Yes I've moved. I do not know how things will turn out, if I can really reap the benefits, if the problems can be overcome. But I will not regret it. Always give things a try, I say.

From where I came from, I had a good life. Friends and laughter all around, greater ease of winning games, perennial spot in the lineup, all in all, a relaxing life, a happy life. But I'm choosing to leave the comfort and familiarity, and throw myself into scrutiny and competition. This is all done in the name of self-improvement, and I'm sorry to those that I let down, that I did not consider the team enough in my decision. I always saw us as a training ground, and did not have a clear idea of what we wanted to achieve. This does not make me love the team and my teammates any less. I just lacked a team goal, and had overwhelming personal priorities. That's just me, a 'self' person, and I thank you all for understanding that everyone is different, and respecting my decision.

As I mulled over the issue, I felt that it resembled a romantic relationship. I love my teammates very much, I still do, but when I realised I'm failing to gain nor give enough to the relationship, it is time to leave. And it is even a 'it's me, not you' situation. It's not that the team or the teammates are not good enough, that's hardly the point. It is my personality that doesn't allow me to stay, unlike some of my linesmates. Over time, my ego grew too large for my head and my feet too large for my shoes. I wanted to play defender yet run all the way up to attack, I wanted to miss training just cos I played mahjong the night before and was tired, I wanted to skip the boring drills and just do what I like. Worst of all, I wanted to be able to do all this, and still expect to definitely make the lineup in games. Complacency and arrogance are my downfall. And I'm choosing to move to a harsher environment, so that I am forced to be humble and work hard. I could be brave and stay on, and somehow make myself miraculously humble in my old environment. But I have no idea how, and I'm afraid I can't do it in time, so I took the easy way out. I believe some aspects of everyone's personality can never change, so I'm taking myself as I am. If I can't change myself (and I increasingly think I shouldn't), I shall alter what I do, where I go, to make the best of my life.

So yes it's me, not you. I had to make the switch ultimately though it was an extremely heartwrenching decision. Everytime I told each of you, my heart would shatter a little more. And even more painful was facing those whom I did not tell before the training day itself. Two of them said jokingly 'we're going crazy lor, so sad cos you're leaving, why you leavvvve, is it we're too lousy for you!'. Though I laughed and said they were being funny, I know there's an element of truth in every joke. Besides missing a friend, it really does strike them that I'm leaving cos they're not good enough. As I said above, that is not the case. Things weren't that hard before I had to face the people. I was terribly emotional the whole day and could not look straight at the team when it was announced. As I heard the soft bewildered cries of 'why', I dared not look at the faces that accompanied the voices. Now as I think of them, I can see the hurt and sadness in their eyes. And much as I needed to, I totally forgot to give a speech explaining my decision. Instead, I went to take the cards and gave them out with literally, noticeably, shaking hands. My first and actually only encounter with such goodbye cards was from a softball teammate who left jc after a year. What she wrote was simply the potential she saw in me, and the appreciation for being a good friend, but it means so much to me, even now. Heartfelt words can be so powerful, but they are often overlooked and all too often, they go unspoken. I will not let them get away this time.

That's how much you mean to me.

From now on, no matter how much I visit and how much I support, things will never be the same again. I know that. But the team is still very much in my heart, and I still want to be part of your journey, tribulations and successes included. All the best for the new season girls, I will be here when you need me. And if you are still angry with me, I promise to come down to play goalie somemore, and make sure you hit me with all your might =p