I can't decide if its a privilege or a burden. I know I wouldn't be able to get by without it, but with it comes a whole new set of responsiblities. Things that I need to bear the weight of and am not allowed to dissipate. Things that hurt me but I can't let anyone see those wounds. I try not to think and I try not to care, but as the rain pours down tonight, I can see everything there is in a darkened room.

We have no right to judge why others do the things that they do, for there is no guarantee we wouldn't do the same if we were put in exactly the same situation. There are no good and bad people, only circumstances and appearances. And well it's interesting to find out more about others' personalities, why they are the way they are, and what lies beneath the surface. Fun to slowly find out more and let your initial judgments undergo sort of a moderation.

The teacher in JC who introduced the cohort to literature said that 'if you like thinking about why people do the things they do, this subject is for you'. I was hooked by that sentence and never looked back. Though I was an ultimate slacker and black sheep in JC, it didn't hurt my self esteem, instead it built it. That same literature teacher cornered me in the concourse one day and said 'i know you doodle all the time in my class, but i know you're a thinker'. Another one of the lit teachers just allowed students to skip his classes, saying that if you sleep or talk then you'd better not come. And I just skipped all the science lectures cos there was no attendance taken. It's this freedom and my taking advantage of it that led to my confidence but probably also complacence and laziness. I miss the JC days not because I had a damn good time or anything like that. But I had true friends, and I liked training for softball, and I just liked the whole aura of being in that place, and hell the uniform was nice haha. It was a darn good remedy, an amazingly magical potion for the damage my secondary school did to me. And all of a sudden I feel so indebted and lucky to have been from VJ.

It's Street Challenge day tomorrow and for all the mahjong that I rejected, for all the claims of needing to sleep more, I managed to mope around in front of my computer doing nothing of substance till its three in the morning. It's like I can do nothing except think and write and think and write. Meiyin you're so right, neighbour-telepathy. Should really scoot off and try to sleep soon.

Before I go, thank you so much wanying for talking to me on msn that day when it appeared that I was very down. I was, and thank you for caring, you made me miss you alot alot that day. Live up your expat life haha, bring back some kickass muscles from gymming over there and help me beat up those people who offend me ok. haha!