I'm pretty sad right now, cos of things that are not directly hurting me, but hurting someone else. And things which I automatically think too much about and get even sadder over.

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On the other hand, I am very much more heartened about fyp after meeting with our prof today :) She's just such an amazing thinker and teacher, after looking at her pictorial representation of theories and discussing over with her, I feel so much more positive about the theories. And also so much more confident that I can think of original and creative ideas. It was a classic case of 'if you want to be an inspiration, you gotta be a damn good thing yourself'. It may seem like common sense but what she said today really put this in the spotlight. She told us that we can do things if we believed in ourselves, and what's hampering success is only disbelief and inconfidence. "If you think you can do it, then you can do it." It's like she could read my thoughts. It may sound like a cliched saying, but coming from her, I really felt like it was sincere and sensible. She said in a very possible way that if we worked hard on it, we could even get to present our paper at an overseas conference. That's a great big motivation!

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Today, I found out that the backs of heads can look ever so ugly. I sat behind three wolves at an event today, and the look of their hair and heads gave me such horrible goosebumps that I was hit by this feeling. I felt empowered by the fact that their rotten personas could actually be seen by my all-seeing eye. Not just in their eyes and in their smirks, but just by the back of their heads. I sincerely wonder if these wolves in human clothing do know what they are doing is wrong, do they even know about the concept of karma? I sure know. My lips mysteriously had white sores and became chaffed and bloody for more than one week cos I kept disturbing charm and imitating how she likes to bite her lower lip LOL. So yeah that's my latest personal encounter with tit-for-tat.

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To anyone who feels that life has been unfair, who feels shortchanged, who feels so anguished by circumstances that you really feel like just ending it all... I implore you to be patient. The dark clouds WILL clear one day. It's hard, if not impossible to see the light, cos the clouds are stacked too high, and there simply is no light. But hey, as you know from living your thousands of days on this earth, the sky does clear eventually. As we live day to day, every next day waiting for the light seems like forever. In perspective, every day feels like a day in hell. But if we are pure and sincere of heart, there is no reason why the sun will not shine on us one day.

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I know it's not good news when I start to search for letters. I know it's bad when I think of these before I go to bed, and when I wake up. I know it's time to search for more letters.

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Control, not just actions, but thoughts and hopefully also feelings.