Have you ever opened the dressing of a wound, knowing it would hurt, knowing the blood would flow, and all the headway you had made in healing is compromised again?

That's exactly what I did.

Sometimes I think people simply have a perverse need to cause themselves pain, or perhaps they were hopeful that opening up the dressing could lead to a cure and some unexpected good fortune. Whatever the reasons, most of the times a combination of everything, it's killing me again. My wounds are rotting, my insides are turning to mush, I feel a great, great need to cry all my heart out but I've to go to a test in 15 minutes so I guess my tears will have to wait a couple of hours. I am so terribly sad right now, but still I managed to read through the slides of my test, and I applaud myself for that. I somehow managed to momentarily ignore the stabbing pains and engage in some reading, I managed to conduct myself in a few instances of stellar acting, I looked at the positives. At a darker period, I simply would not have been able to bring myself to do anything at all, and just moan, weep, give up all my studies like nothing mattered. I wondered when the defences around my heart would come crashing down again, and now it has, fallen from grace and smashed to pieces.

Because of my foolishness, I may be sad and bitter and it'll take alot of effort to pull myself together again, but right now, I really wanna be a better version of myself that I can be. I owe it to myself to, and myself owes it to my love for you.



hope doesn't mean anything
sometimes its all you have
and sometimes its all you need