Reading up on mental illness now.. and really wondering if I'm suffering from depression. If I am, then at least my brain can share the blame of how big a failure I am. How incredibly fucked up my personality is. How I just can't be happy. How I just cannot stand a lot of people and things around me. I feel like a loser for feeling this way. How I wish I can blame it on my brain.

From http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=2947

"The signs and symptoms of depression include loss of interest in activities that were once interesting or enjoyable, including sex; loss of appetite (anorexia) with weight loss or overeating with weight gain; loss of emotional expression (flat affect); a persistently sad, anxious or empty mood; feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness; social withdrawal; unusual fatigue, low energy level, a feeling of being slowed down; sleep disturbance with insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping; trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions; unusual restlessness or irritability; persistent physical problems such as headaches, digestive disorders, or chronic pain that do not respond to treatment; thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts. Alcohol or drug abuse may be signs of depression."

Hahaha.. I have those symptoms that can be attributed to plain laziness and greediness, like eating and sleeping too much. And sad all the time, how do I know if I am just being an asshole...