Dear teammates,

I'm sorry for the outburst just now. I know sorry doesn't mean much, and bad sportsmanship has no excuse. Just wanna thank you girls for being so caring and supportive towards me. Things like bad temper, undoubtedly has been many years in the making and is hard to change. But with such nice and positive teammates, it's a great help. I'll definitely aim to be as sporting n mature as u girls. THANKS.

This is the email I sent to my tempest teammates for the utterly ugly behavior at the match just now. Sadly, I simply couldn't control my horrible temper. Felt outraged at firstly, spraining an ankle due to rough play, referee not penalising her, not blowing for timeout though it really hurt to get up, and then blowing for timeout when another time, their player stayed on the ground.

But of course, no reason is good enough reason to throw one's temper. That's something that I really need to learn from the seniors, their professionalism. Skills wise we all gotta admit that some of them are past their peak, and on a whole the team's skills can be sorely lacking. I visibly cringed at a lot of movements and mistakes and mis-passes when I was out. Can't help but think I could have made a difference if I didn't get injured. After all, my line conceded that goal when I was out. I forcibly re-entered the game in the third period, didn't do too well. Couldn't control passes quick enough and not calm enough... Took a second to receive a superb pass, and BAM the goalie saved my shot, if I made direct shot and that would be a goal =( Took a second to make a pass to sue in a good position and BAM not nice position anymore, player on her. HAUNTING ME. Two good chances to change the game and WASTED. High on self-blame right now. But well, trust me, I don't think we really would deserve a win, face it, we didn't play that well and our skills are XXXXX.

Blame ---> Lessons

1. Don't throw temper, you never have the right to
2. Take direct shot
3. Make nicer passes
4. More aggressive in making the ball mine

Still, my teammates have my utmost respect for their fighting spirit and good attitude. Mentally weak some of us are, but they never once threw their temper, stick or water bottles, unlike me. I am really ashamed of myself. I can't promise I will change, cos I don't know HOW. When you saw your father throw furniture around when you were young, resort to violence to solve problems... as a young kid, it would somehow get ingrained, that you can follow suit, that it works. Or the fiery temper could be in my genes, the short fuse and outrageous behavior programmed into my DNA. Nature or nurture, it's my responsibility to get over this stupidity. Why ever the reason, it is in my hands to change my life. Throwing one's temper hurts those around me and it's not fair to people.

If they can do it, so can I. Role models all around.. :)

Their kindness and concern have really touched me to the core, gave me an extra reason to improve myself. Geri coming over to help me find the tape, kept asking me if I'm alright, it was so sincere that in that instant I totally saw her for who she really was, all at once. Normally she just has that cold and unapproachable look, and can sound fierce in general. But in an instant that whole demeanour just melted away, and there you just have a teammate who's genuinely concerned.. and xiushan who insisted on helping me pack up my things while I struggled to take off the very-tight ankle guard. She could have just gone on, but she touched all my smelly stuff and helped me carry my things.. Few others also asked me if I was okay, making me all the more embarrassed and ashamed.

Let's turn ashamed into inspired and work towards becoming a better person.

Thanks to sister stormies for coming down to support too. Haha I would have to say that if you guys came earlier, I wouldn't have dared to throw my temper cos I wouldn't want to lose face in front of the juniors. lol. oh well. And my and wy, ultimate thanks for messaging me this morning. I'm even on your mind at odd hours haha.. And just so you all won't nag at me for coming storm training.. I stayed over at hall the night before so just thought of coming to warm up before going for game! I swear I didn't tire myself out.

Can really see who are the sisters hahaha.. so alex was right all along, according to her nonexistent theories.. yiping and eunice are ultimate sisters! LOL.. and of course I know who else are the sisters la. You all are much appreciated :)

The league is almost over. Although we haven't been winning games, I am really satisfied with the season. We had the potential, just couldn't perform. Frankly, results are really not all that important. Cos sometimes, luck just ain't on your side. I am happy with the nice gameplays we had, shots on target, valiant efforts, camarederie... What's important to me is that we gave our best to the games, enjoyed ourselves, and for myself, got to know the seniors better in the process. Please don't retire this year!!! Not like they are gonna read this, or I hope they won't, cos they'll just retch at the mush I put here.. or think that I have crushes on all of them. For the record, I DON'T ;)