I am happy cos I had a fruitful shopping trip - bought a nice pair of nike socks for the storm gathering gift exchange for only $5.35, and an adidas sports bra for $23! What a steal.. And I enjoyed myself writing 'Merry Christmas' on the paper I used to wrap the socks. Haha, though it's a few days belated and the party isn't exactly a christmas party, I couldn't resist using the design I saw online the moment I saw it, it's too cool and pretty. Haha, I don't care, it looks darn nice anyway, and the socks are not half bad either. Hope whoever receives it is happy! I love making people happy, love going the extra mile for people. To the extent that some will ask 'why are you so sacrificial'. Truth be told, I am disturbed by myself sometimes. Do I want something in return, do I want to be someone I'm not, do I want praise and acknowledgment, am I trying to atone for some sins? I'm sure the above statements ring true to a very very minute extent, and I really cannot help it. At least I know that for the most part, I simply want to give people what they wish for, bring a smile to their faces, and warm their hearts.

And well, I'm happy cos though I met up with my ex today, it's just another day, and I'm slowly but surely getting over him. My original idea was to maintain good relations and be friends with him. But now, I think we are incompatible to the extent that I don't even feel comfortable being friends. There's just nothing to talk about, I do not like the things he talks about, nor the way he talks. Makes me feel like a fool for ever being with him.. oh well, but I do not regret it. Unsuitable relationships and heartbreaks are part and parcel of life. I'm now wiser and hey, if I die tomorrow, I know I've tasted love once in my life.

Sigh, though I do not feel nice going out with him, I cannot fathom the idea of cutting someone I loved so much completely out of my life. I still want to know how he's doing and so on. And I could ask about his current relationship and listen without feeling weepy and jealous, not even now, when I'm alone. There is only a slight tug of sadness when I think about them, and I wonder if it will ever disappear. I guess not. I guess a part of me will love him my whole life. I can only tell myself to be thankful of the love we shared, and be happy for him.

Last Christmas was an absolute horror; it was when I first found out that he had a new girlfriend. Last Christmas was ugly, torturous and heart wrenching. Yes, I broke up more than a year ago. I can't believe I am taking this long to heal, and freaking happy that I feel so much better now. This Christmas was great. I had a good time at home even though my parents did shout around at each other a little. Christmas lunch was nice, mahjong with family and friends was good too. Really gotta thank sj for encouraging me to change my attitude towards my family. I languished in escapism and dislike for a long time, but a few wise and positive words did the trick. I felt ashamed and stupid for letting the problem go unchecked for so long, and a little thought and attitude change really did wonders =) Shall appreciate more of my parents good points and harp less on their bad, no one is perfect.

Here's a toast to moving on and growing up. May I cherish the freedom of being out of an unloving and unstimulating relationship. There are better stuff out there waiting for me.