Five a.m. on a cold, windy Monday morning. Someone with a troubled mind stands solitary on the staircase landing, looking out at the stillness around. She feels more than she looks. The wind is frankly chilling, but also exhilarating. It's exciting, to feel so free, so accepting of the cold hard winds. Troubled, but also in control, deep in thought. There were more than a few times that this was an abode for a thoroughly broken heart. Times when something from under was sincerely calling at her to come down. When she felt so powerless that she imagined that something could uproot her from the tiles and send her flying down. Now she feels that she's in control. There is no sneaky something that can pick her off the ground. She's in control of her entire life, what she can achieve, is up to her. If she doesn't live up to her potential, she controlled it. If she wants something, despite her handicaps, she is in control of how far she can go. But there is something she can't control.

What attracts you to someone? Looks, the way a person talks, the things a person likes, the things a person can do, the things a person can talk about, the person's perceived intelligence, the person's perceived romantic and caring characteristics...

She can't control who she is attracted to. And she's always been swimming against the current when trying to escape from these impossibly colorful ships.

Every single time, she thinks its better to have loved and not receive and get hurt, than to not love at all...