone who slacks off the ONLY thing she does in office. If she doesn't do this, she really doesn't do much else. That's why I feel misused.
Haha ok that was yesterday, I blogged last night but was too tired to carry on the complaints.
Today, yes the chaogeng queen is not here, in fact, she took a full day MC already. It was a bad bad morning! MyPaper and TODAY weren't delivered, and I had to plough through the snailish websites to read the news, the scanner is spoilt and cg queen didn't report it yesterday, and didn't feel well cos of acid reflux all morning.
But spirits are up now =) My supervisor told me midway thru the morning of a change in the temperature screening schedule. I only have to do it once more after all =) Yes, it's a very bad time to be working in a health organisation now. Last thursday, without any briefing, I was on duty as a frontline temperature screener. Donned too-tight gloves which restricted the palms and made them sweat, stupid facemask that engulfs your face in your own breath, and yellow scrub suit. And you poke the thermometer into people's ears and say 'thank you, thank you, oh thank you so much for the trouble'. So YES! Only have to do it once more rather than THRICE =)
And I had a very satisfactory lunch, Bak Chor Mee from Tiong Bahru Market. Step aside Can A and NIE bcm, this is the real thing. I've always felt the ones in school were overrated, find the noodles especially sticky and portions ungenerous. And the one at extension is also sticky and makes you choose between fishball and minced meat, and charge exorbitantly if you want both! So yup, this is 2.50 with both fishballs and meat (both especially nice), springy noodles and shiok chilli =) And i bought tau huay for tea/dinner. Contented!
That said, I should be contented enough to go work on my APRIL logbook now. lol.
Have storm training in the sacred NTU courts to look forward to today =)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Speaking about the hall-home issue to feidiao, I am positively EMO about it now. It sucks to stay at home. I hope alex doesn't have a random roommate so I can escape there from time to time!
Sad =(((
Cannot get drunk, cannot stay out late, cannot sleep late, cannot spend my weekend in peace.
I want my life back. I don't care how wrong I am, I only live once.
High pressure situation cos of the boxes I brought back. Storeroom is full with notmystuff, and my boxes are piled in my miniature room with only half a metre of walking space. Getting flak everyday for that. Everyday.
Maybe I really should have shifted to another hall this holidays =(
I went off @
9:24 AM
Sad =(((
Cannot get drunk, cannot stay out late, cannot sleep late, cannot spend my weekend in peace.
I want my life back. I don't care how wrong I am, I only live once.
High pressure situation cos of the boxes I brought back. Storeroom is full with notmystuff, and my boxes are piled in my miniature room with only half a metre of walking space. Getting flak everyday for that. Everyday.
Maybe I really should have shifted to another hall this holidays =(
Our third game of the season, we lost 12-2 to owls.
It was a good game for me cos I definitely played better than the sloppy shit against ssg. I had more chances in this game despite the tougher opponents and managed to score a rebound from ayeen's shot! Yayy I knew that would happen eventually right ayeen! You would get it on target and I could get the rebound. I like playing with the 'malay' line.. haha.
I did let in a goal. Was 50-50ing with a player around mid-court and she beat me cos she's super fast, so siti left her player and covered her for me. And she smartly passed to the free player which I could not come back in time to block with my body. Very sharp angle from the corner, but she managed to score. Zai, what can I say! I tried my best to run back and cover, so don't feel that bad about it.
Haha and I think the non-psyching and just having enough rest and not eating too much before games really works for me. I had alot more energy today, coupled with non-slippery shoes, the running improved =)
Still, I am sad for the team. For the silly non-blocking of the turn and shoot goals, for the letting the person you are marking run past you, for the pushing up too high and leaving our goalies one on one with super sharpshooters. I personally can do much better with the running into space and supporting.
Girls, I think we are better than that. I really admire the fighting spirit, stamina and composure of the senior players. Truth be told, our trainings didn't really tackle the above problems enough. I hope we can focus more on those in the future and hone them, and we will definitely do better than this in our games to come.
p.s. on a sidenote, I watched harry potter after the game and that's probably why I have this imagery : a weak wind is blowing, and a group of owls in a neat formation is flying resolutely against it, strong enough not to be blown off-course. And it's making me laugh, lol.
I went off @
8:10 AM
It was a good game for me cos I definitely played better than the sloppy shit against ssg. I had more chances in this game despite the tougher opponents and managed to score a rebound from ayeen's shot! Yayy I knew that would happen eventually right ayeen! You would get it on target and I could get the rebound. I like playing with the 'malay' line.. haha.
I did let in a goal. Was 50-50ing with a player around mid-court and she beat me cos she's super fast, so siti left her player and covered her for me. And she smartly passed to the free player which I could not come back in time to block with my body. Very sharp angle from the corner, but she managed to score. Zai, what can I say! I tried my best to run back and cover, so don't feel that bad about it.
Haha and I think the non-psyching and just having enough rest and not eating too much before games really works for me. I had alot more energy today, coupled with non-slippery shoes, the running improved =)
Still, I am sad for the team. For the silly non-blocking of the turn and shoot goals, for the letting the person you are marking run past you, for the pushing up too high and leaving our goalies one on one with super sharpshooters. I personally can do much better with the running into space and supporting.
