Welcome to the saddest day of my life, version four.

I've learned that failed distractions are far better than hopeless retetion. No matter how inadequate, disheartened, disappointed they make me feel, they can never be compared to hopeless retention.

The decision is not made because of it but in view of it. Things can be rocky, but it's in view of it that you give up instead of work it out. Cos there's a fucking back up. There's it. It is interested. A spanking new it instead of that foolish old cow trying her best to squeeze out a different flavour of milk when all is gone. That's humans for you. It just sucks big time to be on the receving end of it.

A simple plea for decency. No. Failed. Why the fucking hell why? I may not understand this till the day that I die. The whys and cries echo, banging against the walls in my hollow heart. The silence, the enigma. They attract me hopelessly yet drive me up the wall. My superengine brain churns out scenarios, images, explanations, reasons and its driving me crazier than ever. Why didn't I deserve it? Why the fucking hell why?

I'm sure it's not that I didn't deserve it. Any decent girl would deserve it. Things just happened that way. Ain't it sad when there's no reason... ain't it sad...

The plan now is to go ahead with the failed distractions. I wouldn't be hurting anyone, cos I'll fail anyway. Rejected, lambasted, insulted, nothing bothers me anymore. At least this spreads the hurt in different places.

Here's a piece of veron, go on and have a share in hurting her.

Stab kick punch beat hurl blaze slap whip drown whatever you want.

I'm always seen as the bad one anyway. I should just go fuck myself for the rest of my life. No one can see past the uncuteness, ungoodtemper, ungoodnature, unzainess, uncoolness, unrichness ANYWAY. No fucking one.



.that felt good.



I don't know what I'm looking for. Perhaps only answers.

I have only one ace, but it may be the most powerful of all. The card that feeds my ego. The card that makes me feel better.