I've always heard the saying you can't have your cake and eat it. You win some and lose some.

What happened to my image and relationships in hall... I've gone and ruined it, single-handedly. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and appreciate the friends that I made in hall 13, brought to hall 13, and the friends who are gonna come to hall 13. But what happened to the friendly girl who went down for all the hall activities, made new friends easily, smiled and said hi wherever she went?

She joined the hall committee cos she enjoyed being part of its activities the year before and was excited at being in the driving seat. Then one fine september came and took it all away. A september of tears, closed doors, and sleepless nights. Have you ever tried to smile and say hi when you were crying? Is it even possible? All I know is that it is far easier to hang your head down, ignore, and stare resolutely at the ground. Perhaps it was this ignorance of people that drove them away from me, that incited those awkward stares whenever they walked past me. I knew that despite my best efforts to be friendly and nice, we didn't click anyway. But those stares, something else had to cause them.

Drained and defeated, I wanted to run away from all responsibilities by then. But the tempting hand of fate tapped on my shoulder again. Much as I told myself to run away, I made my way back in, full of hope that this time, I had recovered, that I was ready to live up to my potential. I wanted to make a difference, believing in myself that I had foresight and creativeness and people- skills to offer. But now, I again concede defeat. I fell into another cold dark hole that semester that took me months to climb out of. I had let the train pass my way again.

I now shy away from all activities as much as possible, am not on friendly terms with any of the new people in hall, and ignore them as much as I can.

What happened to that friendly girl who went down for all the hall activities, made new friends easily, smiled and said hi wherever she went?

Gone with the wind? Lost in the tears?

Though it has been a harrowing experience, I do believe that everything that happened, happened for a reason. Even if I let it happen twice in a row. I do not deny that it is my failure. My failure to stop my emotions from running the show, my failure to put on a brave front, my failure to accept things as they are, my failure to keep my heart from running around in places and getting caught in vicious nets.

Once may not have been enough, but twice, and I will remember this for life.