Girls, I think we are better than that. I really admire the fighting spirit, stamina and composure of the senior players. Truth be told, our trainings didn't really tackle the above problems enough. I hope we can focus more on those in the future and hone them, and we will definitely do better than this in our games to come.
p.s. on a sidenote, I watched harry potter after the game and that's probably why I have this imagery : a weak wind is blowing, and a group of owls in a neat formation is flying resolutely against it, strong enough not to be blown off-course. And it's making me laugh, lol.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
'The result does not matter, what matters is everyone played their best'
Was very touched when a teammate said that to me. I shall go out fighting with that in mind later =)
May the thunderstorm be a sign of good things to come for tempest!
I went off @
11:48 AM
Was very touched when a teammate said that to me. I shall go out fighting with that in mind later =)
May the thunderstorm be a sign of good things to come for tempest!
I heard a few doors slam in the distance and with that the midnight storm heralded her grand entrance. A long day of baking in the sun ended up in strong chilly winds, incessant booming thunder and big fat raindrops. I love moments like these, they momentarily make me feel like I'm whisked away to a temperate fantasy =)
I went off @
6:51 AM
Friday, May 1, 2009
This is not a happy night.
I'm sad.
Shit this swine.
Sometimes there is no bright side.
And all you can do is polish the dark side till it shines again.
It takes time and hurts like hell.
But your muscles will grow stronger.
Be strong.
I went off @
1:01 PM
I'm sad.
Shit this swine.
Sometimes there is no bright side.
And all you can do is polish the dark side till it shines again.
It takes time and hurts like hell.
But your muscles will grow stronger.
Be strong.
this is why
It's my first week of really shifting home after 3 years out. And if you have ever asked me why I don't like going home, laughed at me, and hear me say 'i just don't like it, my dad nags all the time', this is a full update why.
It's an understatement to say he nags, he accuses. The main content of his talking is how he has to work everyday and still do housework, then he accuses you of not doing it. I've learned the lesson of not trying to tell him that 'hey i did stuff when you were not around' cos he'll just lambast whatever you said and go on scolding. And when you get lambasted, you'll get worked up and insist that you did, after which he would ignore and say its bullshit again. Thereafter you'd have to hear insults that he hates you and your brother, he hates kids, and he wishes he'd never had kids.
By the way, all the above took place in two 5 minute journeys in the morning.
At night, you'll have to endure long fights over how the laptop should be turned off even if you leave it for 10 minutes. You hide in your room though you wouldn't mind watching tv with your mum, cos every minute you sit outside, there'll be something to scold you about. You would notice that there's not much content there is to scold about, so the same topics repeat themselves day after day. My mum and brother have developed immunity, but I have lost it over the 3 years.
Nothing you do is ever good enough. My mum is a living testimony of that. She looks after the home well and is far from lazy, but he never fails to find something to nag at her about. I used to be vigilant about the housework before I left for hall, taking care of the floor, clothes. But to him it's not good enough. And since then I've rebelled. I do not do too much unless my mum asked me to.
The only vaccine against this is not to argue, even if you are right, because you will never win. It gets worse if you are right, you'll end up in an even angrier argument cos you got accused. This is something I always forget.
The best remedy is to avoid, and if you can't, just remember to shut your mouth and listen.
The worst part is that my mum and brother have to take all this crap while I am safely away in hall. I should be a better person and help more with the housework for the sake of my mum, and ignore all the accusations he will give after that.
This is still home. Though I get very heated in the midst of accusations, I do cool down after a while cos this is still my family. My mum is very nice and showers me with a lot of love, and I wish I knew how to improve things.
Please try not to laugh at me when I say I don't like to go home. Though I laugh along, it gets to me sometimes.
I went off @
5:14 AM
It's an understatement to say he nags, he accuses. The main content of his talking is how he has to work everyday and still do housework, then he accuses you of not doing it. I've learned the lesson of not trying to tell him that 'hey i did stuff when you were not around' cos he'll just lambast whatever you said and go on scolding. And when you get lambasted, you'll get worked up and insist that you did, after which he would ignore and say its bullshit again. Thereafter you'd have to hear insults that he hates you and your brother, he hates kids, and he wishes he'd never had kids.
By the way, all the above took place in two 5 minute journeys in the morning.
At night, you'll have to endure long fights over how the laptop should be turned off even if you leave it for 10 minutes. You hide in your room though you wouldn't mind watching tv with your mum, cos every minute you sit outside, there'll be something to scold you about. You would notice that there's not much content there is to scold about, so the same topics repeat themselves day after day. My mum and brother have developed immunity, but I have lost it over the 3 years.
Nothing you do is ever good enough. My mum is a living testimony of that. She looks after the home well and is far from lazy, but he never fails to find something to nag at her about. I used to be vigilant about the housework before I left for hall, taking care of the floor, clothes. But to him it's not good enough. And since then I've rebelled. I do not do too much unless my mum asked me to.
The only vaccine against this is not to argue, even if you are right, because you will never win. It gets worse if you are right, you'll end up in an even angrier argument cos you got accused. This is something I always forget.
The best remedy is to avoid, and if you can't, just remember to shut your mouth and listen.
The worst part is that my mum and brother have to take all this crap while I am safely away in hall. I should be a better person and help more with the housework for the sake of my mum, and ignore all the accusations he will give after that.
This is still home. Though I get very heated in the midst of accusations, I do cool down after a while cos this is still my family. My mum is very nice and showers me with a lot of love, and I wish I knew how to improve things.
Please try not to laugh at me when I say I don't like to go home. Though I laugh along, it gets to me sometimes.