I have a relationship with floorball. But I increasingly realise, it's bringing me lots of pain and suffering. Granted, I enjoy playing the game for fun and wholly appreciate the bunch of friends I've made in the team.

BUT

I suck at it.

I suck at it during games.

I suck at it during games when I make a mistake.

I AM NOTHING without composure.

My shots are not up to its fullest potential.

My ball control is non-existent.

My head goes AWRY and I make stupid passes into people blocking me, shoot at people standing in front of me, MAKE FUCKING STUPID PASSES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY OWN GOAL.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can't I keep my brains and my skills under pressure?

HOW HOW HOW?

It all boils down to one word - CONFIDENCE. I do not have it. Or rather, my confidence is shaky, vulnerable, and brittle.

I thought I was doing well in period 1 today. Called for a few balls down the board and was lucky to have forwards who listened and passed =) Good job girls. Shots were not up to my potential, but at least I had shots on target.

Then came the second period where I kinda misunderstood coach's instructions, got influenced by what I heard wrongly, and made a stupid long shot from deep, which hit an opponent and bounced back. Of course, I got chided immediately. I did not use my eyes, I did not keep my sanity, and it did not register at that point in time that I should not shoot cos there's someone in front of me.

And from then on, I felt stupid, lousy, and there you go - CONFIDENCE CRUMBLED.

Thereafter, I felt that I could not do ANYTHING right.

I could not even defend.

I could not even control the ball.

I could not even make sane passes.

I am not good enough to be an IVP defender. I am nothing without composure.

Back to the question: Why not end a relationship if it brings so much pain and suffering?

Because the highs are worth fighting for, the challenge worth scaling, the passion worth pursuing.

There must be a way to improve confidence and composure. We'll find it together. Fight on.