I've always known that I tend to blog when I'm sad rather than happy. Perplexed rather than carefree. I'm already very much cheered up at this moment :) But the afternoon was when my stupid temper reared its ugly head AGAIN. I hate it, I really really hate it. Whatever excuses I can come up for it - hormonal changes, seeing family violence from young (literally, throwing things around, things much larger and more breakable than a floorball stick), 'it's in the genes'... they don't adequately resolve the fact that it's my fault that I'm so ill-disciplined. Others could also have the same excuses as me, but somehow they can control theirs. I really hate myself for doing this, cos it inflicts pain and embarrassment not only to me, but to friends and people around me. What can I do to make sure I don't vent my anger in violent ways? I'm worried I'd become a parent who beats her kids uncontrollably, I'm worried I'll come home from work everyday and shout at my family cos I'm in a bad mood.

How do I remind myself, everyday for the rest of my life, that tempers must never be allowed to run free again. Whatever the reason. I normally throw my temper when I feel that things have been unfair, it stems from the same low self-esteem problem; the feeling that people don't like me thus they treat me unfairly. Even if it is true, there is absolutely no reason to ever throw your temper with regards to people you love. I mean if you are being victimized by strangers that's a different story.

What must I do to curb this problem? Does something really bad have to happen to me, do I have to lose something, before I can change? Maybe I already have. It's not a very positive thought though, to change only because I'm afraid of losing things. I must change because if so many other people can do it, so can I, and no one I love deserves to have such mental violence inflicted on them, in direct or indirect ways.

The painting of my life is in my hands. Though some of it was already painted before I was born, though my childhood severely smudged the picture, it's up to the grown-up me to add in the rainbows and remove the lurking shadows, to do the best I can to transform it into a artwork I'd be proud of.

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Well I had three days of fun and happiness before the silly shit on sunday.

Thursday - We finished my fyp report, totally, at last :) We printed it on wednesday but only noticed some glaring mistakes on thursday morning. So there was a panicked last minute rush to print and queue up at the photocopy shop to re-bind. Nothing short of a heart-thumping fest to end off this arduous road. Went to jp kuishin bo for a mini celebration after that. Was supposed to have german lesson and I even brought out all my heavy textbooks for it, then my fyp prof asked us to 'go celebrate like now! just skip lesson as long as it's not mine!' Haha I was already very tempted to skip, and the moment she said it I knew there was no way back :p Still don't really find the one hour rush at kuishin bo a good dining experience. But it was our 'victory' lunch so still enjoyable :) yum cha dim sum buffet to come after the presentation in april :)

Friday - I know it was good but at the top of my head I couldn't remember what I did. So I tried to remember backwards, and I realised that I only woke up in the afternoon, hence the lack of daytime activity haha. Slacked a little in the afternoon then off to dinner at can 2 with eunice. Hadn't had the chicken chop there for quite some time, and omg still find it so nice! Then I tried to bend her blade for her and show her how to do the most basic airhook. Quite a success, only to find out from jh later that our blades are not bent enough haha. Felt bad, but at least it'll be easier when we get it bent properly!

Saturday - Woke up super duper early (7 on a saturday!?) for the runroundntu thing. We were rather sian about it for some time but decided that it could be fun. And of course it turned out so :) Primarily because of the services of my best friend the iphone cam. Camwhored and camwhored, made people pose for me, caught really once in a lifetime moments. I think I'm cultivating a really intuitive understanding with my iphone cam :) The blue sky was simply splendid that morning, so blue and clear that by looking at it you would feel that life's good and the world's a beautiful place. All in all I wouldn't have missed saturday morning for the world, loved it. Haha and also inducted may lim into the letstryairhook club, our symbol is a halfball :D Floorball on the rooftop is just amazing :)

Sunday - Today, the ithrewmytemper day. Besides that, 3 on 3 is always fun, and we rather unexpectedly made it to second place! Team captain planet! Tingyi - dependable zai kia, Jiehong - the person I want in my team cos it's so scary to play against him, May Lim - mvp in semis la haha, scored the only goal! And myself, tend to make stupid suay mistakes but also blocked a lot of shots la :) Prize was $150 ntuc voucher, not bad. I can buy groceries that I wanted but didn't want to spend on now :)